In the kitchen with Phlip... "Phlip wings" -- a MySpace Repost

I posted this one on MySpace back on Superbowl Sunday, then got drunk and missed 4/5 of the damned game...

Okay, I had mentioned the glory of my wings over the weeks leading up to today, SuperBowl Sunday.

I decided to bring the cam into the kitchen with me and chronicle the
process... One would think it to be decently straightforward, but
people have tried and failed to replicate, and wound up buying chicken
and bringing it to me to cook and paying me for my time.

I am going to lay it all out here for you. I'll tell you what you will need and how to make it do what it do.

Ready?

Fuck you, I don't care, let's get down to it.


(note, this is fucking HILARIOUS if you imagine Billy Mays screaming these instructions)



You will need...

19 pounds of chicken wings:


(well, maybe not 19, but you get it.


Seasoning mix:


(seasoning mix contains ground ginger, Old Bay, lemon pepper, onion
powder, garlic pepper, cayenne pepper, hot Jamaican curry, and black
pepper, you may alter this as you see fit, to your tastes)


A box of all-purpose Jiffy or Bisquik baking mix and All Purpose flour, 50/50 mix:



Vegetable (or corn, or peanut) oil:

(fun fact: peanut oil works best, but cost the most and doesn't last as long)

An enormous fucking turkey fryer that has NEVER seen a turkey:




... now let's get down to business...

The seasoning mix should already be assembled, and the chicken cut and
the little inedible retarded extra section cut off and bagged to make
chicken broth for something you may be cooking later.

I will spare you the gory details of cleaning and cutting the chicken,
just imagine me with a knife cutting chicken and singing along to
whatever I was in the iPod... Matter of fact, spare
yourself the singing part as well.

With the chicken in the bags, pour the seasoning mix in on the chicken,
press all the air out of the bag and MASSAGE the bag (shaking causes
the bag to break, I found out the hard way a while back) until the
chicken is evenly colored with the seasoning. Triple check now and
press any MORE air out of that bag that you can get out. The bags shown above are the product of this process... Put the
chicken in the fridge now.

You should have planned ahead, and allowed yourself at least an hour, but preferably 5-7
for this to "marinate" like this, I planned ahead by doing this the
night before.

One of the bags is special, as I dropped in 3 heaping spoons of cayenne
with it, so it is hotter than the others. Those are for me, not company.


It is now after marinating time, so you start by putting the grease
into the fryer and should have your flour mix ready. Again, 50/50 on
the flour and Jiffy, and seasoned with the same seasonings mix you
shook the chicken up in, you should have plenty. Mine looks like this:


... if it still white, add more of the seasoning.


Now, go ahead and turn on the fryer and start breading the chicken in
the seasoned flour. Have 2 pans ready, one naked to receive the breaded
wings and one lined with paper towels to drain them:


(yes, I know my stove is narrower than the spot built for it, blow me)


Breaded wings, awaiting their chance at 350ยบ grease:


The wings are to remain sitting in the breading for a little while,
somehow this helps them to come out of the grease crispy... Personally,
I SHOULD have turned on the fryer a bit earlier than I did, because it
took a LONG time for 2 gallons of oil to heat up.


aaaaaaaaaand... ACTION:


(for the record, you should drop the wings in with the basket down, one at a time, this keeps them from sticking together)


As with the frying of anything, fry them until they float to the top of
the grease, then wait another couple minutes and then remove, spread
them out on the paper towels and allow a couple minutes to drain,
finished product:


They're GLORIOUS!!!


Now, you turn your head to the left and serve with:


(I always thought the name of that hot sauce was ironic, since Texas Pete comes from Winston Salem NC and not Texas)


and Pennsylvania's finest:


(gotta love Wal Mart, 24 for $16.74)


Wait, what about those hot ones I was talking about, you ask?

Yeah, they go in the grease last, because I add 3 more spoons of
cayenne and one of the curry to the flour mixture before cooking them:



Warning, only try this if you are brave, stupid, have an iron-lined stomach, or any combination of all of the above, like me...

And there it is, folks, how to make Phlip wings with full itemization, photography and instructions.

Go off into the world, make chicken wings and impress your colored friends!


--

-PHLIP


(P.S. - any comments referring to "Miss Peaches" or "Fry Dat Chicken" will NOT be approved)
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