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Thursday, July 15, 2010

"Paging Sadie Hawkins"... a conversation

Sadie Hawkins.
Read for continuity, then continue.

Disclosure:
On Saturday night after Katie got off of work, she asked me if I wanted to go out and get something to eat (more on the details on this during my answer at the end) and the encounter found us in IHOP...
While there, we witnessed a dude and a chick, obviously on a date -- which appeared to be their first -- who had been seated and had drinks and menus in hand when we even arrived. We get our drinks and order our food, they're still mumbling over the menu.
Then it happened...
The server came to refill our drinks and see about taking their order, and the dude asks, pointing at the menu on each item "well, how big is that? you think it's about big enough for 2 people?" quite obviously negotiating with his "date" over the split of a meal to save dough. They wound up getting their food to go (presumably to avoid leaving a tip) and leaving. On the way out, he asked for SOMETHING that the server informed him would be a $0.99 additional charge, and he balked harder than ANYONE should over a dollar when dining in public.
Those of you connected to me on Facebook saw the discussion over it, quite hilariously if you ask me. But that is not the point here. The point is today's Question of the Day...

"What decides when WHO pays for a date? As in when does the man pay and when/if the woman does?"

I figured this'd be an interesting topic of conversation and before I was back inside from sending the text off to the Book of Face, I had a response or two.

First former coworker, Chanetta (no relation, lol), with...
"I say it depends on who ask who outn or suggest to go out!! If the guy ask, then he should be prepared to pay 4 the date, if the chick ask, then she should be prepared, however... In either instance, both should be willing ant anytime.. "

Next respondent was former coworker Lovetta, with...
"I agree with Chanetta...You asked, You pay. Now if they are in a relationship, then I think the girl should pay every other date. "

Up next was the homie Galen, with...
" If it's a blind/first date, you pay for you, she pays for her. And if she's annoying as all hell, do the move where... oh yeah, can't post that around here. Women-folks would get pissed off. I'll inform the SMPF of that one later.

In a relationship, alternate who pays. One night he pays, another night she pays. That way it keeps it fair."

After that was my Mexican cousin friend, Steve, with...
"i grew up with certain rules that were told by my old man...guy pays...dont matter who asks...its the gentlemen thing to do for a lady...but if she decides argue about it and take my sincerity out of the situation like all im tryin to do is get ass...then fuck it...she can go ahead and pay w/e"

Then back came Galen, with...
"@Steve don't get me wrong, I was taught that too. HOWEVER!! I have seen cases where when the man makes an attempt to pay, the woman gets upset and calls him a chauvinistic pig! I'm like WTF! So I take it on a case-by-case scenario"

Lovetta returned...
"@Galen Lol, yeah I've heard that as well. However, the reason I choose to pay every other date is because I want to lighten the load for my man. He has bills, just like I have bills, and eating out can be expensive. I think it's just common courtesy. "

Steve came back with...
"yeah ive ran into that...its a retarded response...and some just say shit just to say it too...and when u call there bluff...u get the old "ohh no...u got this...ill get us next time"...right..."
and followed up with
"i should clarify that...in my last post...i was talking about a scenario in which i buy steak and lobster...she buys...mcdee's dollar menu?...wtf..."

[Phlip note - see, the back and forth without arguing? THAT is what these conversations are about!]

Next respondent would be Roger, with...
"Ok phil, in that case, i say in general, a man should ALWAYS be "able" and "prepared" to pay. I dont believe in the "he/she who asks pays" rule b/c i consider it bullskittles. Why?b/c the vast majority of females want to be chased and/or will never ask for whatever reason. That said, i think in initial dating stages, guys pay, do the old fashioned thing. Anything more serious, and its case by case. There is no right or wrong, but if a woman can cop mountains of clothes/shoes, spend hundreds on hair/nails, but cant spring for a 14 dollar entree' just b/c she appreciates u, might wanna evaluate the young ladies long term value"

Then was the return of Galen (I think responding to Steve still), with...
"Oh I feel you on that. Which is why the ideal scenario would be this: If out on a first/blind date, she starts tripping, you slip & tell your server that it's gonna be on two separate tickets. You let her order whatever the hell she wants. You get the lowest cost item & a drink and call it a day"

Steve came back with his response...
"ive done that...she asks what she could order after...i told her w/e...checks came, i payed mine...she didnt even bring her wallet, just her ID...i left...lol "

[Phlip note - Steve, this conversation started at 6am your time, what in the blue hell are you even doing up?!!?]

