"No Ma'am!!!"... a conversation



Walking in the house last night, Katie had another suggestion for Question of the Day, as I think I am exhausting all of my (appropriate) ideas and she knows it. She presents the ideas, I think about them and adapt them for use as I can think to do so.
I liked the one she gave me, so it comes out now as...

“From Katie comes today’s Question of the Day… What, if anything, would you NOT accept as a gift from your significant other/a member of the opposite sex”

Man, this is gonna be INTERESTING!

First respondent was the homie Joe with an answer that I am SURE will either change everyone else in theirs or scare them off of answering, with…
"Sex toys. Plain and simple. "

[Phlip note – being the owner of this blog, I enjoy that I get to be the last respondent to these, because that was NOT my answer, but damned if it ain’t part of it now… That being said, put a pin this one, it is coming up on the test]

Recently resurfaced from a few years back friend Leander dropped in next, with…
"A BABY!!! child support is killing me. LOL"

Next response came from the homie Brent, with…
"Herpes. Aids. The clap... Etc etc"

[Phlip note – well fuck me sideways, I won’t even have to ANSWER this shit at the end today!]
Next was Roger, with…
"Any type of breath mint or mouth freshening product/device. Bish, u got something to say? Just say it!! Yea, i like chopped onions and garlic in my cereal!! So what!?!?"

After him was my sister Regina with…
"Weight loss materials, gym membership, weight watchers membership etc. etc."

Next was Madelline, with...
"Socks. Underwear - of any type. Household products such as a new blender - unless I've expressed wanting one."

[Phlip note - speak for yourself, I am ALWAYS good for new underclothes and kitchen gadgets!]

Next (and last, as it were) respondent would be Murph, with...
"The box set for Charles in Charge. A stuffed Marlin. 32' of twine. backstage passes for Muppet Babies on ice. A bloody chainsaw. 4 live and 1 dead monkey. a sugar coated poke in the eye. a 1 year subscription to Chicken Love Magazine, the magazine for people that fuck chickens. A box full of left shoes. A box full of right shoes. a power adapter for something I don't own. A full case of Fast actin' Tenactin. A jar full of spit.

I can go on and on..."

Next would be Eunive, with...
"Book ends that are made up of ect. dots … 5 dead monkeys period."

Then Mike, with...
"An STD."


Looks like not many people took this one too seriously, but that happens quite often...

As for me?
Well shit, I guess it more or less comes down to those people I call friends who might answer these things seem to mesh quite well with how I see the world for the most part.
That being said, the answers above speak DIRECTLY to what I might have said, I will chose some and expound.

  1. Sex Toys - in general, this is a no-no, unless y'all are into some freakydeaky things and are shopping for them TOGETHER. Anything less is a suggestion that someone is not doing their part.
  2. VD - These are gifts that you usually can't get rid of and are more headache than they're worth. It goes without saying that someone might be closer to a funeral than a wedding for gifting one or more of these.
  3. Weight loss programs/suggestions - asterisk with this one, you're only wrong to offer these if unsolicited... If an interest is expressed, then give away. In general, though, it is ruder than 5 fucks to offer someone some shit like this short of their asking for it. This is, again, one of those items that suggests that one of the participants in your relationship is not good enough.
Beyond that, these things are pretty much common sense...
I mean, I could go on and on about the general buying of gifts that suggest that you've not paid a lick of fucking attention to what the person is into, but that doesn't happen in my house. I mean, I don't come home to a lifetime subscription to Field and Stream magazine or anything.
One more with me is that I am near IMPOSSIBLE to buy clothes for unless I am present for the shopping. Not for nothing, but it seems more or less that how people have historically seemed to envision I should be dressed is nowhere NEAR what the fuck I would actually wear. There is a reason for this -- and then only person who needs be concerned with it is already aware -- so I shop for own clothes most time.

All that being said, the best way to make me happy is with a gift card to any number of places.
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