Life, love, hip hop, humor AND instructions on how to cook a bangin'-ass meal... all in one place. I put the words here, make what you want of them.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Phlip's 2010 NFL Post

While I like Football more than we've all read that I do baseball, I am absolutely not the standard rabid meathead fan that seems to rear their ugly heads this time of year. That being said, if you're for looking for something as in-depth and knowledgeable as my Basketball Posts, you should probably leave now.
Something about a sport where this guy has a chance seems a bit less than wholly enjoyable to me.


I understand that any sport that employs up to 10 or more of what could be construed as "fat dudes" on the field at any given time makes the average American feel as if he is witnessing something that he might have a realistic chance at doing, further endearing himself to it, but I just ain't feeling it like that.

Don't get me wrong, now, I like Football just fine. I just prefer to watch a sport with less stop-and-go to it, so give me basketball any day.

That being said, don't look for me to have spent time understanding offensive/defensive schemes, don't look for me to assess talent beyond what I see on highlight shows, even if I was watching the game when it happened and don't look for any meaningful predictions out of me.

Since a child, I have been a San Francisco 49ers fan...
Well, at the age I started getting into sports, they had the players I liked. Joe Montana and Jerry Rice linked up for obscene amounts of yards and touchdowns, Ronnie Lott kept the defense entertaining... There was enough action on the field for my short attention span to be entertained. A loyal fan doesn't jump teams, even when one sprouts up 90 miles from my home when I am on the way to the 11th grade one year removed from my team of choice winning their last most recent Superbowl.
That being said, and since Steve Young seeing his career cut short by concussions and Terrell Owens leaving the team in his wake, I am not all the way faithful that we will make much noise this season. Good thing I won't be left to see many of the games on television.

The Detroit Lions will be vying for the league toilet again.
[Phlip note - that is a self-writing prediction year in and year out]

  • Fuck Brett Favre, I've grown tired of his Soap Opera every year here.

  • Fuck Peyton Manning, I have grown tired of him choking on the biggest stage more than succeeding on it.
    This year, with the rule changes in place, he won't make it that far though.

  • Fuck Ben RoofieRoethlisberger, if he had been black he would not be playing at all this season... As it were, he will surely see his suspension shortened.
[Phlip note - and you can suck my "race card" ass if you think otherwise]

  • Fuck Roger Goodell... No further explanation needed.

  • Fuck Terrell Owens, except this time he will escape the stigma of ruining a team, as this time he joined one that seems to revel in not getting along worth a shit already.

  • Fuck fantasy football.

I could go on and on with this all day, but the fact remains that I do not feel like it.

Who will win the Superbowl this year?
Beats me! Hell, I couldn't even predict -- based upon what I think I know right now -- who will be in the playoffs. Yes, the amount of a fuck that I give is literally that small. I am more about simply watching the playoffs, as they provide way better parity than the regular season.

What I do know is that I am most appreciative of Football for its nearly completely removing the focus from Baseball for the last weeks of the season.
Besides, Football is a little bit ghey anyway...
It also provides a workable something-to-do for me while I wait impatiently for the NBA season to commence at the end of October.

Required reading:
5 Reasons Why The NBA is Better Than The NFL - VSB.

Wake me up when the playoffs start, I will try to care a little more then.

"I'm not [...], but..."

Maybe it's just me, but I am being inundated lately with a mountain of "I'm not [item], but..." followed by completion of a sentence -- or omission of what SHOULD complete the sentence -- that would better serve to show that the individual speaking is exactly what they beckon you to believe they're not.
Therein lies the power of the otherwise diminutive word "but."

[Phlip note - not to be confused with the immense power that a Big Butt and a Smile obviously holds, but that is another blog for another time]

A 3-letter, 1-syllable word can change the meaning and course of everything spoken before it. Seems quite powerful to me.


"Now, I'm not racist, but I totally agree with the law in Arizona, if someone would have done this before, all these Mexicans wouldn't be a problem now"
  • See, now... If you were so sure in your conviction that you weren't a racist, you might have done yourself the service of not following up your initial statement with a contradiction of it.
"Now, I am not trying to tell you what to do with your life, but you really are doing [item] all wrong... you should [do it this way, yaddayaddayadda]"
  • If you were NOT trying to tell me how to live my life, you would have happily shut the fuck up and refrained from giving me your opinion until I asked for it.
"I'm not ignoring you, but I just don't respond to you for days on end, then tell you I just didn't have time right then."
  • (no explanation necessary)
"I'm not mad, [but] I just don't wanna talk about it"
  • This is one where the "but" is inferred, as the person's actions indicate more that they're totally shitting you than any words they have tried to withhold to not show their hand.
"I'm not homophobic or nothing, but don't come around me with that ghey isht."
  • This person is about as bad as the racist, they will go on and on with "anti" language, assuring you that they have a mountain of friends who are what they're claiming not to be against as support that they're not against it. Except they keep talking, and their true colors become more apparent as they do.
"I ain't hatin' but [continue with colored people isht]"
  • Shut it, you're hating, otherwise you wouldn't need to talk about not hating, take it from a professional "hater".

I really could do this all day, but why would you need me for that?
Go to any location where human beings are talking and this shit is taking place. The topics are often sensitive subjects that most people would be most prudent to just shut up about, but that is not human nature, it seems.
Being a people watcher and admitted asshole has equipped me to see things that everyone SHOULD be seeing, but often fail to notice in realtime, try it next time you're out somewhere. You can feel free to stop short of calling someone on their bullshit, though.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Perhaps Justin Bieber ain't Nothin to F*ck Wit?

I knew when Clifford Smith (not to be confused with the OTHER famous Clifford Smith) let the powers that be coerce talk him into letting Diddy Executive Produce Tical O: The Prequel that the “Wu Tang Clan Ain’t Nothin’ to Fuck With” days were FAAAAAR behind us. Neverminding even the fact that the album – and the one before it – were just plain bad anyway.
That assessment, strangely enough, applied to all members releasing albums as well. Things had reached the point where the once-juggernaut had reached a stale point in their careers.