Then came Joe, with...
"I go old school, I figure its just chivalry for the guy to pay, and thusly I do as such."

To which Steve retorted...
"@ joe-same here brodah...some times though...females dont get that and call me sexes...right...ahah!"

After some cooldown in a conversation that had burned hard and fast to begin with, Rashida chimed in with...
"I agree with James, context matters, and in the initial stages of a dating, I'm a big fan of chivalry- which amounts to paying for the date. And I'm as modern/feminist you get. I don't know who these women who are crying sexist, when a brother is trying to be nice, but yeah that is a problem. Now after a couple of dates, and it is clear that you may be doing it often, then it needs to alternate--Like Lovetta said- lighten up the load.
And realize the expectation that a man pays is not about funds necessarily, it's me trying to get a sense of what he's about. And even tho I have the expectation, I'll offer to pay for the tip, or if we go somewhere else and just have a drink, I may offer to buy the drink. There needs to be a give and take-- yes, but in the early stages a woman (like me I guess) wants to know that I am with someone whose "got me"- (in all it's forms)."

Next came former coworker April, with...
"How about instead of "u get what u pay for" we say "u pay for what u get"! Errybody pay for "they" own food/drinks! That will solve the Red Lobster/McD issue, alternating to lighten up each others' load issue, no one feelin like they "owe" the other person a meal (especially if the first date was a hott mess), etc. I'm just sayin..."

Friend since middle school, Enjoli dropped by with...
"This post is funny to me and all of yall are funny. Seriously though, I feel like no woman ever wants to pay at least I know i don't. I have five brothers and between them and my dad I just expect to be treated a certain way. So I would prefer that he pays as often as possible. Now the reality check in me realizes that we are in living in a completely different time period and with jobs like they are these days you just never know. So it usually ends up being if we are dating and you are asking me out I honestly expect you to pay. If we are in a serious relationship I would still prefer that you pay but in the end whoever has $ at the time of the outing should pay. Hell, I work hard for my money and if I want Red Lobster and you don't have enough to pay then lets go anyway and got it. I wouldn't be so rude as to go there alone and leave you to eat Ramen noodles at the crib. LOL!"

Steve responded...
"an honest female...its like finding a do-do birds...youve heard of em...but never seen or heard one...lol..."

Enjoli's retort was...
"Ha ha ha @ Steve- poor thing you don't know me Hun. Tell' em Phillip. LOL!"

For Steve to respond with...
"my point is...i rather have an honest,no game lady...than one that doesnt know wtf she wants...problem is...i live in SoCal...capitol of the superficial and ignorant..."

Rashida's response was...
"LOL @ STeve. Yes the land of the superficial and ignorant is probably a bit frustrating, but I promise there is another side to life. That being said, there is always a bit of ambiguity and feeling each other out in the dating (early) game. And our capitalist tendencies coupled with the funky economic state of things just heightens the angst. I'm not necessarily a fan of you pay for yours_ I pay for mine, because it sets a precedent of "you do you and I do me" in a relationship.
Also just because someone is monetarily paying for the date, doesn't mean they've contributed equally (that is prolly another question right PHil? Lol)... Did you hold your own in the convo? was I inspired by something you said? Was there chemistry (on a first or second date maybe).? I think these may also be considerations in the decision of what happens when the check comes."

Steve's response was a simple...
"im just gonna roll with the punches"

Next was former co-worker, Toi, with...
"I think chivalry is a great thing. But since I haven't really experienced it much it's not a major thing. But when it comes to paying I was taught to always have enough money on you to 1) buy yourself something to eat and 2) get a way home. So it doesn't matter who pays, I will always be able to pay for myself. (unlike Steve's horrible date) I also thinks it sexy when a woman can front the bill. I like being able to say I will pay this time. No just need to find someone worth taking out on a date."

