Cartoon Disassembly 101: Session 6 (guest blog series)

The following was originally written by the homie Galen Henderson... With his permission, and in response to a Facebook status message about how comically asinine the villains' plots were on Voltron while snowed in this weekend led him to share this piece with me. With his permission, I am presenting it to the two of you.
There are surely more parts to this series, but I will be sharing the all of them with you complete with link.

[Phlip note - that was it for all of them right there]

And now we will get right down to business...




It was brought to my attention this week, that some 'smart' person decided to add in the name of the mutt from Johnny Quest. Well the Professor's got a NEWS FLASH for you baby.... I INTENTIONALLY left the mutt's name out. Why? Because the mutt is just like Ja Rule's Music Career: No one gives a rotten rat's @$$ anymore, BOTTOM LINE!!!!

Ok, now that I got that disclaimer outta the way, it's time for class. This week, instead of focusing on the old school, I'll give my thoughts on some of the newer shows that are out. I mean really, there are some out there that can meet the Professor's Approval, right?

Maybe....

Well let's start off the list like this:

Dexter's Laboratory - I gotta say, Dexter is tha freakin' kid!! I mean hell, he gets props from me for actually rebuilding Dynomutt for the Blue Falcon. Plus a couple of episodes paid tribute to Cartoon Classics, Speed Racer (he'll get ripped in the future too), and the Peanuts/Charlie Brown Crew. The episode of Dial M for Monkey with the Macho Man Randy Savage helped solidify that for me as well. The only thing is.... if it were me.... and I had a sister like DeeDee.... I'da kicked her ass a LONG time ago.

Next up is Spongebob Squarepants - *scratches head* Somebody help me out here. Why do people like this show? I attempted to watch an episode of it..... and I IMMEDIATELY changed the channel. The people over at Nickelodeon had to be on some goooooooood *bleep* when they created this Pile O' Monkey Crap (tm).

The Powerpuff Girls - Now you know a show is damn good when the name has to be changed to appease folks. For those of you that didn't know, the original name of the PPG was The Whoop Ass Girls.... hence Chemical X was the proverbial Can O' Whoop Ass. I enjoy this show & missed when they did the marathon... and I've still yet to see the movie. Maybe one day.... I'm in no rush.

Next show on the list is Hamtaro.......... ummm.......... ummm.......... ummm.......... ummm.......... right..

So moving right along, next is Filmore. Now this show right here..... nothin' but mad love from me. Basic premise of the show: Take Recess, old 70s cop shows, mix it in a large pot, and you got Filmore all in a nutshell. It's got the chases, detective work, the police force, in this case middle school safety patrol, the music. Oh yeah, this one, while only getting ready to start its second season, has got the right moves to become one of the greats.

Pokemon, or as I like to call it, PUKEMON - after much deliberation with the other Professors, this one is gonna get its own class session, cause it's way too much for me to get into right now.

Since I mentioned it earlier, let's talk about Recess. This is a pretty fun show. I still can be found watching the episodes from time to time. I mean, let's face it everyone.... we all met kids like each and every single one of the kids from the show at some point in our lives. Hell, for all I know, you coulda BEEN one of those types of kids back in elementary school.

Ren & Stimpy - From the beginning.... this whole damn series was MEANT to be just flat out wrong. But the twisted minds that created this series were restrained by the executive hitmen at Nickelodeon.... 'nuff said.

Lilo & Stitch: The Series - Now I know that this is it's first season and all, but dammit, that little girl has me cracking up every time. Why? Well for the most part, she's almost the female equivalent to Charlie Brown... and every once in a while, he could spit some serious knowledge, no matter the situation. So far from what I've seen, Lilo's done the exact same thing. And Stitch is just.... whatever he is, he's IT!!! Do I see good things for this series? Only time will tell, true believers.....

Jackie Chan Adventures - This one started off good for the first 2 seasons. Then it kinda went downhill on the third, and now for this season, I'll have to wait and see. But the best things about the show are Uncle and Jade... even though she needed her @$$ whipped as well for disobeying so damn much. But hey, she saved their asses many times before, so it all balances out somehow.

ULTIMATE Muscle - *taking a deep breath* no, No, and HELL NAW!! A crappy cartoon version of WCW vs. the NWO....

TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) - Since I started watching the show, I thought about comparing it to the old 80s series. So here it is... the original series leaned more toward the funny side of things, and then tried to steer away as the later seasons progressed and failed. However, this new Turtle Series basically uses the formula of the original comic series from '84 and the first live action movie to draw its inspiration from. And it's working a whole lot better. Hopefully they won't go into the campy sci-fi stuff again and make this one as bad.

What's New Scooby Doo? - Not a damn thing, seeing that they're using the same formula from the old Scooby Doo shows and just put them in a modern setting. With one slight difference: They solve crimes in their hometown (where ever that may be), and I THINK they have legit jobs this time... well at least 3 of them do...

X-Men: Evolution - This one is a better version of the X-Men cartoon series. As much as I liked the 2nd one (note: there was a pilot episode for a series waaay back in the early 80s that never saw the light, but that episode was released) this one seems a whole lot better by far. So this is pretty much the third X-Men series attempt. I also like the concept of the group being teenagers instead of being full adults, except for a few of them (Prof X, Storm, Wolvie, Beast, Magneto, and so on).

I'm not even gonna mention any of the stuff on ABCFamily (formerly Fox Family), cause they took a page out of Cartoon Network's playbook & show mostly rehashed and crappily dubbed Anime (Medabots, Beyblade, some show about a pig or something)... oh yeah, and the Power Rangers!! Can't forget about them.... (riiiiiiiiight) Don't worry, they will get broken down as well...

I'm pretty sure that there are more of them out there that I didn't mention. If that's the case, then they either weren't worth it, or I just forgot about 'em. It's that simple, people.

Next class: Pokemon and something else maybe. So until next time class.... "3... 2... 1... LET IT RIIIIIP!!!" (what the hell does that mean anyway? Was this show really a cover for a farting contest, or somethin'?)
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