[Phlip note – all except for Ol Dirty and Ghostface to a lesser extent, but let us not go there on this post]

Anyway… What with Method Man’s digression, RZA’s realization that there was bigger money in television and movies (yes, even scoring them) than in rap, the deluge of wholly forgettable albums from literally EVERY member of the brood, be they “main” (the ones with names we care to remember) or satellite members/factions, Wu-Tang had become a laughable shell of what they once were. It was almost as if the album title “Wu-Tang Forever” was intended to be a cruel joke to remain as a kick in the nuts to the legions of Wu Stans the world over.
And God KNOWS there were – and still are – Wu Stans. They’re still out there, to be honest. No longer are they simply black kids who pretend to take seriously the message of the 5% nation that the music used to contain. Those fans were replaced with white kids who prattle on and on and fucking on about “real hip-hop” vs. “rap” and how much they miss good music and whatever bullshit cause they’ve chosen to take up this week. They were replaced with black “backpacker” rap fans, who ignored their chosen sect of Wu lyrics to complain about “diamonds/guns/cars” rap. The common bond was to bitch about “commercial” rap, and the tie that bound them was the hope on top of hope that Wu-Tang would somehow come back together and rise back to prominence.
They got along like blood kin at shows and the like.

If those groups had been holding their breath at the time in wait for a rise back to prominence, they’re all blue (or purple, dependent upon their original skin tone) in the fucking face right now.

To offer full disclosure; I was a huge fan of the Wu-Tang clan, but I was late to the party… In fact, I have a friend who is 4 years younger than me who was WAAAAAY into it at the time, I was 14 ane he was 10...

[Phlip note - and as that was almost 17 years ago, I feel kinda old typing that]

Despite his constant talk of them, it took me until that 3-4 months between The Gravediggaz (if you count that one -- I do) first album and Method Man’s debut solo joint to begin to get on board… The releases of Only Built 4 Cuban Linx and Ironman, though, were what sold me on the entire – and totally epic – first round of solo releases.
Being the dick that I am, though, I fucking REFUSED to mark the fuck out and become a Stan of them. In such, I was FULLY able to call a spade a spade and tell people when a release was fucking horrible and not at all worth a dime of my money (Immobilarity and The Lex Diamonds Story, for examples).
That being said, I was less than hurt when one bad/subpar release became a string of them that EASILY matched that above-discussed string of albums at the beginning. To me, as a critical listener of music, they’d become a lazy collective, throwing out shit (yes, literal fecal matter) without much of the effort once employed, because they knew they’re fans would lap that shit right up without question.
And it worked for a while…

Then hip-hop changed, and it changed WITHOUT them.
My opinion does not allow that I say that it changed for the better, just that it changed. During this time of change, Wu-Tang had become “old school” in a market where people who came in around the same time as them (give take a year or two) were motherfucking FLOURISHING! Given that fact, I would continue to refuse to think of them as “old school” or even “throwback” as so many seemed to want to describe them as. It seemed almost to be to ease the pain of seeing their old heroes being put out to pasture after a terribly protracted run, brought on by what I honestly view as their own arrogant-assed pretense.

Perhaps Wu-Tang Clan was something to fuck with all along?

Which brings me to the here and now…
Back in the original (say 1993-1998ish) days, we might have allowed ourselves to infer – based upon the lyrics contained in their albums – that things that have taken place in the last little while just would not have taken place, at least not the way they went down.
What do I mean, you ask?

  • Diddy would not have executive produced Method Man’s wack album. He would be robbed and the money used to make a better one, produced by the RZA and ONLY the RZA.
  • No member of the Clan would have considered signing to the label (aftermath) of an artist (50 Cent) that had publicly had issue with any other member.
  • Raekwon would not have even gotten involved in Joe Budden’s little kerfuffle with Method Man. No other member of the Clan would have either, Joey would have just turned up shot the fuck up somewhere, not ustreaming about it.
  • Kanye West? Beaten up and robbed on GP – or for dressing like a fruit If you need one reason.
  • Justin Bieber? Robbed as well, reason not necessary.

[Phlip note – stick a pin in those last two, they’re coming back up]

Yes, mid-nineties hardcore hip-hop was ignorant, violent and robberous (if that is a word) in nature. Our “heroes” were believable in their aesthetic, they looked like filthy dudes who would actually carry out the acts that they described to us in a manner that led us to believe they actually had at some point before, perhaps even habitually.

Through Wu Tang’s Lyrics, we were led to believe that all things “pop” and “R&B” and the like were soft and somehow beneath them on one end, or at the very least just a lane they would not employ on the other…

Enter this gayly-coiffed void-of-facial hair individual:

Now throw in Kanye West, mix in a little bit of Raekwon on a remix to a song, then announce it via Twitter and you have what would cause EVERY Wu Stan to have committed Seppuku had it occurred in the summer of 1997.
This odd and wholly unlikely combination leaves me with some questions...

  1. Is is Justin Bieber -- and not Wu-Tang Clan -- who ain't nothin' to fuck wit?

  2. Were Wu Stans ignoring the writing on the wall when their heroes flatly repeated to them "Cash Rules Everything Around Me" all those years ago?

    or perhaps...
  3. No one of our favorite artists are as "pure" as they happily get their bread leading us to believe they are?
The worst-case (but most likely) is a combination of #s 2 and 3 above, which would Form Like Voltron to bring #1 to truth with them. Funny how shit like that works out sometimes.