Forum member Austin chimed in with...
"if i invite her, im comfortable paying.. ive had good dates pay sometimes.. the good ones are when she will pay for one part of the night *like the meal* and then ill get whatever *like the movie* etc.. If she orders the same food you ordere, she has low self esteem."

Next was Transformers/Zombie Fanatic Mel, with...
"If it's early dates, then the guy should pay. Chivalry isn't dead in my book and I don't think it should be. But if you get into a relationship then the women should pay when she can/wants to. "

Good friend/former Coworker April came with...
"If its the first date they guy should pay. However I never go anywhere w/o enough$ to cover the whole check and get home.....my dady taught me that...however I will pay as well. I feel like men have it hard w all these expectations sometimes...let me take you out and lighten your load sometimes...."

Another former coworker/comic fan chick (I don't forget ANYTHING) Kendra dropped off...
"I say who ever asks who out. If the girl asked the guy then she should be willing to pay and if he declines her offer during the dateshe should at least leave the tip."

Next after that was former coworker Adonya with...
"I agree w/ Kendra. If I ask I should pay & vice versa. If he asks & we do smthn I like tho (like a movie I want 2 see), I still feel I should pay. After all, it was my idea ;-)"
and then...
"And Austin just b/c a chick orders what u order doesn't mean she has low self esteem. Smtimes what u order sounds good!"

Last response was from La'Donnica (real name, no gimmicks, lol), with...
"True to character, I'm gonna say that with regard to general rules, there are none. I remember going on my first date in high school and not eating lunch for a week to save up to pay my way on our "date"; my mom picked at me all week for not eating lunch, but I didn't care. Of course, Friday we got to the movies and he also laughed at me for pulling out my lunch money. I don't think I've changed much in that regard; I don't mind paying for things but I think that in a relationship, there should be balance and compromise in some regard. I don't think anyone should have an expectation that someone should pay, but I certainly thing that there should be proper communication and understanding between the couple in every part of their relationship."


As for me? It goes a little something like this.
In general, the person who asks should be the one who expects to pay, simple as that. That has nothing to do with "first date" status or any other variables not discussed prior to actually agreeing to the date.
"Variables," you ask?
Sure, isht happens. Take The Katie and I for instance...
We get paid on opposite weeks, so it USUALLY happens that the person who has gotten paid on a given week will be the one who suggests what and where we go out to do, usually reflecting how much cash we have to spend. Then that person pays, even if it is a movie in the house and pizza and/or Chinese takeout.
Extenuating circumstances do come up though, which brings us back to Saturday. This last week was my pay week, but I am socking money away for a piece of jewelry, and still reeling from my birthday weekend just one week prior, so I was and am a little short on liquid cash to be spent on anything other than food to cook and gasoline. When she suggested we go out, I balked at it, knowing that the only money I had was...
  1. in a bank account for which I do not have any means of drawing out of except between 9-5 M-T, 9-6 F, and 9-12 Sat.
  2. am not allowing myself to spend of that money on myself yet, period.

She simply gave the "don't worry, I got this one," and we were on our way. There, though is a thing that we have In general, it is carried in the "whomever asks, pays" whenever she and I go out on a date. It was like that for our initial few dates, actually. They were all initiated/suggested by me, so I carried the cost of them. After two or three, she asked me if I wanted to go out, and while I made sure of my ability to carry the cost, she paid those times.

[Phlip note - and yes, we still call them "dates" even though we've been together for 22 months and are now engaged]

Communication -- HONEST communication -- is key to these situations. Otherwise, you find yourself caught the ufck out there on a date where you find you will have to have to split a meal, dine-n-ditch with a lame because they asked you out and you EXPECTED them to pay and left all your payment devices at home. At best -- and this still sucks as far as "dates" are concerned -- you go Dutch.

