Say it with me now...

Over an Alcohol - influenced Thanksgiving conversation, I led to explain to The Katie and the rest of the family why it is I clock out, then come back to my desk to eat lunch instead of venturing out to the break room.
"Because, I can't stand to hear those ignant motherfuckers babbling on about nothing and fucking up the language!" was my major peeve, always has and will be.
"Well, what in particular?" was the question aimed back at me, and I ran down my short list, all of which to be included below.


"Irregardless"
No, people, that is not it... See, the prefix '-irr' renders the word that follows it a negative, thus making the meaning of this word "not regardless,' which is unnecessary because if something is not regardless it matters not to be mentioned. In such, people fuck this up worse, as their intentions are usually just to say 'regardless' in the first place, but need to make a 4-syllable word out of the presentation.

"Conversate"
The act of having 'conversation' is 'conversing'. I COULD go further in on this, but people will CONTINUE to fuck this one up.

"Lie-berry"
Homeless people go to the LIBRARY to read books and get free water. I have no fucking clue what a 'lie-berry' is.

"Sim-u-lar"
Similar... Similar... SIMILAR!!! How in the blue hell was the word allowed to mutate to 'sim-u-lar' and why does no one say shit to Charles Barkley since he is an apparent proponent of the word.

"Speciment"
This is one I hear at work every day when one of these Bamma-ass nurses from YOUR doctor's office calls in all wrong and shit for some help with something. 'Specimen' is what she intended to say, but apparently there was a T at the end of that word that none of us knew about.

"SaLmon"
The L there is big for effect, here... The L in 'salmon' is silent. Look it up if you must, dictionaries mention pronunciation as 'sam uh n', which is to suggest the silence of that one letter. "Why is it there, then, if it is silent?" I can hear you asking, and I will not offer an attempt at explanation of that, just know that it is.

"Hospilla"
'Hospital' is what you're meaning to say, isn't it? Well guess what? You're doing it wrong!
More fun comes from the ones who THINK they're being a little smarter and pronounce it 'hospillar,' and it is near impossible to not laugh at this shit.

"Ammalance"
'Ambulance' is the intended, but not produced, result here. This is funny because I work in Alamance county, and strangely I hear mention of an 'ammalance' quite often here, compared to the county in which I live.

"Orientated"
You mean 'oriented' right?
If you didn't know it before, now you do.

"Fidgerator"
I keep nice cold beer in my 'refrigerator' and in such have not a fucking clue what a 'fidgerator' is, but for some reason I am forced to hear about this shit quite often.

"Axe"
No, motherfucker, you can't 'axe' me shit, I do not have a fireplace... You can ASK me a couple of questions, but I am not too sure how interested I am in conversating [heh heh, see what I did there?] with you.

"Thoat" (or "thoke," depending on the proprietor)
Pardon me, I need to clear my THROAT and have a glass of water.


Look, I know I ain't the most goodly-spokeded person we've ever met here. Regional differences in language patterns are one thing, but outright slaughter of the language with no regard is something wholly different.
I really wish people WOULD do themselves the favor of at least fuckin' TRYING.
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