The favorite employed go-to excuse for the decline in Wu-Tang quality since the twilight years (damn, it feels weird to call the 8th year of a career "twilight" when that career is anything other than football) of their career was always "well, it's better than [this]" or "well, it's at least it's not [them]" or "blahblahblah [that]".
It is EXTRA funny to me to look at those same people as they bite their tongue in the realization that in such moves -- the involving themselves in childish petty beef, the collabo with pop queen divas such as Kanye and J. Bieber, the becoming the proverbial old men on their front lawn yelling at the neighborhood kids -- they have BECOME everything that those who love(d) them most love(d) them for NOT being.

Funny how those things turn out sometimes, no?
Things being as they are... To the average Wu Stan, ANY Wu member making a song with Justin Bieber is just like Hollywood Hogan on July 7th, 1996...
[Phlip note - click that link if you don't get that]
To that same Wu Stan, ANY Wu member on that same song is the equivalent to LeBron James' "Decision" on July 8th, 2010.
[Phlip note - no link necessary--... HOLY FUCK, THAT WAS ALMOST ON THE EXACT DAY!!!!]

Stick a fork in em, I hope the rest of them were smarter with their finances than Method Man was.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The internets is making me hate my car...

Look, I know it is not some top-end Italian hypercar with an unpronouncable name, but it is what I chose to own and will continue to at that...

no I was not cinderblocked, my wheels are black

Not that anything is wrong with my car, but I am getting kinda tired of it...

  • Stiff ride, loud as fuck exhaust and all the creaks and groans that come in a 21 year-old sporty coupe.

  • "Dude, you should sell me your car!" or "man, do you drift that thing?" every single fucking time I go to the mall between the months of March and October and fall to eyeshot of the first available 16-24 year-old...

  • 100ยบ NC Summers with no Air Conditioning…

  • Squirrelly ride in the rain, even with great tires…

  • Fuggin TREACHEROUS ride in icy conditions, to the point where I have laid out of work so as to actually live to tell about it…

  • Little ticky-tack shit like Idle Air Control Valve causing a funny idle and dropping another fuel injector what seems like every 6 months…

I am beginning to think the love affair is coming to an end, and I will begin serious designs on getting myself a daily, then drive this thing like once or twice a month. I am most seriously considering a Subaru or something with AWD, perhaps a wagon for the family/cargo space and such.
No, this does NOT mean that I will EVER sell my coupe, I would rather it rot out of drivability sitting on my driveway than to CONSIDER loosing it to some fuck who would make a “missile” out of it or otherwise fuck it up. It would at least remain a relic to times where people could lightly modify a car and be wholly conservative about it.

At the still-young age of 31, I am purely capable of continuing with a generally reliable car. As a great many of the two of you know, I volunteer (as in I work without pay) as a moderator on a Web Forum dedicated to the above-imaged automobile. The think-tank has been a constantly valuable source of information and materials for the upkeep/modification of my car, but the popularity of the car has grown because of sites such as, which is making the ownership of the car in general a bit of a bother.
Motherfucking fanbois...
I would like to be able to go out in public without being accosted about what I have done/planned to do with my car. I am not the dick who needs to be center of attention, sometimes I just want to go in the mall and get a pair of sneakers without talking to ANYONE but the person collecting commission for getting my Size 10.5 Nike Airs off of a shelf.

  • I don't care that you've been/plan to/desire to go to Japan.
  • I don't have a car to sell you
  • No one I know has one to sell you
  • I don't have any parts to sell you
  • It would take an obscene amount of money -- as in many many times the value of my car -- for you to wrest it from my possession
  • You can not have my phone number or email address
Matter of fact...

Fuck you.
Fuck the plane you flew in on.
Fuck them shoes.
Fuck yo socks with the bell on it.
Fuck your gay ass Harry Potter accent.
Fuck them cheap ass cigars.
Fuck your Yuckmouth teeth.
Fuck your Hairpiece.
Fuck yo Chocolate.
Fuck Guy Ritchie
Fuck Prince William.
Fuck the Queen.

This is America, my president is black and my lambo is blue n**ga.

Now get the fuck out my face room, and if I see you in the street I'm slappin the shit out of you.

Yes, the behaviors born of a boom on the internet has turned my tastes purely against something that I was sure I would love and nurture for a long time, but instead now I only plan to keep to enjoy sparingly and to spite those who would sell a testicle on ebay to own one with the known history that mine has.
Tough break, this one is not leaving me, period.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Happy 45th, Blastmaster!

In honor of KRS-ONE's 45th birthday, I am digging into the archives for a repost from 10/15/2009...
Call it a "dick move" and I am unlikely to deny it.

Conversing with Roger one day last week year, we came to a realization here about some of the "pioneers" of hip hop. One in particular.

Lawrence "KRS-One" Parker is a pretentious and self-righteous bastard sometimes.
And by "sometimes," I mean "damn near every time he opens his mouth."

For all his "Temple of Hip Hop" pseudo-religion talk and popping up to hate on whomever is popular at a given time -- blatantly or indirectly -- I find it odd that someone who has been "in the industry" since 1980, almost 30 years now, only has 14 (mostly shitty) solo albums released since. Strange, that, when one considers the number of people whose careers who have begun SINCE then who have almost matched that output with WAY more consistent results. One might think that last night's blog was a slight on him, but actually Jay-Z comes to mind as I type that.

For all of his posturing and complaining, one would think that KRS would work on having cemented a better legacy for HIMSELF before doing shit like complaining about Nelly only to be ignored by even those who might have ignored him.

One would think that perhaps he should be WRITING MUSIC [imagine that -- what he DOES for a living?!!?] instead of very insensitively opining on things like September 11th.

One would think that if he had behaved as if he was even TRYING to be a hip hop ARTIST instead of some kind of hip hop Dalai Lama or something, that maybe, JUST FUCKING MAYBE, he would have a catalog that one could look at and call on more than MAYBE 5-6 songs.