The issue, here, is not so much the money, or even being monetarily invested, so much as it is about simple fairness and common courtesy. Part of the expectation of being TREATED as independent is the onus of being EXPECTED to be independent. That knows no gender, it just is what it is.
If you ask someone out, you will come off as SUPER pretentious if you do so with the expectation that they pay for it. Unless, of course you are a person who Produces Income Managing Prostitutes or are dealing with a classic simp who will let you get away with such disrespectful acts.
Or you're a LeBron James-level douche master, and either way, you are worthy of being shamed.

I recall once, some (4ish?) years ago, taking a phonecall that began with "you know what? you should take me to PF Chang" and she was dead-ass serious. I was JUST as serious when I responded with "sheeit, you should take ME to PF Chang, 'ufck you talkin' bout?" and never entertained the advance with any suggestion that we would be eating there on that night. Needless to say, I have only eaten PF Chang once in my life and it was not with her.

If chivalry is dead, then it was murdered by women who say and believe isht like this.

Lucky for me and mine, chivalry lives on in my house. We handle these things the way responsible adults who can talk to one another handle things.
None of that "take it how you choose" chivalry shit either. I will be a gentleman, but expectations are all based in realism and respect, no bull isht accepted. That way I do not receive invites to let someone else spend my money and in return I don't have to split meals (unless of course I cooked them in which case there is plenty to go around AND leftovers) or leave anyone at the table with a separate check while I leave.

[Phlip note - not that I COULD do that, as we have not arrived in separate cars since the lunch where she met my mother]




And all this just because some dude with braids like O-Dog in Menace (see below) was trying to split a meal in IHOP with some chick with holes in her pants.

http://cm1.theinsider.com/thumbnail/640/480/cm1.theinsider.com/media/0/43/20/O-Dog.jpg
"ay, y'all wanna cheeseburger?!!?"

Monday, July 12, 2010

History lessons...

What the two of you may or may not know about me is that I have an extensive military service record...

Korea?
4 tours...

Cuban Missile Crisis
I was there...

Vietnam?
2 tours...

Desert Storm?
In the building...

Somalia?
Damn skrate...

Serbia/Kosovo?
I had retired, but was called in on a special force to kick some ass without even having to take names...

Afghanistan/Iraq 2.0?
Ufck that, I refused...


The most fond of my four tours of Korea would have to be the last one... Summer 1952, two weeks prior to my negative 47th birthday, I invented a method with which our defenses were so impregnable, even in the cover of night and sometimes rain, that the war would shift in our favor until 1953's cease fire.

The Cuban Missile Crisis was a weird one for me, I bumped into a claimed-claivoyant lady named Sanchez, whose first name I have since forgotten who used to tell me all kinds of random facts about my future romantic endeavors.
At the time, given my very young age of negative 17 and my persistent PTSD I thought the lady to be quite odd and out of place, but I listened nonetheless and I think my future (now present) is better for it.

Man, Vietnam was some OTHER isht, I still have flashbacks to this one the most.
I worked on fire/rescue, we were specially trained to save babies from burning orphanages, but never to question exactly what caused the burning of the orphange. We had to do this, even if the orphanage was burning in the midst of a torrential downpour, still with the charlies in the trees shooting at us.
My PTSD was a permanent condition after this one, from age negative 4 through now.
So extreme was it that I would often spend mornings talking to imaginary friends that I could not even think to name. When confronted about it, I would scream some unintelligible isht and I was eventually taken captive, and shipped to Guantanamo Bay as a terrorist, for 6 years, where I wrote the original Transformers and Voltron series, but my idea was stolen by some dude who I THOUGHT I was simply transcribing to, but escaped without me one day. The rest is history.

At age 11, I flew Blackhawks in Operation Desert Storm.
Luckily, that war only lasted 6 weeks, of which I was only called out of retirement for 2 of.

Somalia was crazy as hell... I would like to say that I remembered every minute of it, but lucky for the two of you, they made a documentary film about my going in to kick ass and take names to get my fellow soldiers out.

