"I wub jeebus, do you?"... a discussion

Well, home on a Sunday and with nothing to do prior to firing up the grill this afternoon to smoke a couple of Turkey legs for The Katie and I, I got to thinking about a topic for question of the day, and went in. As per the usual, it came in the form of a facebook status.
Then I realized a typo, deleted and RE-typed it correct this time, and it goes as such...

"Could you get involved with someone who belongs to a different religion from your own, or even none at all? Why/why not?"

First respondent this morning was former coworker, Angel, with...
"Nope. It will cause arguments and problems eventually. Also, I'm close with my family and we are Christians. You must fit in...not to mention my father is a bishop and brother is a pastor. I need you to at least go to church with me sometimes, celebrate holidays, etc. Sorry, 'I' can't do that."

Next respondent was best friend Roger, with...
"I could personally. Most religions are in reference of the same god/devine being/etc. But the further things go,The issue for any such relationship will stem around 'actual' respect for the other persons religion. Alot of times its tolerated in hopes of a conversion or religious dominance. But theres always hope: unless u run up on a blk israelite. That may be diminishing returns for most, lol "

Next respondent was Maria, with...
"Years ago I dated a Muslim guy. He wanted me to go to his Mosque with him which meant I had to cover my head and wear modest clothes. I asked why he didn't have to do the same. He got so pissed. Beat it dude!"

Next came moms, who first sought clarification, with...
"Define different religion. Christianity vs ? Or Methodist vs Baptist. I could see myself getting involved with some that shares the same religious beliefs."
After I explained that I specifically meant differing religions, and not differing denominations, her answer was...
"Then no I could not."

Next was Dominik, with...
"Absolutely a no go with that. Can you say confusion, arguments, family issues. I can be amongst any group of people and we can agree to disagree, everyone is entitled to believe what they may. When it comes to my mate and my faith/belief we HAVE to be on the same accord or it WILL not work. If you're a crack head your mate needs to be a crack ... See Morehead...If you're an atheist your mate should be the same, etc. I'm a Christian and I wholeheartedly believe what the word of God says and the scripture regarding people being equally yolked states it best. 2 Corinthians 6:14-17"

Wayne's response was...
"yup... I just don't recommend the atheist/catholic combo. I tried it, it sucked. "



Disclosure:
This conversation was drawn into mind as a result of continued conversation with good friend La'Donicca (her Rap Name, lol), a self-described "nontheist" who often seems to find herself involved with dudes who are not atheist. These questions sit in my blog drafts until I decide to ask them on facebook and a post of hers from last night reminded me that I had waited too long to ask this one.
Fitting, however, that I ask it on a Sunday.


At the end of it all, my answer is "no, won't work," simple as that.
See, I try (operative word, that) to live my life for the general avoidance of bullshit, and if ever a situation presents the hint of guaranteed bullshit, I take another direction. Metaphorically speaking, it is taking the bypass highway to go around the city because you know that the business route, directly through will be rife with shitty traffic and soccer moms in Honda Odysseys. Sure, I'll add 3 more miles to a 15-mile drive, but I do so without the annoyances that would come with the short trip.
That being said, there are far too many of the unknown unknowns hiding in a difference of religions, or a comparison of believer/non-believer for a relationship to continue with any sort of long-term expectations. No one enters a relationship honestly expecting to remain an unmarried couple forever, and the handling of such will usually be the stake driven through the situation, in my opinion.
The middle portion of Roger's response after the lead in and before the joke articulates just how this would become or remain a festering problem quite well, despite anyone's most earnest intentions. The desire to be left independent to believe what you want -- or nothing at all -- against the wishes, be they stated or not, of your partner will create tension. Level of zealotry or passive aggressiveness will drive just how might play out, but no one likes zealots but other like-minded zealots and NOBODY likes passive aggressive people, period.
Besides, my opinion this is driven by the fact that I have NEVER seen it work. I am more than fine with learning from other peoples situations... Hell, not even John Coltrane stayed married to Naima, did he?

Comments

Livication said…
Again, my name is Adonicca. And I'm really rather irritated with the concept of this post because it doesn't encourage progressive attitudes. After being fired up in listening to the critique of Tavis Smiley's discussion and the lack of diversity in the Black community, I think that it's important. Also, when you approach someone with an assumption of your expectations (ie the "bullshit" portion of the post), it not only speaks to your level of open-mindedness/willingness TO hear, but it also says much about prejudgments that are recycled in other communities. I don't even wanna be hit with a "it's just jokes" or the fact that this isn't a socio-political blog because I've said to you in private (especially in avoiding commenting your posts) that when you throw out something that has the potential to do negative, it very well may. Thumbs down. And not just for following up my original post.
Livication said…
That should be "lack of diversity REPRESENTED"..not "lack of diversity".
Tony Grands™ said…
^^Damn!...

Anywho, it's in the bible that different religious beliefs are one of the few credible reasons for a divorce. Just saying.
Good question, nonetheless.
Phlip said…
No jokes in this one...
I stick by what I say. What fool-ass walks into ANY situation that they have seen cause wars and shit for the history of forever and treats it as if they will be the one person who will be able to change it?
That is fucking ridiculous, and excuse me for allowing the conflict of others to drive my general avoidance of it. In fact, don't excuse me for it because I am unapologetic for it. It is not a lack of open-mindedness as much as it good common fucking sense. No, this is not a socio-political blog and never will be.
A question was asked, people answered. I answered my own question based upon what I believe to be the case and have observed in the behaviors of others. It is my opinion and is stated as such. If it offends, I have no control over the feelings of anyone who may so happen across this, but that will do nothing to change the opinions contained.
RedEvil said…
Damn, how'd I miss another one!?

I'll leave my .02 here....

I have my own views as far as deities and beliefs go, and I've dated alot of different people of different faiths, and it usually worked out ok.

However, much in the vein of avoiding conflict, I pretty much refuse to discuss religion with those whom which I KNOW it will cause a heated conversation with.

I respect all faiths.

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