Life, love, hip hop, humor AND instructions on how to cook a bangin'-ass meal... all in one place. I put the words here, make what you want of them.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Like a Boss

**********Addict behaviors...**********
Fuck, I slow down the drinking habit and pick back up the model cars one...
I am SO glad I was never curious enough to fuck with narcotics.
Let me get my hands on some real money and I PROMISE to give way to a Lego habit, especially with all the cool shit I read on a daily basis.

**********Last Friday...**********
I saw a yellow 87 Box Chevy Caprice... It was yellow, red landau top, yellow and red interior... It had fucking BOJANGLES' logos up both sides of the car.
I laughed for a solid hour at the stereotypical irony of the existence of such an animal...
... then I got a cruel idea...
For my donk build, I will be similarly stereotypical...
I plan to get a box chevy caprice, and I will have it painted a candy green, then a darker green will comprise randomly fat stripes all over the body, all spanning the length of the body. The interior will be all covered in red alcantara with black buttons.
Wheels will be 28" and one will need a step to get in and out of it. The watermelon donk, who can beat that?

**********"You gonna drink that whole thing?"**********
Walking through the hall this afternoon at work with a 3-liter bottle of water about 3/4 full, that was asked of me...
"I'ma try!" was my response.
She stopped whatever it was she was on her way to doing and turned back. "How much weight have you lost?"
I went on to explain that I had started at about 275ish and I am now bouncing between 210 and 215, and how I have been doing it. At this point, I think she remembered that she had something she was on her way to doing, and congratulated me and stepped off... This was about 2:45 this afternoon, I had already been through half the 3-liter since coming in this morning... Right now, I have about a quarter of it left as I type this at 4:48, I will TRY to empty it before I leave for the gym in 12 minutes.

**********I love black people!!!**********
There is no way I could be racist. Some of my best friends are black.
Hell, some of the funniest people I know are black. Who DOESN'T love black people? Always so happy and smiling! I think that people are totally overreacting to emails sent about watermelon or when a news outlet that SHOULD know better posts a cartoon that is racially insensitive in nature.
Quite frankly, I don't see anything wrong with this... I am not racist, so I do not possess the capacity to see this as racially-tinged, there must be something wrong with YOU if you think this is racist, it's just a cartoon... When will you people get the fuck over it?

**********... I was totally bullshitting**********
Hearing people say shit like that is more angering than to have them just come out and tell me they hate me.

**********I swear, my hands to the stars...**********
Replace the driveshaft in the car, I can see where and when it was really beginning to be bad thinking back on it...
... but...
That asshole who kept farting in my damned car is back, and now it smells like cayenne pepper! When I catch this motherfucker it is ON!!!

**********Not too long ago, in Dollar General...**********
... I happened upon this chick who I had a MAJOR crush on when we were in like 7th grade, but never acted on it. We wound up at the same high school, and seemed to always be in situations where I was doing something (or someone) else, as was she, so nothing ever came of it. After it was too late, I found that I'd had a chance if I would have acted on it.
Anyway, back to Dollar General.
I'd not seen her in like 10 years, so we did some catching up and whatever, me explaining that, while I do have a girlfriend, I am not and have not been married. She went on to explain that she is single currently and has not been married either.
Now for the kicker.
One of the questions she asks me is "so, how many kids you got?" to which I remind her that I am not and have not been married, so no kids, and return the question, she tells me she has 3.
Something about an advanced rate of child leavage (yeah, just made that one up) makes me GLAD I was too shy to press the issue earlier on and too busy with otherwise philanderous behaviors later on down the road. I'd have hated to have unplanned tax deductions as a result of anything.

**********New Drawz!!!**********
I've lost enough weight/size to where my undies were getting baggy, so I had to go get some new ones while I was in Wal Mart last night.
I know that the purchase of underpants is normally among the most mundane of things one can ever have to do, but when the necessity comes as a result of hard daily work, it is DAMNED exciting, or at least fulfilling in that it I can SEE the fruits of my labor.
Yay me!

**********July 1-5...**********
... is a Wednesday through Sunday.
Wednesday - (tentatively) going to Carowinds in the early and mid-day, copping fireworks before coming back to the piedmont... Dinner (likely out somewhere) and a LOT of alcohol to commence following.
Thursday - sleeping off Wednesday's hangover and starting massive house cleanup. Secure final items for Saturday.
Friday - complete house cleanup and begin preparing food items for Saturday.
Saturday - 30th birthday for Preston and I... There will be 2 houses, 2 yards, a massive park directly across the street, the cul de sac on the other side of Gina's next door, plenty of food and obscene amounts of alcohol. There will be couches to crash on, so we all make it home alive.
Sunday - EVERYONE will have a hangover and stories to tell... Oh, and some cleaning up all the mess.

