Gangster rappin'

"Gangster rapper" is an oxymoron as a concept, simple as that.

If ever there was a more oxymoronical (lol, I know) word in the general lexicon, that is it...
Gangsters in general know that the move is to simply shut the fuck up about dirt done, lest it will become used against them in a not-too-distant future situation. Imagine, say... Al Capone? made a song or whatever medium employed at the time (what, newspaper?) to broadcast the sordid tales of his exploits during prohibition?
Imgine if Anthony Spilotro ("Nicholas Santoro," if you believe Casino to the letter, or "Nicky Tarrantino if you're an ignorant coon and go on the word of Biggie) went out bragging about how big a corrupt money pit that Vegas was, an open pussy ripe for fucking?
Exactly...
Tell me why, then, I am to believe that some ignorant coon is guilty of ANY of the shit that they've admitted to on record?
Hell, The Sporty Thievz would be joining a Lifer's Group for the shit they did on their 15-track album...
  1. Public intoxication, then movie hopping in the theater.
  2. Crack sales, shooting out with -- and then running from -- the police.
  3. Public nudity and sex in a theater.
  4. Bootlegging movies from within the movie theater.
  5. Communicating threats over international communications and espionage.
  6. Embezzlement.
  7. Multiple murders and simple weapons possession.
  8. Money laundering.
  9. Hiring/performing hitman tasks.
  10. Pandering (pimping)
  11. Stealing a dropped shipment of cocaine from both the FBI and the Mafia.

    and lastly...
  12. Aggravated assault, almost to the point of attempted murder, involving bats and stomping in Timberland boots from multiple assailants.
Noteworthy is that these offenses take place over the course of only 8 of the 15 tracks on the album...

Looking at the careers of other rappers who actually SOLD some copies, you will find more and more admission of offenses, almost always falling in the realm of drug use/sales,/possession murder, gun possession, kidnapping, bank and other robberies, tax evasion, prostitution, gang involvement, and sometimes even rape... If we were supposed to believe these motherfuckers, we would have so much less to worry about, as they would have talked themselves right into the jailhouse... No need even for a trial when you were given a 70-minute-long admission of guilt, is there?

It's almost as if someone had a neighbor who had 5 poorly-kept pit bulls in their back yard 3 and sometimes 4 in a cage about big enough for two and one chained to a tree. One is gone one day and then a few weeks later, the one chained to the tree lays dead from at least Saturday until animal control shows up to pick her up and talk to the owner about the dead dog in their backyard on Tuesday. This person is doing themselves a bit of a fuckup if the first thing they say to the animal control officer is "well why didn't someone tell me my dog was dead?"
As soon as Animal Control is gone, with the understanding that there HAS been a dead dog in her back yard chained to a tree and that charges of animal cruelty will be pending an autopsy on the animal in question... Well now she will become a rapper, reaching out to speak to neighbors whom she has not bothered to in 6 months at the time, to talk about all her business that would have best been left in the quiet...

"She had been sick for a while..."
[more on this one in a minute]
"I think that dude over there be watchin' us, I don't know WHAT his problem is"
"We had had to go to Reidsville (only 25-30 minutes away, for the record) to a frunemal (sound it out, you'll get it)
"They ain't even my dogs, they my son dogs."

For the record, autopsy shows that the dog was found to have been starved to death... A healthy dog will last about 3ish weeks without food, so a sick one should last about a week to 10 days, no?
That being said, someone had to have neglected to seek veterinary attention to a allegedly known sickly dog -- claimed to authorities to have been "found" but observed to have been there all along, just for the record -- to the point where she would not eat the food (that was not in the bowl, lol) and die at the end of her chain, then go unnoticed and unattended to for days before animal control reminds the owner that they even have dogs in their yard to care for.
Why do I even know any of this shit?
Well, see... A couple weeks ago when I had that Tuesday off? The news came and asked me what I had seen. Fuck, I told her that they'd had dogs over there and that the dogs are ALWAYS outside, rain (or snow) or shine, 10 degrees or 100 degrees. I told them that I saw the dog out there sunning herself on Superbowl Sunday and that it was still not moving on Monday, and was still unmoved on Tuesday. I told her that we can NEVER tell if anyone is home and that the people are not terribly personable at that, so why would anyone investigate?
Well, that aired on the news that night and not 5 minutes after it did, I see some nappy roots and phonytail walking across my FUCKING grass (!!!) to come and do the gangsta rap thing, telling me a bunch of shit I don't need to know about the pending case and that she had to go to court on the 17th (as in this past Wednesday) over it, and what did I tell the news...
"They asked me what I saw, they asked for permission to be in my yard... I told them what I saw and gave them permission to be in my yard..."
I then went to get some mac and cheese and turkey wings from my mama...
For the record, she has a failure to appear, a new court date of April 14 (hooray public records!) and I can still never tell when anyone is home in that house... I am of the opinion that this will be a missed court date as well.


See there?
You know why you never know the doings of real gangsters?
Because they keep their fucking mouths shut about it. Even those who are just doing dirt, not even necessarily "gangster" shit know that you don't fucking talk.
Hell, even gangster rappers with questionable credibility as it relates to the dirt done as opposed to the ability to tell a pretty story about what they would have done know that you shut the fuck up. "10 Crack Commandments" number 9 was 'if you ain't gettin' bagged, stay the fuck from police' and no one is to say WHERE it is I go to make my funds when I leave this house at 7:20 every morning and return at 5:30pm. She never bothered asking that I wasn't the cops, did she?
[Phlip note - I work for a medical testing lab, not the PD]

I am willing to excuse the implausibilities in Christopher Wallace's own stories about his crack sales out of respect for the dead. It is, however, noteworthy, that he never drove or had a driver's license, which lays a large part of claims just silly, though...
That, people, is where rappers are JUST like bigmouth neighbors, in that they're all the way out front with every portion of their fuckuppery, whether they be telling the truth and just divulging too much or telling blatant-ass hyperbolic lies that no one has any real reason to believe anyway. Kinda like I have no reason to believe that Jay-Z sold near as much crack as he claims to have if Big Daddy Kane -- who I have no reason NOT to believe -- explains that he had a late-teens Jay and Special K on the road with him, to come out and keep the crowd warm while he (Kane) changed clothes. Ice T corroborates a similar tale of Big Daddy Kane having brought Jay to his house... Just sayin'.
Lil Wayne was rapping since he was 12 (or 15, depending on who you believe), when was there time to sell crack, considering the wild and very considerable success that his label and labelmates achieved very early on and have sustained even to this day. Even current convictions are describable more as dumbfuck lapses in judgment born from arrested development that most child stars see, and not anything even remotely "gangster."
If the stories we're presented with were even partially true, then these idiots would be in jail. There'd be an investigator assigned to them for the shit they claim, if on the level they claim, and the recorded admission of guilt. A quick Google search finds that it has come back to bite a few rappers on the ass to be accused of doing the same shit that they claimed on record.
God forbid Eminem's mother come up raped or his ex wife murdered.

It seems to me that in order for one to be a REAL "gangster rapper," then a conviction is very necessary. At this point, with snitching on ones self and convictions (I am sure this will go down) on record, I am more willing to call my nappy-rooted-phonytailed neighbor gangster before ANY rapper.
I told y'all once before and remind quite often, shutting the hell up is the way, there is a reason you have a right to remain silent...
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