I was so against the actions of Serbia/Kosovo that I vowed I would never be drawn out of my retirement, even after a 68-year military career that spanned some four decades I was technically not even alive for.
Yes, at the ripe age of 20, I hung em up.

I was called to participate in Operation Iraqi Ufck Em Freedom, but I never returned the voicemail and never will.


Through it all, I have seen a great much of the world, as you can read this takes place in the face of seemed possibility, but this is my daydream blog and not yours, so don't question or judge me.
If I could find that lady in Cuba who predicted my romantic futures, including the experiences that tempered me for my appreciation of my current situation, I would thank her. I will use this space here to do so.
I would like to thank the military in general for allowing me to work as a special operative for all this time without committing to a specific branch or even requiring I go through basic training. My only issue has been the onset and continued harrowing case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which prevents me from living an normal life, what with the flashbacks and everything. I usually Kirk the ufck out in a Chinese restaurant or passing a nail salon. Katie often apologizes when I grab someone and hold them "until my unit returns," and shows them my documentation to avoid me being arrested.
Those flashbacks are also why I had to quit Karate when I was 13.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Yes, I waited

Unless you live under a rock or have Baseball's boring-ass head jammed up your ass since the end of the NBA season, you might have missed that this is allegedly the biggest summer of transactions in the NBA.

The crown jewel of this whole situation, despite my dislike of the kid personally, is LeBron James. True to my reasoning for not liking him, he hammed the spotlight, wasted peoples' time and threw ufcking press conferences and isht.

As per usual, the Knicks wasted money they probably shouldn't have and will be no better for it.

Boston struck first with their long-time star Paul Pierce opting out of his final year and taking a little less money than he could have demanded. As much as I dislike him for being a douche in general, I respect his having done so. It remains to be seen what they will do to make their situation better via trades and other non-megastar free agents, seeing as how they didn't save enough to secure one of them.

Toronto gave Ahmir Johnson, who scored 6.2 points per game last year $34mil.
Thus marks their concession that Chris Bosh was leaving with nothing in return.

Phoenix gave Channing Frye decent cash, but didn't necessarily seem interested in paying Amar'e. Given the outcomes of their seasons and the way he kinda coasted/quit in the playoffs, I can't say as I blame them.

Memphis gave Rudy Gay max money after he flirted with the idea of getting it from Minnesota.
Doesn't Kevin Love play in Minnesota?
I guess this means we won't see any Gay/Love balling together this season.
(pause...)
[Phlip note - not mine, I saw that on a forum last week]

Milwaukee got suckered into giving John Salmons $40mil over 5 years.
After trading for Corey Maggette, and giving Drew Gooden too much money, they will miss the playoffs this coming year.

Los Angeles maintained preferred-to-repeat position simply by re-signing Phil Jackson.
Wait, isn't he a coach and not a player?
Yes, but he was free to sign wherever he chose, or retire, and decided to take one last swing at it. Natural decision, that, given that he was on an established champion where all of the shufflings all over the remainder of the league SHOULD leave him with one last year to win so long as everyone stays healthy.
Also, they filled their need for a right-now point guard without a ton of miles on them in case Derek Fisher doesn't come back for his 6th ring, and in case the guards on the bench can't cut it.

Atlanta overspent on Joe Johnson, offering $119mil to a player who is not worth max money, but capitalized on a market that happened to include 2.5ish of them.

In Dallas, Dirk Nowitzky opted out of his final year and took a bit of a cut in order to free some funds up for Dallas to be made a better team. I will not opine on whether or not this will work, since Don Nelson's son runs the day-to-day on this team and we know Nellieball does not work anywhere.

Orlando finally got Chris Duhon, and for less money than they might have had to give him 2 years ago, but still too much compared to what they will be getting out of him.

