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GoT Recap... "A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms"

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As quickly as this story is developing, there is an EXTENSIVE amount of attention to small details in setting it up… We get MORE reunions though; Dany confronting the man who killed her father, Brienne vouching for Jaimie, Jorah giving his family weapon to Jorah, the so-believed “victims” of the Beyond the Wall dummy mission actually making it back and Tormund hilariously continuing to shoot his shot with Brienne.
Bran caught us with his MAJOR ability to throw shade with his “the things we do for love…” and “how do you know there will be a ‘later’?” lines.He can surely drag a room back to reality quickly.It calls back to my memory when he cut Littlefinger off with his own “chaos is a ladder” line to let us all know he should be feared.What scares me here is that he presents himself to know everything and somehow at the same time just not quite enough at the same time.
That he knows The Night King is after him and Samwell’s understanding of why this is a thing that matters as much as it …

GoT Recap... "Winterfell"

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Okay, so we got a slow start…. I expected a six-episode season to mean that that the body count would be swift and intense, but I didn’t get that.
I DID get ol no-dick-having Theon Greyjoy showing off his (non) balls and saving Yara.I DID get the surprise of people who have quite apparently been away from everyone else for what is apparently months and/or years learning that Arya is not dead, and I did get Sansa still basking in her “Littlefinger is Dead” afterglow and not fucking this episode up.
We also got Euron thinking with his dick as his biggest mistake. On the whole, though, this was a WILD slow-building episode when one stops to consider that this season will only be six episodes long.
The fact that the wall was breached was never mentioned by anyone until 40+ minutes in, the fact that Jon Snow had actually smanged his auntie (who, I theorized, impregnated her in doing so) was not brought to us until ten minutes after that and the fact that old talking-without-parting-her-teet…

Sometimes you just gotta rob Santa Claus

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This will be a summary… For the past twelve months, I have chronicled my exploits after having attempted to rob Santa Claus for the world’s presents.What is left out to those who have not been watching since Christmas time 2016 is why.
Well here I am to explain it.
1 – Rudolph is a dope fiend
[link] 2 – Santa is Rudolph’s Dealer
[link] 3 – BECAUSE Santa is Rudolph’s dealer, he should be robbed
[link] 4 – Shit is now going south, but I am turning it into money right?
[link] 5 – My greed is getting complicated, but shit is still moving
[link] 6 – Too. Damn. Good. To. Be. True
[link] 7 – I’ve been robbed!
[link] 8 – Fuck robbed, I been kidnapped!
[link] 9 – I want OUT of this situation now…
[link] 10 – … but DAMN this money is good!
[link] 11 – I’m forever to be a victim of my own desires,
[link] 12 – The liberal media only exists sometimes to complicate shit.
[link] 13 – I’m getting out this shit, I have a plan!
[link] 14 – Resolution…Santa wins
[link]

I have written THOUSANDS of pages of shit through …

The Big Payoff pt XII

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“You do NOT want to hear the punchline to that joke…”I TRIED to warn that asshole.

     Standing in the former parking lot of a months-ago-razed factory/former department store.
Watching a group of crazy non-agent SWAT team run off with my coal bag, willfully unaware that it won’t produce without me.
The federal agents selected to bail me OUT of this shit in their car and leaving me to my own.
I am pretty much standing here holding my dick.
How did they pull this shit off at 4:23 in the afternoon?  No time for that, I need to get in my car and cry like a little bitch with a skinned knee figure out my next moves.  I know I am PROBABLY going to receive two phonecalls behind this shit.  Or one phonecall and a visit.  Or no phonecalls and two visits.  Or the SWAT team is coming to my house next.
FUCK!!!  Coming to my house?  I don’t need that.  I called Mimi and sent her some money via cashapp and told her to get a room until I tell her home is safe to return to.

All the way home, I expe…

The Tables Have Turned!!!

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No longer is it enough to ignore unsolicited contact, I'm at the point in my life where I will exchange banter with these spam types for at least long enough to turn the tables... I'm minding my business on the couch with the wife when I am rudely interrupted...
 Wife: "g'head, play along"
With those words from thine mouth...
... I know how this game starts, finishes and follows through.

 A man who swings first stands a better chance of the other party not swinging back.

 See?  I've already broken the algorithm!



 Boom!

 Not today, Russia...

(Phlip note: we weren't putting any damn clothes back on and were already in bed)


Shit...  I could have asked for bobs and vegana.