**********Speaking of that damned birthday of mine...**********
... I am, quite paradoxically, both the easiest and hardest motherfucker to shop for.
I like whiskey, be it scotch or bourbon. Glenfiddich, Glenlivet, Maker's Mark, anything will be fine.
I need a new camera, keep that in mind.
An gift card is always GREAT for me.
My addiction to model cars runs long and deep (giggitygiggitygiggity!), feel free to contribute.
Display cases for said models would be well welcomed as well.
Computer shit is always welcome.
And lastly (I think)...
... car shit...

**********If I...**********
... won the lottery...
It was a discussion I had with the girlfriend and my moms on separate occasions the last week or two here.
First thing is an anonymous cashier's check for a million bucks in the collection plate at church...
From there, though?
I would rent the largest house available for lease, pay the entire lease in full, and move moms into it... I would then lay out the plans for several acres of land, upon which I would build 6 houses; for myself, my moms, my sister and her family, my brother and his, my granny and a guest house. I would ALSO, in the middle of the compound, build a "clubhouse," consisting of nothing more than a theater, kitchen and eating/meeting area. Each house would have a 2-car garage and no less than 4 bedrooms, and at the rear of the property would be a larger garage with storage for the automobiles I would choose to own, as well as a shop in which to work on the ones I would choose to wrench on myself.
With plans properly laid out, I would go on vacation and see the world, once two of the houses on the family property are inhabitable, I move out of the rental house. On my way out of it, I get with the church and find a family that is ABSOLUTELY in need, and THEY move in for the remainder of the lease, with everything paid as an opportunity to get everything together with that help on the money front placed right out front.
Specifics as to what kind of cars I would buy and what kind of toys I would have cannot even BEGIN to be fathomed by me right now. I mean, I KNOW I would have a 1965 Pontiac GTO Hurst Edition and I would COMPLETELY overhaul my 240SX using items totally lost on most who will read this, but to stop and think of what I would buy with the remaining capital just completely escapes me at current.
My house? It'd be a damned landscape of all that I love, full basement with recording studio even though I can barely sing OR rap. A room for all my model cars and fucking rubber duckies? Yep! 1080p projectors instead of televisions in every room? Damn straight! Basketball court? Ask that kid who I decided to fit like a fucking coat yesterday... Guaranteed! Jacuzzi? Hell, one of those in every house! Swimming pool? Ha, gotcha! See, of EVERYONE to live on the installation, only Preston and I can swim, and kids are fucking inquisitive, so I would sooner skip the pool for safety's sake.
I could go on and on and fucking on about all that I would do with an obscene amount of lottery money (NC Lottery is at 150mil right now, that's like 75 after taxes), with the only limits being my seemingly limitless imagination. Even my imagination, though, knows when I need to cool the fuck off. Also, my tastes still allow me to not be showy and such, my approach to doing things to my car shows this conservatism.
I would love to have this option, now I just need to buy a lotto ticket.

**********I think I am a nerd...**********
I have not been to the Natural Science Center since I was in Middle School... The other day, I decided that I wanted to wake up and spend a day with my lady. I proposed that we meet at 8:30 in the am, then we do breakfast, and then we do the Natural Science Center, then whatever else we want to do for the course of the day... I have a couple of things that have been placed on my mind for the day that will be complete surprises to her.
It is 11:37pm as I type this (no matter when I get around to posting it) and I have been giddy about the natural science center all week.

**********I realized...**********
... I say "fuck" a WHOLE LOT.
Oh fucking well.

**********I'm on a boat!!!**********

... good luck getting that shit outta your head.
I been trying unsuccessfully for 2 weeks now. No worries, I hate me too for that shit.

**********I'm going to bed now...**********
I have a day ahead of me. I will leave you all with an explanation of why I'm the boss:

Monday, February 23, 2009

Working with my hands -- Nissan 350Z

I think I am in love with Maisto's "Assembly Line" series, too bad the only one on Amazon is one that is 2 or 3 times those in stores, fuckers...

Nissan 350Z.
Door was off of it in the box, but I'd knocked the door off the Maserati 4 times during assembly, so we went back and got it...
Standard order, not bothering with a bunch of extra words.

(door back on without problem)


(brushed, not polished):

(get back in that box!):

Working with my hands -- Maserati Trofeo

No intro on this one, y'all know how I operate.

Getting started:

Engine panel in and door panels on, back glass in:

Interior mostly assembled, as this one has a single seat and a cage:

Decision time, brushed or chrome:

I'm going for the chrome this time, we're all finished:

Opened up:

Now, wipe her down and put it back in the box:

Yeah, I think I like it well enough. Immediately in the top of the closet next to the others in wait for the next.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

In the kitchen with Phlip -- Jambalaya (somewhat)

I will likely only be offering contributions to these on Sundays,
as that is the day that I have time at home to be in the kitchen for
any extended amount of time...