New York dropped the ball, as they stay losing...
Maxed out Amar'e Stoudemire with $100mil. What they neglect to realize is that he has been Karl Malone to Steve Nash's John Stockton for the whole of his career, depending on Nash to directly facilitate a full third of his career points. This goes not to mention points gained on the free throw line or via a "hockey assist," where Nash makes the play and passes to a player who then passes to Amar'e to score the ball.
Let us not forget Amar'e being out rebounded by EVERYONE he was up against in the Western Conference Finals -- including his own point guard in one game -- would rather talk about how much better he is than who he is up against than to be bothered with proving it.

Oklahoma City did the smart thing and re-upped Kevin Durant for 5 years for what one could only assume would be max available money now, doing so before we go BACK into this isht next year.

Denver, also seeing the circus, made Carmelo a max-money offer that was the best of both worlds... He could get the longest money, but only 3 years. This, to me, means that he would be able to assess whether or not they were about their business and not be trapped on a non-contender too far past his prime, like Kevin Garnett was. The option for them, though, would be to trade him if he was not accepting of that. Good ideas on both sides, still not reconciled, but we're only one week into this circus now.

Miami had money to play with and made it known that they were willing to do so. Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh both signed with them. More on my opinion on this shortly.

Cleveland did the right thing by firing head "coach" Mike Brown due to his failure to coach his team when it mattered, then they apparently informed his buddy, GM Danny Ferry, that his contract would not be renewed.
Then they begged LeBron to re-sign with them, while doing nothing else to get any better. Shaquille O'Neal was in the last year of his contract and free to go where he wanted, taking whatever leftover funds after windfall gains by the top names were taken and overpaid. They did take in a coach who took the ufcking Nets to the finals twice and was a former coach of the year, so they showed commitment to getting a good coach in the folds, but the on-court was somehow back to 2007 status.
Through it all, this invokes memories of having Ernie Davis and Jim Brown, only to lose Davis to Leukemia, "The Shot," the Browns leaving to Baltimore and a "new" Browns team coming in and similarly sucking, The Indians' continued non-chance of ever winning anything and now the Cavs return to the lottery.

Back to Miami...
They hit the lotto, but vacuumed the whole team they had to afford it. They have the crowned jewels of this free agent season and only one other player under contract as of when I type this. As it were, it is very realistic that all this posturing on the part of the much-maligned LeBron James in his pulling the largest primadona dick move in modern sports history might come off to amount to nothing at the end of this all.
"Really?"
Damn right...
Watch me:

The Lakers are head and shoulders above as the best in the west, parity has been FURTHER returned to the east, so the Eastern Conference Champion likely arrives to the finals beat to shit from 3 rounds before it.
Now, look out west, the changing of the guard is happening with Portland, OKC and (potentially, at least) The Clippers (provided Blake Griffin is not a bust) all on that tier just below the Lakers, with the Spurs and Suns aging out of their respective windows themselves. Denver will still be Denver unless Melo leaves. All that being said, the chance that The Heat/MonSTARS DON'T win a title is still very real, even if not likely.

For all the posturing the moves made have been, they have made New York and Chicago NO better, and Miami is observable as having improved by virtue of what they added, but it remains to be seen where and how they make this work, considering you need to suit up more than 7 players (4 under contract and 3 draft picks) to compete.
Yes, this will be interesting to watch as a fan of basketball, but damned if I am preemptively crowning them with a damned thing. Hell, even Boston's "Big Three" had immediate bench support and proven coaching to win so fast.
Wait, coaching?
Yes, Erik Spoelstra is a dead man walking, I give him this season before Pat Riley dicks him over like he did Van Gundy 4 years ago.

I could go on and on and on about the ills of this whole fiasco, but I have never pretended to like LeBron as a person, and this only validates every reason I ever had.
I will let the professionals do that.

Charley Rosen
Mark Kriegel
Jason Whitlock

We know my opinion of him has never been great, but it seems that this fiasco is turning those who were once homers for him against.
With the exception of those working for ESPN, which I apparently never will.

Oh well, they don't play basketball in my mind or on the internets, they play them inside of televisions...
That being said, it remains to be seen how this will be carried this coming November through June.
I will wait patiently.