The Big payoff pt XI

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For 241 years of American history, it would be a mark of honor to be specifically mentioned by the President of the United States in most capacities.
Beginning on November 9, 2016 the dynamic changed to the point where being mentioned by the president was a miss-or-hit affair.  “Don’t you mean ‘hit-or-miss’?,” I hear you asking.  Trust me, when this motherfucker talks about anything, it is soon going to hell.
     So now I am no longer a dude who tried to rob Santa for all the world’s gifts and got a undepletable bag of coal for my troubles, I am now a thug with a shotgun who threatens members of the media.
     In the past ten months, I have been…
-Roped into a domestic (illegal) sale of coal… -… parlayed that into sales into other industries… -… parlayed THAT into even bigger profits and made a ton of money; more than enough to last me a lifetime if invested properly… -… got greedy right about the time the international market wanted to play the dirty coal game. -Gotten robbed for …

True Story©... The Big Payoff pt X

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“this orgy ain’t fun no more…” (if only I’d have known how prophetic those words would become)
     The funny thing about the government getting involved in shit is how quick they are to complain about the media meddling in shit while pretending not to know that the media is the VERY official but unstated fourth branch of the government.
But let them be the one driving the narrative and the media they just hated are their best fucking friends.
     I got shook down and, let’s face it, robbed by two rogue FBI inspectors who quite apparently entered no paperwork on their interaction with me as they tried to get my source of income and not do what was right by the American people as far as national security goes.  And I KNOW I was dead wrong…
…  at least I know now.  When I was at it, all I knew is that I was trying to make the best of a bad situation of my own design.  Domestic and international laws were really the least of my concerns.
I should probably meet Santa again on Christmas …

True Story©... The Big Payoff pt IX

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I bought an Audi. All I did was buy a fucking Audi! I didn’t sell any drugs, perhaps I was wrong for having dealt with a foreign government, and the inconvenience of the logistics of dealing with them leaves it where I am done with those smelly motherfuckers first chance I get ANYWAY.
     But here I am, shackled to a chair and cuffed to a table with a couple of federal agents staring at me with the stinkface…
Agent: “So…” Me: “Look, just tell me what you need to know.” Agent: “Wanna tell us where you got this shiny new Audi?” Me: “You know EXACTLY what dealership I bought it from, they sent you the paperwork that helped you find m--…” Agent: “SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN!” Me: “Well…” Agent: “Where did you get the money?!” Me: “Coal money” Agent: “Coal money?” Me: “Coal money” Agent: “Look, asshole, nothing in your family history suggests any coal country connections, and the amount of coal it would take to make even THIS kind of money is more than you would be able …

Today in Phlip History

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September 3, 1998… I was 19, it was a Monday.
     I had to work that morning and needed to be there to open the store, so I was in the mall at 9:30am.  When one of my guys got in with me, I snuck away to whatever FYE was 20 years ago to make a quick video game purchase. If I had known that the game I was about to buy would change the direction of the next year(S) of my life, I would have--…  fuck that, I’d have bought THREE!
     I worked 9:30-6 that day and IMMEDIATELY rushed home to my Playstation (the boring-looking-ass Playstation 1!), locked away in my bedroom and proceeded to not be heard from other than to work, eat, bathe or shit for weeks.  If at any point I can remember a favorite game becoming my favorite that quickly, this was the time.
The story was fun going through.  It was engrossing to have a story with layers and twists and shit, mixed in with the “sneaking around and cutting dumbass guards’ throats” aspect of it.  The Easter eggs found in subsequent plays through …

True Story© The Big Payoff pt VIII

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I could be making better use of my time and abilities here… In the months since I unsuccessfully robbed Santa Claus, I have exhibited the skills of a man who could sell commodities to market and internationally, courier goods across state lines, negotiate hostage situations and most importantly make a TON of fucking money. It’s August now.  I been at this for 8 months, one client paying enough for all year every three months and I will see them in a couple of weeks.  His buddy has ramped up his ticket sales to the point where he needs me every three as well instead of the original six.  Between those, I am clearing $575k every 12 weeks.  I am pulling another $25k every month.  Throw in the as-negotiated HUGE money deal I am taking from that little European country that I cannot name at this point and I am looking at about $5mil cash on hand, even after paying off my house and revolving credit.

At this point, my lady still refuses to retire despite my attempts to get her to go ah…