One might think that he MIGHT not have felt he had to make statements like "Def Jam single-handedly destroyed hip hop" if he himself, as an artist who was in position at the time to actually DO something to either preclude such an occurrence with his involvement.
[Phlip note - isn't it IRONIC that he was involved in hip hop honors commemorating Def Jam just after saying that?]
Instead, he plays the role of the senile old coot on the hill preaching to woodland animals.

Perhaps if he had been WRITING hip hop music instead of writing ABOUT hip hop music, he would be included more in the conversation on the greats of the past generation of hip hop artists.
[Phlip note - did anyone notice that book has been in "pre-order" status for over 6 years? Perhaps he is no better as a writer ABOUT hip hop than he is a writer OF it... I'm just sayin']

Don't get me wrong, it is far from my aim to see anyone not named Soulja Boy fail at this hip hop shit, really it isn't.

I find KRS-One's approach to it rather fucking odd though. He seems to have conceded that his participation as an actual participant was not substantial enough to make the ripple one may have wanted for themselves. Being that as it were, he seems to have regrouped his approach so as to cash in on SOMETHING hip hop related, since he apparently bothered not to have any specific experience doing anything else. Instead of making the quality music that we KNOW he is capable of [Seriously, I could listen to 1997's "Step Into a World" RIGHT NOW like it was brand new] he'd rather thumb his nose at people who DO make music that people actually do buy.

Sure, his output has been more than, say... Rakim, who has 2 solo albums (with another coming next month) and 4 with Eric B, BUT I don't recall reading anywhere about Rakim throwing kiddie bitch fits about the state of hip hop not being up to his standard. I have never heard of anyone (well, except Freddie Foxxx, but he was being bitter) with an ill word for Rakim. KRS does not have that going for him.

On the other side of it, it seems that KRS is aligning himself with people who are about hip hop in spite of hip hop, if you dig what I mean. He recently partnered with Buckshot of Black Moon for an album which I have downloaded but not yet had time for, what with Slaughterhouse and all else I have had on my plate at home. I will make a point of test driving it within the next couple of days. I don't HATE the guy, I just have a sincere lack of pleasure with his chosen approach to his involvement in hip hop as a whole. It seems that one would -- if they feel that something is wronging them so egregiously, as he is suggesting hip hop has done him -- then they remove themselves from the fucking situation. Ask me how many times I have THOUGHT about getting on a skateboard after busting my ass back in 87...
If hip hop is doing or has done KRS so dirty, why has he not gone to work managing Kinney shoes, or used that pen he seems to want to use so much to write about something ELSE?

What do I know? I'm pretty sure someone who happens upon this will be waiting on their turn to call me a "hater" or some similarly weak-winded assessment of me based upon my opinions presented. Oh well, can't be prevented I guess.

"History Issues"... a conversation

This one came from the suggestion of The Katie...

Last night, when she came in from work, she started -- before even addressing the dogs – “hey, I have an idea for a question of the day.”
I think she had heard it on the radio or somewhere between work, class and then home. At first I was not sure about it, but when I got here this morning, I decided that such a discussion might help the day along, I logged into the Book of Face from my communications device on the way in to work and asked…

“Question of the day… How many prior partners/relationships is too many?”

I thought, knowing what I know about my friends on the Book of Face, that this would be a damned interesting conversation.

By the time I was seated at my desk, I had my first response from high school classmate, Tim, with…
"Don't ask don't tell no one really wants to know and if you do tell they think your lying so keep it on the hush "

Next respondent was former coworker, Ulrica with…
"Lol!@ Tim that's funny but it shouldn't matter if you love them as long as the ddf you should be the last one they need as far as a relationship.. Your a good dude if your pertaining to you so it shouldn't matter.."

After her was Joe, with...
"Hmmm....well I've had 25 girlfriends, with my current wife being the 25th, and it never bothered her. As fas as sexual partners, I dunno, I usually get kinda nervous when it in the double digits. For the record out of the afore mentioned 25, I only nailed 3 or 4, so im not a hypocrite hahahahahaa and yes I know nailed isn't the most eloquent term, but its my favorite.

Anyways, I think its going to ultimately vary from person to person. "

Then came Hollyweird's own, Eric Castro, with...
"a handful for a women, and theres no limits on men, lmao!!"

Jamal's answer --while not even pretending to be serious (fucker) -- was to the point, with...
"7 evil exes"

Next was John, with...
"1 more than I have had."

Next was Simon with...
"Don't ask don't tell. The truth is no matter the number it will always seem high. "

Then came former coworker, Kianna, with...
"i agree with simon...the past is the past."

Next was Ace, with...
"Well. my wife has been with one other guy. ive have been with over 20 (cocaine is a hell.of a drug). but i have the issues over her lack of experience. ive had women to practice on so some things im an expert at. but less experienced people tend to be emotional and selfish. hindsight is 20/10"

Then my Mexican Cousin Steve, with...
"Simon has the best answer...only time u tell is when u gots the dirties happen down in the attic...just sayin"

As for me?

I am not about “quantity,” so much as I am about “quality” or ESPECIALLY “context.”
I am not worried so much about how many people someone may have been with ahead of me, I would be a fool to assume that anyone who has smutted with me was a virgin prior to me and frankly I didn’t care. Hell, in fact, my preference is just that. So long as one has been responsible enough to have a clean bill of health, has been (mostly) morally responsible and it is not the direct cause of a case of “hot dogs down a hallway” then everything should be fine.

That solves the “quantity” thing, but now on to “quality”…
Say, for instance, you happen upon someone who has a history of bedding losers, and doing so in the face of common sense. Would this make you feel as if you’re the end of their streak of bad luck, or that you’re the next notch in that belt? Not that this should be a “turn and fucking run” red-flag moment, but it is DEFINITELY one to look into deeply before getting too involved, if only for the avoidance of serial daters – who are with someone new (or an old flame revisited) every 2-3 months, if not weeks.

