"I'm on a boat," pt. IV - fakeout #2

Fun fact, there is an Ocho Rios, Jamaica and there is a Ochos Rios, Jamaica... All documentation we saw coming in and up until ARRIVING in Jamaica suggested that we would be going to the former, which is nearer to Montego Bay... Instead, we were about 3 hours north of Kingston in the also-touristy Ochos Rios, which is apparently closer to the Straw Markets and includes tours of the falls and Bob Marley's former residence. The thing about this is that the former is touristy and safe, where the latter is a bit hood-ish and I was again afraid that I might be kidnapped, beaten and buttraped in another country without proper funding to get my ass home, not to mention that my passport CARD allows me home on a boat, not on a plane. You will also notice a very common theme in this locale as well.

12/02/2009 Ochos Rios, Jamaica

0740 - Awake and water making, not back to bed this time.

0750 - Send The Meanie an expensive-ass text message wishing her a happy 13th birthday.

0819 - Breakfast at the buffet, this time I have located some cheese for my eggs, but...

0840 - Cheese that will not melt IS NOT FUXING CHEESE and should not be so claimed to be such, simple as that.

0850 - Gibson sighted at breffass, but not his wife or Cornelia.

0900 - Ship cleared by customs/immigration to enter the island.

0925 - To the room to change clothes to better suit the occasion, as it is hotter than hell out here.

0940 - Venture off of boat:

... then through customs and into a fuxing maelstrom... Within the first 11 minutes through this fence, I am offered weed twice, pulled in 15 directions for nothing more than simple conversation about nothing in particular or cab service to take us to God knows where, and this goes not to mention that "A Tale of 6 Cities," Scene IV... Occurrences 2-thru-'I lost count' is BEGINNING to get under my skin.

[Phlip note - if you live in the States and have ONLY been in the states, you assume that a flea market/swapmeet is old people selling off bullshit from their homes and/or Asian immigrants selling substandard-quality goods or knockoff clothings... Go to the Caribbean and this shit all changes]

It is still early after arrival onto this island and the notion of being offered weed, people REFUSING to accept anything less than absolute attention from you (me especially with this head of hair and beard) and not to mention the oppressive heat. I talk a chick down to $10 on a bottle of Rum, The Katie inadvertently follows my negotiation tactics of "lowball, feign disinterest, then start towards or even OUT of the door and you will get a good price" and scores a Gucci bag. Through this all, it is still only about 1100 and my nose is starting to run, which means I have sweated through actually sweating and my body is expending remaining fluid.

Funny thing, though...
In The United States, the Honda Odyssey is a piece of shit SoccerMom-Mobile MiniVan, whereas in Jamaica, it is what we call the Acura TSX in the states, except a wagon instead of a sedan, see:




1145ish - Having had enough, we have secured liquor and souvenirs, so we're headed back to the boat, to the room to freshen up and put all this stuff down.

1215 - Downstairs in lounge, Red Stripe in hand and Jar-Jar Baker decides to randomly text even thought he fuxing knows better. I respond to fuck off until Sunday.

1303 - Linda and Cornelia stroll by and join us, we converse for quite a while in the lounge while Cornelia dozes off a few times.

1430 - Upstairs for lunch on the buffet. After taking pictures of the port from the deck:

















1530 - Katie grabs a Kiwi on the way out and wants a Mudslide from the bar on our way out to the deck.

1615 - Watching the idiots rushing to barely miss becoming locals in Jamaica because they don't understand the idea of doing shit with a time constraint.

1630 - Everyone has apparently made it, galleys are closed the announcements begin.

1645 - HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!!! (look ma, no doodies!), The Katie and I sing along to Tru Vybes TERRIBLY fuxing up Toto's song "Africa," with me TOTALLY hitting the high notes that they won't even try, not to mention we actually got the words right as some old man next to us shares a laugh with us about it.

1700 - Back to the room to wash the day's funk off of our asses in the comfort of AC.

1830 - Margarita Madness, conveniently next to the lounge that houses the ice rink, for the show...

1900 - ... freedom-ice.com/ (link still under construction) ice show. Unfortunately, none of these apparent zesties eats it on the ice, but there are a couple of tumbles... Hey, what would Brian Boytano do? More drinks during the show.

Caribbean Moonlight, take 2:


2013 - Run souvenir glasses up to the room and go to eat in the dining room anyway, we catch Linda and Cornelia in the line to get into the dining room when we come back down.

2032 - Seated, tonight's theme will be 'surf,' which is to suggest seafood. Wait staff does a dance of sorts for us this evening.

2210 - Back to the room, I need to make doodies [sadly, no curry :-(...]
Tonight's towel animal is hanging from the vent, it's a bat:


2230 - We chill on the deck until I doze off, then we call it a night.


Okay... I could get used to some of this. No, I would not particularly want to pay one of those cab drivers to take me outside of walking distance from the ship to hold me hostage until I pay more. I enjoyed what I was able to enjoy about Jamaica, but the attention I draw to myself simply by looking how I look was a bit unwelcome and frustrating. This kept me from wanting to take in any more than we did at the time.
Our next port of call is Georgetown, Grand Cayman which is one of the 2 ports we're going to that I have been to before, so I am expecting it as it were to be a more upscale port, no more of this flea market shit, no one will be trying to sell me weed and I will be referred to as 'sir' until people have secured my name. No one will be trying to sell me a ride on the extortion taxi, this will be a bit more enjoyable, even though I won't be able to afford much of anything on the damned island.
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