Today's contributions is jambalaya (sort of).

Growing up poor will instill in one the means of making shit happen
where another just might not be able to. Becoming a clear-thinking and
well enough off adult will make such a lesson INFINITELY applicable.
One time a few months back, I assessed what was in my fridge, threw the
dice and came up with a winner. When attempting this at home, pay
attention to WHEN I say to add things, adding the shrimp too early will
make it rubbery, adding the tomatoes and celery too early will make
them mushy.

Let us start with a tool kit...

Good ol' cast iron pan:

Big knife:

... and spoon:

... and spatula:

BIG pot (you'll need a more than gallon-sized one for this):

Cutting board:

Of course, folks, you will need some food, as well...

Celery (stock photo, lol):

(dice this up the same way you did in my pasta from before)

Italian Sausage, 2 of these (I use turkey, but if you eat pig, then use it... I don't):


(yes, I BELIEVE in getting my capsaicin in me)

Vegetble oil:

Chicken titty, 2.5 pounds boneless/skinless:
dice this BEFORE cooking (look, I know raw chicken ain't pretty)

Fajita mix (red/green peppers, yellow onions):

Diced tomatoes:


Noodles (stay tuned for a variation on the use of this one after the jump):

Small can of carrots:

Seasoning mix, just in case (tee hee):

Now let's cook...

Start by coating the bottom of the cast iron (or your punkass
whatever-else) pan with vegetable oil and sautee/caramelize the onions
and peppers, but NOT the celery, as you might have in the pasta before.
I will tell you when to add that.

Once you have done this, go ahead and put it in the big pot in wait for
everything else. Now, go ahead and put your diced chicken in the pan,
medium-hi heat (8/10), sprinkle with seasoning mix of your choosing and
tease with the spatula to keep it from sticking until cooked through,
then add to the big pot without draining:
Now you will go ahead and cut the italian sausage from the casing and brown it as you would ground meat:
Add this to the pot also without draining.

Go ahead now and put your noodles on the boil... Put the "sauce" on
medium heat, add as many spoonfuls of cayenne pepper as you can handle
and stir EVERYTHING thoroughly... When the noodles are done, you will
add the celery, shrimp and diced tomatoes to the mixture, along with 3
cups of water.


(if you're like me and your punkass sister lives next door and can't
eat shrimp, now is the time you split the pots, one containing shrimp
and one not)

The pot(s) are now on your largest eyes on the stove, set them to 2/8
heat, go to the store and get beer if they sell it on Sunday where you
live. Leave it this way for about 30-45 minutes at least, stirring
frequently. You're done and ready to serve now.

I want you to keep in mind, here that when food is "soupy" in nature,
it just doesn't translate as well into photographs, that is the nature
of the beast. I will tell you, however, that this is fucking WONDERFUL,
though I was made to shoot flames from my ears after only one forkful,
which was just to taste test, so it was just as I love it.


1 - instead of noodles, you can use rice, use 2 cups uncooked, and double the amount of water used.

2 - vegetables: THE ONLY WAY I EAT OKRA IS FRIED!!! If you can stand it in this situation, feel free to use it.

3 - corn: feel free to toss in a can of southwest-style corn (drain the
liquid out the can before doing so), ESPECIALLY if you use the rice
instead of pasta.

4 - meat: I do not eat pork, but if you do, then feel free to use pig
sausage where I used turkey. If you do not eat meat at all, then I
apologize that you've had to read this far, cause I can't do NOTHIN'
for ya mayne.

5 - the nerves in my tongue belie human sensibilities, potentially
indicating that I am not from your punkass planet, so you MIGHT want to
use the "to taste" approach to the addition of cayenne.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Working with my hands -- Chrysler ME Four Twelve

I was up this morning and bored, so I went ahead and assembled the Chrysler ME Four Twelve. Took about no time flat, as there were no extraneous parts (lights, grilles, etc...) that had to be put into the body, just snap some pieces in place, 2 screws and finito.
Start to finish...

Unopened box:

Open everything, assess the task and read the instructions before opening anything:

Hang interior door panels on doors, slide dash on under windshield, and place seats/cover on interior:

Decision time, chrome or brushed?:

In the face of my brown-people sensibilities, I selected brushed, unlike with the CLK-GTR, they go on BEFORE the body:

Sit body down on frame and twist 2 screws, car is assembled:

All opened up:

Get back in the damned box, you!!!:

Total assembly time, less than 20 minutes.
It took all I possessed to not take it back apart and paint that interior black instead of the camel that it came in, but I will refrain in the name of leaving it as it is.
... I think I need another.

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