"I'm on a boat," pt. I -- the 'I'm in a car edition'

As many of the two of you who follow my blog are aware, I was on a vacation all last week, a Western Caribbean cruise with stops in Labadee, Haiti; Ochos Rios, Jamaica; Georgetown, Grand Cayman and Cozumel, Mexico...
I will provide you event-by-event commentary with timestamps included here, along with a bunch of cool (or perhaps not-so-cool) pictures appended to the tales.
I left work about 1pm on Friday November 27th to come home and tie up loose ends before kicking off for the night. I also left with the possible plan for an addition to my household to be discussed shortly in the presentation, but not to be forced to the front of the line.

November 28th, 2009... "The Major Kirk Out Edition"

0444 - Up and out of the bed... What the FUX?!!?

0615 - Shower time.

0700 - Hair washing/twisting begins.

0910 - Hair washing/twisting completed

1100 - Say hi to Bruiser!

Bruiser is a Chihuahua/Jack Russell puppy, he lives with us now.

1139 - Fuxed at Budget Rent-a-Car, I'd had a reservation and they decided that having a debit card and cash to cover the rental was not good enough to rent a car, as if having a major credit card makes a FUXING difference... Lose my head on the broad in the terminal, and leave her to cancel the damned reservation on her own.

1234 - Home and back on the internets, pay HotWire via paypal, rental pickup is at 1600... Go to mama and secure some Thanksgiving leftovers and introduce her to The Bruiser, as well as passing off The Katie's new/old phone to The Meanie.

1316 - Home to eat the aforementioned leftovers.

1629 - Back to the airport, National Rental Cars tries to feed me the same song and fuxing dance about a credit card and not debit, and cannot seem to want to properly answer me when I ask what the difference is...
"Fine, how much do you need on a major credit card? Riddle me that."

"Oh, because it was booked through Hotwire, there is nothing needed to secure it"

"Well why didn't you tell me that ten minutes ago?!!? No, don't answer that... What do I need to sign?"

2008 Toyota Carolla, 27,031 miles on the clock.

1800 - In the bed to take a nap, I roll around for hours and actually sleep the last 2 of that, get up and load up the car, make sure the iPod is charged, make all necessary phonecalls, FaceBook updates and text messages.

2245 - We're on the road now...


Upon perusal of my notes, I came to the conclusion that there just was not a lot that happened on Saturday, so I decided that I would go ahead in on Sunday in this post as well... Consider it a bonus of sorts...
If you have not noticed, the timestamps are in Military Time, so I STRONGLY suggest you learn the inner-workings of the 24-hour clock or consider yourself lost for the remainder of the postings.

November 29th, 2009... Riding on I-95.

Having reached agreement with a nice man on the forum for which I volunteer to allow me to park my rental in his driveway and provide me a ride to and from the terminal, The Katie and I were on the road to Melbourne, FL.
Thanks again, Ernest!

Anyway, I left you above with our shoveoff, and given that we live approximately 1.6 miles from I-85, we were on the damned way SOON following the departure, and...

0013 - We cross the South Carolina State line.

0251 - 86 in a 55, Yemasee, SC.
FUCK!!!
Alright, fux it, there won't be another one.

0316 - Gas stop #1 27,353 miles on the clock... $2.65/gallon, 10.409 gallons... $27.68
30.93 MPG this leg.

0341 - Georgia state line

0512 - Florida state line

0632 - Palm Coast, FL... Stop for more gas.
$2.66/gallon, 6.726 gallons, $17.95... 32.56 MPG this leg due to my newly lightened right foot. We also stop in a Wal Mart and Winn Dixie during this stop so as to kill about 45ish minutes before going on further south too early. I get 2 of the 2010 HotWheels New Models Collection.
[Phlip note - even on vacation, I remember the shit that I am addicted to while home]

0935 - We arrive to Ernest's house, which is fuxing GORGEOUS inside and out.

Not to mention his youngest Corgi is just kinda chillin in the living room when we walk in as well.
We shoot the shit a while, I give the front end of the non-specific cash I offered for the service and we load up his van and off to the Port of Canaveral, passing by beach within 7 blocks of his house, then an enormous Air Force Base across the damned street from it.

1035 - following what was actually a shortish drive, we arrive to the port and Ernest leaves us with the understanding that I will call him in 7 days when we return, I thank him again and he rolls out.
Now we're on to wait on our trusted steed, The Royal Caribbean MS Freedom of the Seas:

Oops, I set the time and date on the camera sometime after this.

1056 - Porter has our tagged bags, my adidas backpack is on my ass and Katie has her rolling bag, we go through metal detectors, are fanned through checkin since we (or Katie was) were responsible enough to checkin online and print all necesary shit, and all documents were in hand. Now we can sit down and wait on them to clear/clean the ship and we will be allowed onboard.

1142 - Standing in line to be photographed for ease of return to boat from ports of call, spot 2 chicks, one with fake dreads and one with a jheri curl, both apparently freshly coiffed for the occasion. Immediately handed a Mimosa, which will be gone before I am near the elevator.

1156 - Sitting in The Windjammer Cafe for buffet meal #1

Don't try to make sense of it, buffet meals aren't SUPPOSED to fuxing 'match'

1248 - 'A Tale of 6 Cities,' Scene IV... Occurrence #1

1303 - We're allowed to enter our room... #7397, Starboard side aft of the ship. Clothes aren't here yet, so there will not be a shower just yet. Fudge it, I will plug in my bluetooth and spare phone in the meantime, then use the experience from the last cruise and lay the fux down and take a nap NOW.

While I nap, my camera will introduce you to the room...




Yes, that curtain closes off to make for creatively fun sexy time, but that is none of your damned business, so stop judging me.


1542 - Clothes are here, but I cannot shower just yet, because we have safety instructions to sit through, as per international law, at 1600...

1617 - Some European chick passes the fux OUT in line during the instructions and has to be gurneyed off.
[Note - we would not see that broad again until the last night of the cruise]

1630 - Deck 4... Scheduled time to pull up the anchor. It has not been pulled up yet. CPTimers are still boarding the ship, which leads me to think that Royal Caribbean had a fuxup with their shuttle.

While waiting on SOMETHING to take place, we noted a the guys waiting to take up "anchor," basically untying the ship from the dock...



1640 - FINALLY, we set sail, we have a look around the ship before heading back up to the room.

1730 - We've both showered and Katie punishes the crew by fuxing up the toilet in the room. Luckily, I'd already shat and flushed, so no problem.

1803 - I call to maintenance and I am told that Katie has actually fuxed up all the toilets on our hall, not just our room... Great job, baby!

1917 - Katie's massive fuxup has been fixed.

1920 - We head up to the deck for music and drinks.

1925 - We've carried our drinks with us and are in the casino, failing in attempts to win money, walking away from the primed machine to have some geriatrics raking the dough. I hate old people.

2000 - Dinner at the buffet, I don't have it in me to dress fir the dining room tonight.

2138 - I have had about 4 hours of sleep in the last 40... We call it a night early.


Okay, folks... I am mailing this one in now, I will be up and on the next post(s) as soon as possible, of course wading through my notes in my attempts to read my handwriting through varying levels of intoxication and resulting clarity, or lack thereof.
This has been post one of my vacation, 2 days down and 5 to go, I will continue in hopes to make it all done before weeks end.
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