(6) The Serial Girlfriend, a MySpace repost/repack...

Original post, January 17, 2008
Slight addendum applied for 2010 accuracy as it relates to me somewhere down in there0... Material contained remains largely unmolested, though.

**warning**
If you've come looking for one of my funny little anecdotes, it is not here this time...

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A major question I have has been about what is wrong with being single until you know yourself well enough to know what it is you actually need and should expect of someone else? I mean that to say that I often see people rush from one person to the next, never quite achieving happiness, so much as achieving a relationship (or "relationshit," as it usually turns)... These interactions rarely last longer than 6 months, usually end ugly and often ruin, or at least greatly strain, friendships between people who are not even IN the relationshit. This could be attributed to a great many things, but the topic of today's conversation is "The Serial Girlfriend," and I THINK I got that concept in itself narrowed (well, as "narrow" as my long-winded entries can be) down to a few ideas, feel free to read with me and respond as you see fit. There are a few phases of the Serial Girlfriend, that girl who is in and out of relationships for various reasons, usually with very little to no down time on the in-between. None of these are mutually exclusive to one another, many may be shared within the same situations.




"I am not having sex unless I am in a relationship."
Yes, this is the one who doesn't want to feel like a whore for having sex outside of a "relationship." Hate to break the news to you, but according to most established religions and/or moral code, if there has not been some real lifetime commitment, you're just as wrong for making sex with a "boyfriend" as you would be with some strange dude after the club Friday night. Furthermore, do you you think your "friends" are talking about how it is July and you're on your 3rd or 4th boyfriend this year? I don't know how active one has to be to classify ones' self as a "whore," but if I was to commit myself to such a kill rate again as when I was a single man, it would signify a return of me likely being called a lot worse than a whore. I can't speak for everyone, here, but I can speak for myself and my closest friends when I say that when I was 'learning' a young lady and I come into the information that she has been in several "relationships" in a short period of time, I usually backed the fuck out quickly. Why? It shows me a level of indecision, or worse yet someone who rushes to an end without thinking through the consequences. I'd rather sooner avoid that drama.

"I will kill him to death with suspicion and distrust."
This damned fool has trusted you with the keys to his place and you use that as a license to snoop through his shit, looking for what? Then come the public confrontations because he glanced up as some other chick walks by. He falls asleep and you look through his cellphone, phonebook, text/picture messages, camera album and everything else it should so happen to hold. What will you do when you find what you're looking for? I have always been of the mindset that someone who is ACTIVELY distrusting to such extremes probably has some skeletons in their own closets and, in such, likely needs to be watched just as intently.
Furthermore, ladies (and men indirectly); when you and your new partner (or acquaintance/suitor, if things are flowing at the proper pace) are "new," and he has single friends, what is the FIRST thing he asks you? "Where are all your single friends?" and what is the FIRST thing out of your mouth? "I don't really hang out with females like that, most of my friends are men." Am I lying or not? Now, I will ignore how GRIMY this must mean women think other women are, because I love them just the same to ask another question. Let us carry all things as if they are equal, before you were "with," in whatever capacity, this guy with which you're currently dealing, was he not one of (or similar to) one of your male "friends," which will likely mean that he too has a few female "friends" that are to him what you are to your other male friends, no? Well why in the blue hell is it now unacceptable for him to maintain these acquaintances? Again, I can't speak for everyone, but I know that I will only stand for such an assault on my life for so long before I move on.

"I don't know, I guess I just prefer more of a challenge."
I will dub this one "Nice guys finish last," and I think I mentioned this to someone before... "Girl, he is 28, college educated, no kids, has a good job, outwardly intelligent, well-spoken and a generally good dude, but he is single... SOMETHING must be wrong with him."
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!!? You just completely skirted the dude who is probably the least risk in order to take bullshit a mile a second from the dude who is looking to lie his way into a steady source of pussy. Guess what? When that steady source becomes decidedly less steady, he will go to where it is, and you will re-enter the vicious cycle until you have a house full of children, or are stuck in a long-term with one of these lames who you were DETERMINED to change who has not and likely never will, but now has conceded to the "cheaper to keep her" approach that always applies when children are involved.

"I know he hits me, but..."
Again, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!!? Listen, I always joke about hitting women, I know all the best of Ike's lines from "What's Love Got to Do With It?" I have once coined the phrase "don't cheat on her... beat on her," but anyone that really knows me knows that I just don't have it in me. Nor should he, as just as applicable is that there is NO reason you should accept it or make excuses. Well, only when he is forced to do so in self defense, but that is an extreme and he had better have taken some credible physical damage before taking it there, no matter what Chris Brown might or might not remember or have to say about it.
Look, the fact that he hauls off and delivers Ike's vaunted southpaw backhand on you because you asked why he was 3 hours late coming home from work without calling does NOT mean he cares any more than if he just concedes that he fucked up and makes it up to you, it means that he is fucking batshit insane and you need to leave. Sure, there might be the kids to think about here, but (unfortunately for him) child support will see shit in your favor 90% of the time (even if you, yourself are un-fucking-fit). On top of it all, what comes of your kids if they have to listen to daddy smacking mommy up every Thursday?
I have also observed girls with things going well for them that go from one of these relationships to the next, then back to the old one, then to another, then back to the old one... Then someone gets sex and nothing more out of it, then she has another new boyfriend a week later, 2 weeks after that, he has beaten her ass and/or stolen from her. I would be inclined to enjoy the round-and-round, as the television writers' strike is STILL showing it's effect on television, but this soap opera gets old to me eventually. If you're in one of these situations and it doesn't get old to you, perhaps you need to invest in a chastity belt, a bible, a bookstore discount card and some self-help reading.