Back to context, though… What does that mean?
Thanks for asking!

Say you’re involved with someone at current who has a past that you probably do not know about, but probably should when considering degrees of separation.
Say your current interest used to "date" someone else you know pretty well. While that in particular may not be much of an issue, there are a great many variables worth considering…

  • What kind of situation they were in?
  • Were they in a committed relationship, or was this a jumpoff agreement?
  • If not in a relationship with one another, was either in a relationship with anyone else?
  • If either WAS in a relationship with anyone else, did the other side know?
  • If they DID know, did they share that they knew, or just trudge forward in spite of it?
  • Might anyone ELSE know of the situation(s)?

    … and most importantly...
  • How much do YOU know about your current situation and their past of “Smashin’ da Homies”?

[Phlip note – I WISH I could make this shit up, every point is based on a true story somewhere, and not JUST on daytime court shows]

Again, not that this past should become an absolute deal breaker, contingent on yours or the other party’s current intentions – past be damned – but some of these factors are DEFINITELY need-to-know items. Like I said, context.
Using the above-described potential Maury episode, it is worth considering whether one would WANT to be in a relationship with a such a past behind them, no? When I buy a car, it is only fair that I know that one of the previous owners smoked in the motherfucker, whether or not the dealer had the burn holes in the seat.

The issue is not that they have had a few partners, seeing as how EVERYONE is getting their fuck on in 2010, so much as it should be questions as to the nature of those partners.
Robert Sylvester Kelly taught us that there is nothing wrong with a little Bump N Grind, but he stopped short of the VERY important caveat that being a remorseless Slore about it is, in general, a largely inexcusable transgression.

[Phlip note – unless you’ happen to be into slores and such, which I am not]

The answer, all being said is that the number really doesn't matter, so long as the outcome is still positive. Seriously, in my mind the prior number can be damned so long as I have made the conscious decision to be the last, just as long as I am not that dude in the above-described situation.

Monday, August 16, 2010

In the kitchen with Phlip -- FRITTERS!!!

I just noticed on the way to work this morning that I have not cooked and posted for quite a while now.
Over the otherwise busy weekend, I picked up a couple pounds of shrimp and thought about the crab cakes I'd had at Ruby Tuesday a while back, and devised that there was no way in hell that making a similar seafood fritter of my own would be terribly difficult.
I don't know what to call what I have planned out here, since I am not frying it, I can't exactly call it a "fritter," and witty names have escaped me of late.

First thing's first...
The reason why I hadn't been posting my cooking as much as normal; I been busy as FUCK this summer, what with a constant rainy presence mandating that I cut my yard at least once weekly, getting engaged and generally having a good time with my woman outside of the house among other things. I still cook about 3 times a week -- yielding enough leftovers to make up for the remainder -- but it is generally usually something quick and simple not worth posting or something I have already done and posted.
But before I start assembling good food, I needed to clean up my fucking kitchen. This is simple in my house, I just load the dishwasher with items that would be needed to complete the meal, then left the house for a while to grab the rest of the supplies and kill 2 hours, since Katie is in class and I don't like to eat without her unless I just can't wait.

[Phlip note -- my lunch is at 11:30am, sometimes waiting just isn't an option]

Now, where were we? Ahh, good old supplies.
Using some of this recipe and some of this one, both found on the internets, I decided that I would substitute shrimp for the crab meat because, as stated above, a pound of shrimp was $5 while one pound of IMITATION crab meat was $11 even at Wal Mart (!!!). Right, I will go with what makes sense.
So, let us build a toolkit for this...

[Phlip note -- this kit is HIGHLY modified from the above links, so much that I probably shouldn't have even posted them in the first place.]
  • 2 tablespoons olive vegetable oil (to sautee onions)
  • 3/8 cup olive vegetable oil (to go IN the mix)
  • chopped onions
  • 1 (16 ounce) can canned crab meat, drained pound 41-60 shimp, cleaned/tailed
[Phlip note -- put a pin in this, it is coming up later]
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tablespoon mayonnaise
  • 8 ounces buttery round crackers, crushed
  • various seasonings (those who have seen me cook know how I get down)
  • 1/4 cup dry bread crumbs
  • 1/4 cup Jiffy (or Bisquick, whichever is on sale) baking mix, with requisite milk (or half and half in my family) to mix.

Anyways... Start by thawing the shrimp, remove the tails, cleaning once more and setting them aside:

Put those crackers in a bag and pulverize them nicely:

Next, sautee the onions until tender, seasoning to taste:

Then, mix the baking mix/milk and ONE of the eggs until smooth, then combine shrimp/crab, sauteed onions, egg, mayonnaise, crushed crackers, bread crumbs and seasonings:

[Phlip note -- if you're the type who would like for yours to have more meat, then this is the time to add it, to your preference... I happened upon some canned crab meat for a decent price and got a 6oz can to dope things up a bit]

Stir the mixtures together until consistent
. Spray a muffin pan with baking spray, and spoon amounts of your choosing each into a spot in the muffin pan:

The recipe I found said to bake for 15 minutes, then turn and bake for another 10-15, but I am playing this one on sight.

The yield was supposed to be 12 cakes, but I came up with 15, see:

Being that I did myself the favor of preparing and cooking up the cakes, I am going the steamed route for side items...
Steam-in-bag broccoli and another for rice, both courtesy of BirdsEye, will make this meal complete. Well, almost complete, as beverage is needed. See:

Well, using two differing recipes for this, adding to and subtracting from, to my own tastes/available ingredients, I would say that these came out pretty good...

