Cartoon Disassembly 101: Session 2 (guest blog series)

The following was originally written by the homie Galen Henderson... With his permission, and in response to a Facebook status message about how comically asinine the villains' plots were on Voltron while I was snowed in this weekend led him to share this piece with me. With his permission, I am presenting it to the two of you.
There are surely more parts to this series, but I will be sharing the all of them with you complete with link.

[Phlip note - that was it for all of them right there]

And now we will get right down to business...


It was brought to my attention that there were several factors missing in my lecture last week. First Professor S. Dragon informed me that Wonder Woman could never fly originally. So with that note, I strike out my comment about her being able to fly.

Next up, people were asking me: "Why didn't you talk about Scrappy Doo, Scooby Dum, or the villians, or the police officers?"

Simple answer, really. These, for lack of a better term, people were just like Montana. They're just there taking up space and serve no real purpose whatsoever.


Now that's out of the way, class session number two is about to begin.

This week's class will discuss one of my favorites, and one of my not-so-favorites.

First up is the Smurfs. Now, I was never much of a fan of the show. I just watched it cause there was nothing else on during that time slot & I was waiting for another show to come on. And I hated the show even more when they came up with the 'Smurfs Thanksgiving Special' which lasted for a good 4 freakin' hours!!!! The guys that did this show was a bunch of sick barstitches. Let's look at the facts.

Ok, in this entire collection of little blue creatures that lived in mushrooms (I'll get into that in a minute) there was only ONE female out of supposedly several hundred guys. Now that's bad in and of itself considering that this is probably the longest train ran in history. But, there is also this 'lil fact. Before this one female showed up (she was created by the villain of the series btw), there were NO FEMALES WHATSOEVER. So that means only one thing: These guys were doing each other. I'm not even gonna touch the fact that some of them might be Chesters as well when the 'lil kids showed up.

Now, lets look at the fact that these guys lived in mushrooms for houses. The main villain of the show always wanted to find the Smurf Village so he can capture however many he needed to turn lead into gold. Ok class, how many of you can smell the BS in this logic? If anything, since he was the only one to supposedly see these Smurfs, then that meant he wanted the Mushroom Houses for their bad ass hallucinogenic properties!!! Since it was obvious he was on some good 'shrooms. 'Nuff Said.

The next topic of dissection is one of my favorites. I grew up with this one, plus it's where one of my namesakes comes from. Of course, I'm talking about Winnie the Pooh.

This one took 'lil bit of work to decipher, but I got it done.

Let's look at Winnie the Pooh first. Now it's obvious he was an addict, cause his every conversation was about getting his hands on some 'honey'. Now ain't no honey that damned good to make it your constant topic of discussion with everyone you talk to. He had to get the 'honey' from someone. A supplier, if you will, and that supplier was...

This creature is not sane...Rabbit: Every day he worked in his 'garden' to keep the crops up. Pooh was his number one customer for 'honey'. And got pissed anytime someone messed with his crops.

Next up is Eeyore.... this guy was on depressants and was a pessimist... never a good combination. It's that simple.

Kanga & Roo... this was the ultimate tag team. Kanga was the runner while Roo was the tester. Cause Roo had just as large an appetite for Honey as Pooh did.

Piglet was just a pure basket case! He must have had some good stuff flowing through his system on a constant basis, cause he thought EVERYONE was out to get him for some reason or another.

Mole was just that: He was the look out for the big man that ran the show...

Christopher Robin. He was there to check on the progress of everything to make sure everything was running smoothly and got the orders shipped out on time.

Now, most people believe that I've left someone out of the equation. But this is not the case. Since he's my fav char and one of my nicknames, I decided to save him for last.

Tigger was the one that they could never contain cause he always did things his way. There was another name that they wanted to give him, but couldn't due to various reasons which will go unmentioned.

Well that does it for this week's class. Next week we will discuss Go-Bots with special guest speaker, Professor Shadow Dragon and G.I. JOE. Now a website that will be mentioned during class next week, broke down GI Joe by the episodes. This will be an enhancement to the lesson plan. Now the homework assignment for this week is to find hidden things in both of these series. And remember to have fun with it. CLASS DISMISSED!!!!!!
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