Breaking them down

Sometimes in fits of boredom, The Katie and I just ride around and talk, or just go to a park -- usually Center City Park downtown on the (usually very "on") chance that one of us might want something to eat or drink given the close proximity of good food and drank to the park...
Yesterday, after we went to the zoo and then to lunch, we went to the park and observed the little brown children playing in the fountains like they're not supposed to be, as well as all the people just wandering about the park as we talked. This really is enjoyable, I have always people-watched in order to get ideas for characters in my stories. It seems sometimes to have struck her as a bit odd, but she will now realize what I am doing when she reads this tonight.
Anyway, the only thing any of that has to do with this blog is the fact that we were riding around talking when this idea hit us... "What in the hell are people talking about when they use certain colloquial phrases?"
We found ourselves with continued questions about some, and I actually had ANSWERS to others.
Details are as follows...

"Stupid/Dumb as shit":
There is NO sense in calling ANYTHING "stupid as shit," as the human (and any other, for that matter) body is quite efficient... Food goes in, calories are converted to energy and mass for sustenance/storage and the waste leaves the body. It really is quite the impressive system. You know what would be "stupid," though? Force yourself to NOT shit and see what happens and how you feel as a result.

"Stupid/Dumb as fuck":
This is another one that makes little sense at all when one thinks about it. See, fucking is where babies come from, and babies are where name-carrying population comes from, no? Stop fucking and humanity comes to an early demise, and THAT would be stupid. Now, the faces and noises people sometimes make WHILE fucking? Those could be classified as "stupid," but not the act in and of itself.

"Old as fuck":
I am not even touching this one, as NO ONE wants to even THINK about old people fucking.

"Fat as fuck":
Everyone knows that fucking is great cardio. In such, "fat as fuck" is an inaccurate term used for an ultimately slimming activity.

"Stupid/Dumb as hell":

This one, for those who believe in such things is just about accurate. One could classify "hell" as meaning the inhabitants of hell... If those people had lived wholly moral lives, or had the presence to believe in the promise granting the pass on the whole "having to go to hell thing," then they might not be classifiable as stupid or dumb, huh?

"Bumping uglies":
Come on, we're adults here and we must just face it, genitals are not the prettiest things in the world... Since they're required to touch in the course of that thing that adult humans like to do, we will classify that as "bumping," and this one makes all the sense that it needs to make. When you think of the faces and noises that people sometimes make WHILE 'bumping uglies' (hey, I got to mention that sentiment twice in one blog!), then it makes even more sense.

"Like 'that'":
"Like 'that'" is one of the ones that loses it's meaning when it is not spoken in an audio/visual medium...
"Why is this?" you ask?
Thanks for asking!
The "that" portion of that sentence is to be accompanied by a snap of the fingers, which is to suggest an element of quickness about it, thus taking the phrase to suggest something is happening/is to happen damn near immediately.

"Sick as a dog":

Strange, because dogs are generally healthier than humans. Look at it like this: when you had that stomach bug last year, you lost 15 pounds in a week, threw up every day that week and barely made it to work twice -- once on Monday, and you leaft early, then on Friday and you bitched all day.
On the other side of that is your dog... You cleaned out the fridge and gave her some shit you shouldn't have, she stopped eating, went outside and ate some grass to clean her system more effectively, threw up ONE TIME and was waiting at the door for you with all the energy in the universe and her tail wagging all over the universe the INSTANT you got home from wherever you were, even if you were only gone for 15 minutes.
Sheeit, it seems to me that dogs should be talking to one another about being "sick as a human" whenever their illnesses last more than half a day.

"Well fuck me running":

This one is not so bad when you think of how it is normally used... See, one might say "well fuck me running" in a bout of genuine surprise to something they have just witnessed before their eyes... Now, in the interest of comparison of sorts, one would respond to this with a statement suggesting something else that is equally, or perhaps MORE implausible. Can either of you imagine being fucked while running? If not, then it classifies as being implausible, so it would naturally fit into the situation at hand.

"Balls to the wall":
This one has it's beginnings in aviation, from fighter planes. The "balls" are knobs on top of a plane's throttle control. Pushing the throttle all the way forward, to the wall of the cockpit, is to apply full throttle.




Look, I could expound on the vices and/or virtues of the idioms that you and I hear damn near every day until someone is blue in the face, and I would have a great amount of fun doing it, but the fact remains that at some point the two of you could possibly become a bit bored with internalizing it all, and I will not allow myself to murder you to death with it. At least not unsolicited.

... I really should get a chess board we can actually take WITH us when we go on these "adventures." Perhaps that will be on my list of purchases made this weekend while we're out.
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