I will let The Katie tell you how it is when she comes in to eat, then we can decide whether or not this (or a variation) has made the rotation.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

"Chivalry vs. Recession"... a conversation

At some point during my upbringing with a mostly-absent pops, I was left to hearsay or observation of what could be construed as overly slightly matriarchal (read: woman-centric) standards of how dating works… A blog for another time would include how such an accepted approach to dating is what killed parity in relationships, and with it chivalry. Luckily, my two readers, this blog is not about that.
One of the things, though, that I specifically recall reading, seeing or hearing time and time again before I ever went on my first date was that it was tacky and/or cheap for a dude to use a coupon on a date with a chick, especially the first date. Being that I am 31 years of age now, we can know that bit of information was received in the early to mid 90’s. Applying to the here and now, with major changes in how things are carried in general, what with the change in employment circumstances as it relates to men and women and not to forget the recession that Obama currently has us embroiled in. So I cracked open my pretty new phone and asked the question of my peoples on The Book of Face…

“Question of the day: Is it still wrong to use a coupon on a date? When does it become acceptable?”

I figured this would be a topic that would surely get the attention of the ones with higher estrogen counts. At least I hoped it would…

First response was from the homie Brent, with…
"she better respect your thriftiness...if she don't know there's a recession going on she needs to get curbed!!!"

Next respondent was former coworker Ulrica with…
"It shouldn't matter your saving money . If the other person have a problem make them pay for the meal.. Lol ! I'm just saying that extra could be used for something else.."

Next up was the homie Galen, with…
"As dry as the streets been for jobs, if you don't use coupons you a fool. People trying to save money wherever they can. If she can't respect that, tell her to kick rocks & enjoy yoself!!"

… which got the attention of Brent, who returned with…
"N if she leaves, that makes that coupon all the more valuable (unless it was a buy 1 get 1 free type deal, then u just gotta call a new face), balling on a budget bebe!!!"

… to which Galen returned…
"@Brent damn that!! Take that second one home & eat it for later!!"

And Brent and Galen were on the same page the whole time, it seems, as Brent returned with…
"@Galen you right, you ain't spoke no lie"

Next respondent was my Mexican cousin homie Steve, with…
"Galen has a point..."

Then former coworker/friend of family Derek came in with…
"It is never wrong to use a coupon. Ever!"

Next was an in-person answer from someone who never wants to become a part of the comment threads, La'Donicca, with...
"I'm the coupon queen but I never use restaurant coupons- afraid I might appear tacky. shrug I don't think it's wrong but I aint into it. But then, I only support myself."

Next respondent was best friend, Roger, with...
"The answer is no, it is not wrong to use a coupon on a date mr. Evans. If the male/female has a problem with that, consider it a warning sign that they a) like to front like they 'got it' at all costs and b) will be careless with your H.R. paperstacks when it REALLY counts if they are trippin on u wanting to flip a $35 bill into a BOGOF, $10 off, etc. "

Then came former coworker, Kianna, with...
"i say there's never a wrong time...if he or she turns their nose up, perhaps that date should be the last one"

... to which Derek responded...
"Last, one. Leave her ass at the restaurant with the bill."

Next comment was from former coworker Kendra with...
"Ok, I'm gonna have to add a little different perspective. If ya'll haven't been dating long and you can't afford a date without a coupon find something else to do. DON'T use a coupon on the first, second, or third date. There are plenty of ways of being thrifty without having to use a coupon on a date. You can cook for your date, go on a picnic, do any type of recreational activites (swimming, skating, matinee movie) that is a lot cheaper then alot of other options. Being on a budget should make one want to be more creative when it comes to planning dates, which in turn lets your date know that you put a lot of thought into impressing them without spending alot of money or having to pull out a coupon. There's nothing wrong at all with coupons after you've been dating for awhile. Also, a girl won't necessarily not date you anymore just because you pulled out a coupon on a first date because she's after your "stacks". There may be other factors involved."

... to which Roger retorted...
"@kendra, interesting point. I thought about that pov before i posted, but i couldnt get around that being in the realm of fronting for the other party, even if for a 'good' reason"

Kendra returned with...
"@ James, it's not fronting at all. It's just finding another way of showing a person of who you are. And you're also showing your self that you can be a more dynamic person if you put your mind to it. Honestly, I will pull a coupon out if I'm with my bf and I won't mind if he pulls one out, but we've been together for awhile. But before all of the whipping out of coupons and everything we did get to experience each other on a different level by going on more creative and affordable dates. I understand times are hard but to be able to put that little extra effort and attention into our dates I think it gave us a better idea of who we are on a more intimate level. I'm just speaking from experience. I can't speak for anybody else."

... to which Roger retorted...
"@kendra, i understood/understand where u are coming from. For me,coupon doesnt = cant afford the date/broke. Its just a coupon. I just kinda find it sad a person would feel a way about another over such a thing."

And I think Kendra sees the point, as she came back around with...
"@ James, it is sad that a person would assume that someone doesn't have money because they use a coupon. That would be the wrong person to be with and if that's the ONLY reason they don't want to be with that person then they can kick rocks. However, if somebody has to question whether it's acceptable for them to use a coupon before they go on a date then there are other means of entertainment they can find. If they thought it was completely ok to use the coupon on a date (and I'm only referring to dates at the beginning of the relationship) then they wouldn't question it in the first place. But I do agree with you, it is wrong for people to be so shallow..."

As for me?

I am sitting here right now thinking about what a damned fool dude from the last QOTD was for NOT having a coupon... Sure, back in the time when chivalry was being drug out back and shot by women, using a coupon on a date would be seen as cheap and tacky. But that was before the economy consumed itself and then shit the bed. Now it is smart business, even if you have plenty of money.

I would love for ANY of the two of you, my dear readers, to ACT like The Katie and I with straight faces don't specifically look for coupons for where we aim to eat damn near every time we go out. Hell, we JUST used a buy one get one coupon that fell out of a magazine she had this past Saturday. Shit is real. I am in the enviable position to where the respondents to this one already share my mindset on this one, so I really need not go into "what" on this one, so much as "why," which I will do shortly.
In my opinion, the restaurants that PLACE the coupons in magazines, catalogs and (get THIS shit) PHONE BOOKS are paying good money to get them placed and delivered to you in whatever means.

