But, but WHY?!!?

Gonna step on some toes, here...

[Phlip note - don't take it personal]

At current, I know/know of at least 5 (but probably more) people who are currently/recently-involved-with, dating or knocked up by persons that fit the description of a "loser."
Not that I have any hell to send any of these folk to, but considering these factors...
  • Un/Under-employed
  • Multiple children by multiple women
  • Drug habits (yes, even weed)
  • No ambition
  • Habitually unfaithful
  • Liars
... it is what it is.

As I have thought about the situations, I began to attempt to tie down just WHY these situations continue to fester as they have...

Do I have it tied down?
Hell no! But damned if I don't have an opinion or 20.

And that brings us to where we are today.


***1 - Control***
The fact that he does not have a job, or has one that pays like ass because of circumstances all of his own doing leaves him to need a place, a commodity that you may so happen to possess...
The feeling, more often than not based in truth, that an individual can be kept under your thumb due to the unfortunate circumstances that are their lives can lead to this situation where you keep them around only because you can control them.

However!!! (whatup, Galen!)

As Jake Hoyt said in Training Day, "It's not so fun when the rabbit has the gun."
In most cases, at some point the person being controlled will show that air of sentience that God gave geese and will either act out or break the fuck out.
[Phlip note - at least they should, but there always seems to be a divide between what is and what should be]


***2 - "Hard Luck B*tches"***
To quote the great David Blake...

"Hard luck bitches who live right next to the liquor sto'
The hazel-eyed bidi-smokin bitch eager to lick 'em low
The yeast-infected misdirected lowridin lover baby mother
with a mouth like a sailor ready to blow"

I say that, simply, to say that "like attracts like," and if something -- no matter how unhealthy -- is all that someone knows, they begin to treat it as normal, even if it isn't or shouldn't be.
Let's just say that I know cats I went to high school with who are in/out/in-and-out of jail behind that same shit.


***3 - Users***
This MIGHT be related to #1, but I feel it worthy of it's own point.
For whatever reason (monetary, status or otherwise), an individual will latch on to a weaker-willed or lower-capital individual and work the situation for their own personal gain. I could opine on any number of reasons for people who behave in this manner, many could be sub-points to #1 above, but a great many are related to...

(wait on it)...


***4 - ... Self-Esteem***
This one is (semi) obvious.
Individual settles for loser on the chance that they is all they can/will get.
-or-
Person purposely "dates down," so as to not gamble on losing someone who might have better options of their own.
-so-
Rather than working out the issues, they #1 (from the earlier paragraph) someone to validate their own issues.

Not always, just a great lot of the time. And I am not saying that this is born of the individual's own doing or intentions. Issues from home life or upbringing can be damning to a child-cum-adult's view of themselves. I can't, or won't, speak to the background of, but it remains a point worth mentioning that taking someone else down through your own shit is less than necessary.


***5 - Self-Esteem (from the other side)***
You know what?
Read this and return to finish...
This is a 2-way street. Corollary to the above-discussed people who underrate themselves are some most people who tend to overrate themselves. Be honest with yourself.
These situations tend to find a someone who probably has a bit going for themselves -- but inflating the shit out of them when talking about themselves -- "dating up" to someone who likely has more and better options, and in such completely douche-bagging the situation. That's right, THEY are the ones actually in control. Yes, the opposite side of #1, against wishes to the contrary.

[Phlip note - well shit, there's that old #1 again, huh?]


***6 - Got some dirt on your nose, there***
The crux of of dealing with a fuckup is the sometimes, but often perceived inevitability of a fucked the fuck up situation. If you, yourself have enough skeletons in your closet to fill a cemetery. That inevitability, as viewed, serves as "reasoning," thus allowing an avoidance of dealing with it.
Go into a situation with someone you KNOW has some shit with them, and it becomes available to be played as license to fuck the fuck up on your own, but do it above reproach.
Warning: Karmic Retribution is a BITCH, and I hear she bites.


***7 - Just don't know better***
As mentioned once before back in my Epic April, some people are just plain discon-damned-nected... Come from a life where everyone takes your most dastardly traits and ignores them for whatever reason and you stand a strong chance of seeing them as virtues.
This removes one from the ability to properly assess an individual before becoming consumed with them.

[Phlip note - "assess," not necessarily "judge," although you're more than justified to be judging someone as it relates to matters of the heart and/or genitals. Hell, ESPECIALLY the genitals]


In so many words, making someone out to be what they clearly are not, simply to satisfy a lie you're telling yourself. Minus EXTRA points if your plans included taking them from what they were and making it into what you wanted without their knowledge or willing participation in the metamorphosis.
Take the blinders off.



********and in closing...********

I do not claim to have all the answers to anything, only my opinion. An opinion that gets a chance EVERY DAY to see shit done the right way, but even more done the wrong way. I appreciate my home life and situation infinitely more as a result.

I know I have plenty of my own shit to deal with in the grand scheme of things. As I was working on this, The Katie posted a Facebook status that said...

"Remember... every thing in life is a Choice, and every Choice comes with a Consequence, whether good or bad! Stop and think before you Choose your Consequence!"
Damn, one would have thought that she was standing over my shoulder watching (and somehow managing to keep up with) me jumping up and down through the post, adding to and removing from bullet points.
[Phlip note - no, I do not sit and write each paragraph in the order in which you see them presented, never have]

I am left to wonder, still, though... With the amount of sense that the above-quoted statement makes, and in the face of my own as-presented opinion, itself born of anecdotal application (all names and specifics are withheld to protect the guilty), why in the blue HELL do people get and stay in shitty situations?
One further to ask is why do they leave that situation for a different brand of shittiness?

This is not advice, this is but opinion and some observations and should be taken as such.
Disagree? Let's hear it!
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