"I see what you're saying, but..."
As diminutive a word it is, "but" can completely refute what you just said or leave worthless what you say next. Why do we have friends? Usually, for all we have done, the fact remains that we have not done, have not seen, do not know everything, but through our collective of acquaintances, we can usually compile an impressive enough knowledge base to accomplish anything. What reason have we to not listen to the words of those we choose to keep closest to us when they tell us that someone or something is a very bad look?
I would love to have a "stunt double" to have made all my mistakes and told me why not to repeat them... I have heard it all, from "we had no way of knowing," when all the signs pointed directly to what took place. There has been "well I'd rather make my own mistakes," no thanks, I would rather spare myself that time and money. "Those who don't gamble lose nothing," where fact of the matter is that most who gamble lose everything. I rather enjoy the fact that there have been thousand of years of humanity before me, allowing the collective of experiences and fuckups that I would LOVE to learn from without having to repeat.

"Why are you so bothered? I am just concerned."
I have a mother, she has a mother, and trust they worry about me and bug me to shit in the pursuit of such. There is a fine line between genuine concern and "nagging me to shit," and that line varies from one individual to the next. Before rushing into a life with someone, is it not sage advice to spend the time learning that individual and their little nuances, then using a liberal application of "compromise," thus meeting somewhere in the middle? Famous last words: "See, I like [this], and I like [that], but I don't like [the other], and that is how they are, instead of taking that sign and ending it before too much is invested, or maybe even rethinking strategy, I am going to CHANGE that about them." May not come off like that verbatim, but that is where it starts, and the beginning of where it ends.
Employers of these tactics usually get a lot of practice, be it through frequent disagreements with the one person they should so happen to be with, or through the repetition that comes with going through it with someone new every couple months. I do not have the energy to argue with you and will generally go to whatever lengths I must to avoid such, I would appreciate the same in return.

"I am madly in love with [person]..."
(3 months later)
"I have found the love of my life..."
(3 months later)
"I think this one might be the one..."

I will let you in on a non-secret; as of 2007, the world population was 6,641,114,623... That is over 6.6 BILLION people. Fact of the matter, mathematically, is that you're not going to find "the one," as much as you're going to find "the one I can love enough to spend my life with," and the fact that you fall madly in love 5 times a year should be a testament to this. This also speaks directly to an inability to discern love from it's evil twin, lust. This goes not to mention the difference between "loving someone" and "being in love with someone." Unfortunately, the (very) human reflex to want to be wanted causes one to desperately look at the world through these rose-colored glasses, clouding one from being able to see that they're probably falling for someone who is not giving them the same. Reciprocity is noteworthy and infinitely valuable, if you're not getting any, then don't expect to be able to just TAKE it.



At the end of it all, I could go on and on and on about the "serial girlfriend," and why she is in some eerily similar shit as she was in with the last dude every couple months, but the fact remains that I am only able to do so from the outside looking in. Personally, I've avoided the serial girlfriend with all I have. I never entertained thoughts of going any further, beginning at the first signs shown. Hell, PePe LePew and the number of frying pans he took to the face in the cartoons were my first indication of how NOT to approach shit. I have often wondered what causes people to rush into a relationship, have it fail in quite ugly fashion, then rush into the next, then repeat some more. Do they people not see the common link between all of their relationshits (yes, I know there is a T at the end of that word)? Unfortunately, the next thing following is the "men ain't shit," or the "where are all the good men?" blogs that we get every day. Know that nothing worth having is easy, but nothing worth enjoying is a constant hassle. Finding the balance? That is purely up to you and the amount of effort you should damn well be willing to put forth BEFORE rushing into shit, then back into shit when that fails, then back into shit when THAT fails.

There is a male corollary to the Serial Girlfriend, but that is another blog for another time, to be written by someone who is not me. Someone who spends time studying dudes would be the person to make that post.

Maybe it's me, maybe my lack of tolerance for bullshit, especially the kind that I can see being a problem out front becoming quite off-putting, much to the point where I would sooner not be bothered. I am left with the solace in the peace that is my life and my comfort with my current situation as a result.
Individual results may vary, please see store for details...
People, and by "people," I mean women and men, I implore you to learn yourselves before you attempt to take on someone else, your life will be better for it.
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