[Phlip note - yes, you're doing yourself a disservice if you throw away that phone book before reaping the benefits of the coupons... Those coupons are the only reason they still give out phone books anyway, fool-ass]

Where was I?

Right... It stands to reason that if they're willing to pay to place those ads, why in the hell would you THINK it is "tacky," or even "cheap" to use them? As with all advertising methods, they're placed as a pitch to get your face in the building, at which point you will not only get what you got free, but probably add something from the bar or an appetizer on top of it. They'll get that money back, they WANT you to use the coupons, silly!

And to address how your perspective date might feel about you using a coupon, then you should simply see the comments from above. Anyone you are "dating," that takes issue with you making strides to save a couple bucks on something that is otherwise nonessential, then perhaps you should not be seeking to date this individual.
This question comes not from a "can you afford it" or a "you should be more creative to save some money," as much as it does a common sense one...

To answer the question directly, the question should be asked "what the fuck is REMOTELY tacky about saving money when you're readily offered the chance to?"
Exactly... I can stop right here and right now.

Monday, August 9, 2010

It ain't where you from...

I have come to this odd conclusion that far too often people who move to places other than where they were born and/or raised – “raised” taken to mean the spending of some formative years – express a hard time being where they’ve chosen to ultimately wind up in their lives. As ever with the things I observe, this is not an absolute to be taken as ‘every motherfucker to move away from home’ so much as it is ‘damn near every motherfucker to move away from home and be compelled to talk about it out loud,’ there is a difference… There really is no problem with being proud of or happy for where you originated, but if your conversation is bordering disrespect for where you are situated, or where you’ve been – hell, sometimes even places you will never even fuckin' go – then you have some issues to be conquered before being allowed to play with the adult folks, sorry to break it to you.

Not to promote stereotypes or preconceived notions – no fuck it, that is exactly what I will do – but it seems as if the ones most often caught doing this shit are either from somewhere around the tri-state or from California. Those of the New York/NJ variety usually come down here for school and never manage to leave even if no one particularly wants them here. The problem, though, is that they stay here and complain about EVERYTHING in comparison to home, or “back up top” as they so often call it, without doing the world the favor of packing their shit and going back to their terrible traffic, rude people, prohibitively high cost of living and no jobs. Nothing is ever good enough. Whether it be food, fashion, the way people talk, how there is “never anything to do,” or the general calling of things they feel are beneath them “country” or “bamma.”
The problem, though, is that never does this line of conversation include getting the fuck out and going back to Africa up north. These things NEVER pay service to the fact that more often than not the choice 1) to come here and 2) to remain here are PRECISELY that – choices. If you are so put out in your current situation that you must complain about it incessantly, you should PROBABLY begin the motions that you feel will make it better, up to and including shutting the fuck up about it.
My experience with western time zoners, though, has been completely different… Most with an opinion have never been and will never be in NC or anywhere further east than Vegas. The assumption is always made as “BFE” or as if everything down here is farmland. There is yet no such thing as technology, we have not yet discovered electricity, wireless communications, the internet, modern automobiles, Asia/Europe and are all bible-thumping zealots bent on telling the rest of the country just how hellbound they are. Unfathomable is it that there are ANY states other than California that there can be camping (or whatever people do in the woods), surfing (or whatever people do on beaches) and skiing (or whatever people do on the mountains) within the same state.
[Phlip note – black people don’t ski, surf or camp, for the record]

Maybe it is related to my comfort with where I was raised. I am close to people I know I love, living only a few blocks from my aunts, and one mile from my mother and grandmother who live right by my sister. And you know what? For a mid-sized city third largest in my state, I am close enough to the middle of the city where I can be to damn near anything within 20-30 minutes, even seeing downtown from my front yard when the trees are clear enough in the winter.

(stock photo, no way I'm getting one from the yard in the middle of summer)

Maybe I was raised to treat peoples’ homes as I would have them to treat mine. I mean that to say that if you have me in my house, I will NOT cop a squat and shit on your carpet because I don’t like the color of it.
This goes not to even mention the ones who have family in places other than where they have lived their whole lives, but adopt the mentality of their out-of-town relatives all while spending very little time away from their situation.
That being said, I will SIMILARLY refrain from applying what I think I know – but would never be bothered to investigate or actually learn – from driving my opinion of such things. Such situations cause one to come off with this unearned air of pretense, which is really less than a desirable character trait. Funny is how this used to be one that I ONLY noticed when I was in school or generally out in retail hell the world when people came down here for a reason, generally on a temporary basis, like homecoming or some shit like that. Applying John Gabriel’s Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, though, presents a new idea altogether though. Apply an air of anonymity or a complete barrier of distance to the situation and someone who is likely a douchebag in person is now a completely deplorable human being, generally unworthy of continued oxygen supply, just because it's the internet.

All things seem to lead back to one place… I guess it is almost human nature to take umbrage with SOMETHING, this post in itself is indicative of that. I speak as a dude who has seen quite a bit of not only other states in the country in which I reside, but a good deal of those where others live as well.
[Phlip note – I still need to make it to Europe and Asia… Coming soon post-wedding, hopefully]
The point made is that I did not go anywhere in the Caribbean or Mexico or anywhere else I go bitching about what was so wrong with what their particular set of circumstances has allowed them. Instead, I took in and appreciated the hospitality presented in being allowed in, to take in what they DO have, and to let any dissent I may have had to remain unstated out of common respect. That and there is always the road less taken; the art of shutting the hell up.

