Pr0ns, you've failed me again - why porno is not a good sex-ed teacher

Okay, this is the point in time where we should probably be fathering our male children better...

Ignoring the undercurrent on FaceBook this past Sunday where there was more praise for women than men on Father's Day ('da fuck?!!?), and not willing to be blamed for being a homophobe for pointing out that boy children raised ONLY by single mothers tend to come off a bit effeminate, I will deal in fundamentals here.

In the opinion of a pr0ns connoisseur...

While exploration of the physical mechanics of the whole thing (yes, the in and out of it all, perhaps even some techniques), it stands to fact that anything beyond -- and sometimes including those -- cause more harm than good. Neverminding how unrealistic ANY pr0ns that you find yourself stealing on the internets buying actually is -- unless you're recording it at home -- pr0ns serves mainly voyeuristic fantasies, that is the need to see someone doing some shit that you couldn't, or wouldn't do at home.

Such as?

[Phlip note - in no particular order, of course]


  • Any woman who has sex with a dude whose sole purpose is to see that HE arrives, damned if she does or not, probably shouldn't be pretending to enjoy the exchange. That being said, if such a thing was repeated in the real world, one should expect it to be a one-time deal.

  • A byproduct of intercourse is fluid exchange, that is how we know we're done. There, I said it...
    HOWEVER!!!
    The name of common decency and general decor dictates that tasteful (read: NON-fucking-nasty) decent people can complete this exchange without a BP-level cleanup necessary. That is to say that the "money shot" is something that should be unlearned and/or never attempted as seen.
    Right, gentlemen, the whole "aim for the eyes" approach is a bad look. We're fine to know it happened, but it needs not be monumentalized by making an epic mess in the process. Trust me when I say it is a much more enjoyable solution --physically AND aesthetically -- for all involved parties to leave that where it belongs.

  • Pain and pleasure are not synonymous... If you cannot tell the difference between a moan that comes from someone enjoying what they're encountering and that born from a painful situation, then you probably shouldn't be making sex at all yet.

  • Do you adjust your seat, check mirrors and observe oncoming traffic (I live on a main throughfare) when you sit down in the car before pulling up, or do you hit the key, then immediately dump the clutch and go for it?
    That, people, is what we call a metaphor. Keep re-reading it until you realize that I just told you that proper planning prevents piss-poor performance.
    [Phlip note - and that was alliteration]

  • Quality > Quantity... If one person who does not know the 4 above-named (and any to follow) points are to be heeded before getting buttnekkid is bad, then why in the blue hell would 5 be any better? Not that any reasonable straight man should even WANT to share something like that anyway without a shower, a douche or 4, pap smear and full pelvic examination in between. And I am only partially an authority on the subject, but I am pretty sure that all the equipment for that shit might kill the mood.
    No further lining needed...

  • Quality > Quantity 2.0... You. Do. NOT. ask her to involve her friends or another woman, assuming you desire such a thing. Let her offer, then decline 5 times before accepting, if at all. Think of it like this: Imagine some dude fuckin' YOUR chick while you watched, then expecting you to participate with the same fervor that you might have been able to muster without the extra participant.
    Exactly...

  • Ladies!!! You're not exempted here.
    Do not allow the surgically enhanced or worked-out-to-the-point-of-obsession women in these films steer you the wrong way. In fact, start here, pay close attention to #s 1, 2, 6, 7 and 8... Know that if there was anything so egregiously wrong with you that we'd be averse to getting nekkid with you, then we wouldn't try.
    Real girls are sexy.

Seriously, the fact remains that the shit is all entertainment. Yes, women being women in general can be entertained by a dude fully clothed or no further than chest naked, letting their imaginations do the rest of the work. Men, on the other hand, are visually stimulated beings and sometimes need a little more to get the old imagination working. "Work up the appetite wherever, as long you eat at home" is what I've always said.
Will you encounter the deviants so fucked the fuck up in the head that they take the shit literally and act as such?
Sure, but that speaks more to their personal social ineptitude than to anything, in my opinion. The dividing line, however, is thin. So thin that it often becomes the point that all is made pariah. Correlation is not causation.

At the end of this all, we should all more or less resolve to be grown up about this...

Is porn a healthy addition to a normal sex life?
You damned right!

Just as much as Tyler Perry movies are as a representative microcosm of black family life.
[Phlip note - ZING!!!]

That being said, there comes the necessity of an understanding of just how serious this shit is NOT to be taken. If young girls are taken to be naïve and whatever else for thinking that Disney movies and older women with romantic comedies are what they're owed as relationships are concerned, then adolescent boys and men are just as wrong for feeling anything similar about porn.
Which is where this scribe began. The most accurate graphic depiction of the mechanics that we were not given in 7th-grade phys ed will come here, but that is where the lesson stop, at least until the lesson of what is and isn't really real can be properly dissected and explained -- at an appropriate age of course.

For general sex-ed purposes, though?
Let's just say that the internet will see to it that the future of humanity is FUCKED if things continue as they are. Pr0ns will be the cause of an extinction level event.
Luckily, anyone reading this will be long gone before that happens.
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