Friday, July 2, 2010

See you on the other side...

http://www.madeyoulaugh.com/animals/on_vacation/on_vacation.jpg

My birthday just (technically) ended, but I will have to return to work this morning.
Then it will be the weekend.

See the two of you next week sometime, I will be perfecting the best-applied binge drinking technique at the party Sunday, then paying for it chilling at home on Monday, so don't expect to see anything at least until I return to work on Tuesday.

Wish me luck!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

What a difference 11,323 days makes

As of the moment that this post will go live, I am now 31 years old. With leap years of 1980, 84, 88, 92, 96, 2000, 04 and 08, that is Eleven Thousand, Three Hundred Twenty-Three days in those 31 full trips around the sun.
In that time, I have learned a great many things, gained and lost a great many things and people and importantly take from it a great many lessons.

I guess I have my parents to thank here as well. I thank my dad for giving me a clear and concise portrait of how NOT to deal any children I should so happen to sire. I thank my mom for doing as best she could with what she was given.
I thank the three of my grandparents who were alive to help raise me where pops just wouldn't, even when we were with him or when my moms just couldn't because of the hand we were dealt. I thank my late grandfather for the life lessons a man should impart on a growing boy, in the absence of the normally necessary father figure.

I thank my moms especially for allowing us the chance to ufck up within reason. What we took from this was the reason for what was right or wrong being right or wrong, as opposed to just some "do what the ufck I said because I said it" kind of upbringing that has a great many of those we came up with in jail to this day. This also taught me in adulthood that I am more than okay with letting other people ufck up while allowing to learn from their miscues.


To The Katie, who I intend the rest of forever with. I thank you for putting up with all my isht...
The loud snoring and farting in my sleep. The shoes all over the house. The general silliness and beer-with-every-after-work-meal sensibilities. The increasingly mountainous collections of model cars and rubber duckies. The damn near ONLY Reality TV and sports programming watching. The yelling loudly at games, whether good or bad. I know I am difficult to live with -- hell, I don't want to live with myself sometimes -- yet you've committed to stay for the duration. I love you for loving me and meaning it.

To anyone reading this, family, friends and anyone not specifically named above...
[Phlip note - don't take that personal unless you just needed something to take personal today, I will likely be too drunk by the time you read this to even care]

Know that, with the number of people who come in and out of my life that if you're even close enough to me to be reading this right now that I see a place for you around me, even if only in the capacity that of a "blog reader," just know that it is more than some others in my past have been granted, even if my blog is publicly available. Knowing me, most should realize that I make a point of not keeping any isht around me. Play in isht long enough you're bound to get some on you. Everyone I would call a friend knows why they are that. If they're the people I can talk to about (well almost talk about, as some isht is for Bruiser's ears only since he can't talk human) anything, they're the people who came to that hospital 7 years ago every day for the whole of my 2+ weeks. They're the people who get my random-ass text messages and borderline offensive jokes and facebook updates.
Hell, some of them are the snake motherufckers talking isht about me when I am not around as if someone who is actually worth having around won't eventually tell me.
[Phlip note - you know who you are, I can think of 2 of you who might see this right now as I type this, even if I never bother confronting you]

Somehow, if I thought you were close enough to be in attendance, you've received communication of the location, date and time of the celebration of my twin and my birthday, as well as that of my brother-in-law and, my cousin and my best friend (should those last two make it out). It will be Sunday, July 4 at 5pm and go on into the night until everyone has either left or passed out, weather be damned. If you would like to be in attendance, you should have some means of contacting me already, be it via the FaceBook, phone or email. Employ them.
For those who would like to pitch in on the party but cannot be in attendance in Greensboro, NC for geographical or other reasons, we do take Paypal and the button with which to do so is located over there on the right. Any amount will be welcomed and will surely be applied to the budget of food, alcohol, or pain relievers to be employed the following morning.

As this post actually goes live (as I'd actually typed it June 3), I am either in the bed, out in the world drinking heavily -- even if in someone's home -- or somehow otherwise occupied. I wouldn't miss, though, the opportunity to bid myself feliz cumpleanos, and would be more than pleased with you to do me the same.