When keeping it real goes wrong -- the Gilbert Arenas files

Look, I know this shit happened on New Year's Day, but I was alternating hungover, shopping in Charlotte and then drunk all over again that day, so I did not get to it until like Monday, I think...
A friend reached out to me last night to check and make sure I wasn't cutting my wrists or anything, what with not having posted yet this year. I explained what I had been up to since the holidays and promised new posts soon. Working on a project.

A week prior to the new year, it was revealed that Gilbert had admitted to having brought a loaded pistol into the locker room at the arena on more than one occasion.
The reason?
"I have an young son in the house and wouldn't want that around him"

I saw where this was going right then... It says here that Gilbert Jay Arenas Jr. signed a $111,000,000 (that is 111 million for those keeping score at home) 6-year contract in July of 2008. Noteworthy is that he was coming out of a season where he had missed 9 games due to injury. This is not a terribly hard-to-digest number when one considers an 82-game season and the rigors it can play on the knees of a 200+ pound man. It IS, however, quite fuckin' substantial when you consider that Gilbert Arenas is undersized to play Shooting Guard, underskilled to lead an offense playing Point Guard and who came into the league in Golden State playing Nellieball (to non-NBA fans, this means you score a lot of points and defense is optional, but not expected) plays ZERO defense. All he did to make this windfall was his own cheap sendup of the prior highest paid players in the league, Kobe Bryant and Tracy McGrady, both of whom score (well, scoreD in McGrady's case, since he is falling the fuck apart physically) points by the metric shit ton and both of whom could actually play defense as well.
Offense fills seats and gets you the huge contract. Defense wins games and championships. I guess this mattered not to Gilbert, as he would celebrate his enormous contract by having played 47 of 197 games since signing the damned thing. What's more, he seems to have concentrated more on being on the court at SOME point during the season long enough to get his cash from Adidas as opposed to rehabbing his knees fully.
I really wish I could devise some scheme to work less than 24% of my required hours and be fully compensated for 100%, while I wrote poorly-written silly-assed blogs and had random adventures and shit. I wouldn't even be greedy, I don't want $111mil, I would settle for what I am making right now.

If it seems at this point that I do not like Gilbert Arenas, then you're reading this right.

Now, after taking 2 seasons off to have adventures and father a kid or two while having been engaged (not married, mind you... just engaged), not rehabbing properly until after 2 or 3 surgeries and seeing his cash cow moving toward the exit, he gets his shit together and has been back on the court every game this season.
[Phlip note - but not before leaving too much space in his relationship, which Shaq allegedly used to insert himself into said long-term fiance]
Until he, predictably for who it is we're talking about here, did some stupid shit. I say this to say that I never had high expectations of the kid, but this shit here is ridiculous and will serve as the ultimate lesson of how one does NOT conduct themselves. A card game, that I am to understand was not worth more than $500 led to an alleged confrontation with a teammate (!) in which pistols were brandished.
Later, it was claimed that the pistols were not loaded, then even later that it was "a joke, y'all know I'm a big silly!"
Remember in school where the one kid smarted off to the bully and just short of getting his teeth kicked the fuck in tried to laugh it down and say "aaaawe mang, it was just a joke!" only to get touched the fuck up anyway, even if only for the practice or example to be made of the offender.

This is where it gets fun.

  • Gilbert Arenas apparently lives or keeps residence in Virginia, but works in DC. There has been no mention of where -- or even if -- those guns are registered, so now he has the admission of having carried a handgun of questionable orgins, but also of carrying the damned thing across state lines. I am SURE the Government would love to make an example of a dumb brown person making themselves easy to fuck over, word to Plaxico Burress.
    Bully #1, that.
  • David Stern would love nothing more than to have one of "you people" out of his league, replaced with fundamentally sound European players to keep things light, word to Steve Nash (yes, there I said it) along Kobe, LeBron, Melo and D-Wade and Chris Paul to sell some sneakers and Jerseys. Anyone below that plateau is expendable, especially if they happen to not be of European descent/origin or TERRIBLY marketable. Nothing is marketable about a dude who blogs for 2 seasons while only playing 15 of 164 games.
    Bully #2, that.
Now, with 2 bullies waiting to take turns taking advantage of him for the Dummy Fouls (© 2002, yours truly) ­ he committed and tried to laugh off like the bullied high schooler trying to avoid an inevitable ass-kicking, Gilbert has been suspended indefinitely without pay while the DC Police and US Attorneys' offices investigate him.
Says the School Principal League Commissioner

"his ongoing conduct has led me to conclude that he is not currently fit to take the court in an NBA game."

Apparently, the commish -- still salty with Allen Iverson over his gun talk and gay slurs on his attempt at rapping a few years back -- will be directing all of that ire at someone who ACTUALLY broke the law this time.
The way I see this, this will serve as an example. I mean, Jayson Williams had the common sense to wait until he retired to play with guns, and did it on MTV Cribs at that. He was further smart enough to do the shit in his own fucking home. What happened from there is on him, and I will not go in on him, since this post is someone I do not like.
Back to the task at hand...
Example.
Gilbert Arenas is currently suspended indefinitely pending investigation.
If charges are formally brought, I am willing to bet he is done for the season. If a conviction occurs, this idiot will be suspended so long that his retirement will be imminent. Sadly (or not, actually), the league will not really miss him.
Laughable as well, is it, that he was served his suspension as a birthday present. I just hate that he shares a birthday with 2 of my nephews.

What is sad, though, is that he REALLY seems to think that he can just laugh this shit off, almost as if he isn't taking it seriously.
After meeting with the authorities, he said that he "feared Stern more than the authorities because the commissioner was 'mean.'"
You foot shufflin' knee slappin' sambo house negro, do you not see that you are about to lose your 18.5mil (plus whatever adidas pays) a year job and you have shown little to fall back on outside of basketball? I SERIOUSLY hope you knew how to save money and I REALLY hope that Shaq actually DID fuck your girl, so you don't get raped on child support.
[Phlip note - I can't pray for someone's downfall. If ever it was a coup for someone to have put the meat in your woman, this is it]

How this shit could be allowed to happen only 3 months after Plaxico went to jail is both sad and hilarious at the same time.
Goes to show that some people don't fucking learn. Also sad is how RIGHT now the commenters on Fox Sports and other comment-driven sports coverage sites are playing armchair quarterback and opining "that is why you can't give these [n-word]s shit... They'll just blow it, like that other [n-word] in DC"
[Phlip note - any neoconservatives who happen upon this and want to use it, please pay me for coining the phrase, $10.00 via paypal to callmephlip@gmail.com]


You know what?
We could all be reading a book right now. Instead, we're caught up in the coonin' of someone who seems to think that spitting in the face of his blessings is the means to continuing and growing them.
For all the talk of stupidity of rappers and their choices of weed carriers,word to Tony Grand$, I am now convinced that NBA players are dumber than they are when it comes to their choice of entourages. That is a sad fact when one considers the mandatory seminars and presence of handlers to professional athletes that are not always present with rappers. When you make THAT much money, there should be at least one person in your entourage willing to take that gun charge for their cash cow.
Joell Ortiz said it best "You'll never catch me wit no iron toy/I hang with some killers and I'm their pride and joy"
[Phlip note - or something like that, I forgot]
This is a lesson to be learned to anyone who might come into big chips, but especially those who, like Gilbert Arenas, are doing so undeservedly. No, fuck that, this is a lesson to be learned for anyone in any life position. Stop coonin'.
I'm done here.
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