Seriously, people… Never is it more apparent that “it ain’t where you from but where you are,” especially when you’ve made semi-permanent residence of your situation.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

You too can be famous, little girl... Talent no longer required

It seems that pr0ns is the new preferred means to getting one’s foot in the door these days… In the last couple of weeks, we have witnessed the black/Russian girl from For the Love of Ray J (don’t judge me) not only make her pr0ns DEBUT in a rather uninspiring scene on BangBros, but she has also come back for more. I was so unimpressed with the first one that I have not bothered with watching the second as of yet.

I should have been worried about the name she allows herself to be called in her new career, but I am less than surprised after she let that ignant-ass Ray J call her “Caviar” because ‘um… don’t they eat caviar in Russia?’ according to him. There again, she let some cornball-ass (by looks and actions, mind you) dude who calls himself “Chicago Larry” pimp her into going onto the show in the first place, and neither was good enough to keep their cover from being blown, so perhaps she isn’t too bright.
Not that she is an unattractive girl in the least, as an as-Googled image shows:

It seems more to me that it is fame and fast money that she craves, but armed only with her exotic good looks, but with a dearth of actual talent with which to pursue it, she is left with but to chase it by any means necessary.
[Phlip note – and not in that Malcolm Little way, either]
So here we find ourselves… A girl who has been caught trying to lie her way to reality show stardom on VH1 (hell, it worked for several to ‘lose’ on these shows before her), a terrible grasp of the English language and nothing but her good looks on her side. What does she do? She leaves LA, goes to Miami and hooks up with the internets’ premier and benchmarked “reality” pornographers.
Right, because EVERYONE wants to see pretty girls they would not be able to obtain take a load of ball goo to the forehead for their dime, not matter how bad the scene may be.
[Phlip note – am using a shared password, I do NOT pay for pr0ns]

The fact that she’s gone back to the well within 2 weeks suggests that the buzz, as well as presented downloads by legally paying customers – as well as savvy consumers such as myself – that the initial rush of page hits/buys from the first scene was lucrative enough. Never mind that it actually happened to be mostly boring as shit. I guess that at the end of the day, pr0ns is a lot like music, it doesn’t even have to be good or necessarily entertaining, so long as the talk about it properly piques the interest of a paying public.
Or perhaps Bangbros have such a name that they now could lay that bad of an egg and be dickish (pun VERY intended) enough about it to tredge forth knowing that people are paying for their shit anyway?

Then, furthering ourselves into the negro news wire this past week has been Larry (I will NEVER call him Laurence) Fishburn’s daughter appearing in a concertedly-released sex tape. “Concertedly,” as employed, means she is doing the shit on purpose for profit and exposure. As opposed to recording a truly amateur session with someone she knows personally and some vindictive fuck leaking it to the internets, like that one time we saw that guy shove a stovepipe up rapper Eve’s vajeen.
How do we know she did the shit on purpose?
Well, she TOLD us! In so many words, following the lead of her now-mentor/idol Kim Kardashian, she will use the sex tape, to be released for profit by the same production house, as her stepping stone to her own level or lane of fame. I guess having a dad who played a prominent role in one of the most genre-changing movie series' of our time, and the influence that would wield, was not influential enough. No, not in a world where Will Smith is writing his son’s walk through Hollywood in an over/underacted (depending on your point of view)-yet-unquestioned manner.
I have not and will not be viewing these scenes any time soon, for worry that Morpheus may come and visit me at my place of employment and make an offer I should not refuse, beginning with the ingesting of a red or blue pill… Not that I am worried about that so much as the fact that I work for a medical facility for whom I could be piss tested at ANY time , and I don’t know what in the hell is even IN those pills.
That and they may do some foul shit to my computer, and I am becoming attached to that thing.

Is anyone seeing the common bond, here? Ray J is the problem here. He was the one who took Kim Kardashian from simply being the OJ Lawyer’s daughter to “that white girl with the black girl ass” which was the difference between being an heiress to a fortune and making one of her own. Not that the desire to make one’s own fortune is bad, but damned if I – in the same position -- am fucking with a lame on the level of a Ray J if I can simply take the family money and use THAT to make my own dough. See, it is fortune I desire and not fame, but this isn’t about me, so I cannot understand the things that cause such behaviors.

I COULD have blamed VH1 for this situation if Kim K had gotten it in with Ray after the show. This with consideration that I have seen no fewer than 4 chicks from those shows in pr0ns SINCE their respective ousters from the shows (3 were from Rock of Love, for the record), including Caviar/Bethany Benz. I have seen countless others naked in various internets publications, including two who went on to get their own shows.
The fact, though, remains that I can’t blame VH1, Viacom is doing what Viacom does, making money letting people humiliate themselves…

The issue, it seems, remains that there is now apparently this culture that has now eschewed, the onus of talent being the confirmation needed to allow one to become famous.
Pay attention at home, young girls…
If you happen to be untalented, or can’t work what strengths you DO have to get to your desired station in life then all you have to do is get buttnekkid for it. Spread ‘em wide, smile for the camera and behave as if someone spraying a fresh batch of tadpoles on your forehead is somehow normal or even perhaps desirable behavior. Do so while maintaining the illusion of genuine enjoyment of the whole thing, even if he misses and hits your hair, besides, it stands to reason that it is good for your hair. Those with honor, dignity and self-esteem need not apply.

Again, the fucked the fuck up part is that neither of the above-described girls is unattractive, and either, given presented influence (Montana Fishburn) and exposure on an inexplicably-highly rated that I somehow watched show (Caviar) DIDN’T NEED to “speak into the microphone,” to employ a crass metaphor.

If this is what shit has come to, I pray to God that The Katie has boys and not girls, lest I will find myself under someone’s jail for drawing and quartering the FIRST motherfucker to lay eyes on my little girl.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

August Fool's Day

Well, here we are, August Fool's Day, and before I strike out into the Sunday world completely surprising people with August Fool's jokes (and perhaps having to kick an ass for 12), I decided that I would share with you two my general schedule for the month.

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