"Trickin' ain't easy" -- the Herman Cain story

Have I really allowed the news to get me involved in an election cycle THIS early in the game? With an incumbent, there is only one side of it until next year, and MAN has this side generated a lot of buzz.
Nevermind Rick Perry’s Niggerhead Ranch, Newt Gingrich being a philanderer (and in such, hypocrite) and hothead, Mitt Romney being a flipflopper, Michelle Bachman being Michelle Bachman and Ron Payl being very old; ALL of that pales in comparison to Herman Cain’s apparent trying to use the election to become the next dude to get brained in the oval office.

After Tiger Woods’ situation two years ago, it seems that this will be an every-other-Thanksgiving occurrence, and for the sake of keeping the evening news entertaining, I am cool with this arrangement.
We found ourselves riveted to our screens as one after another (or their lawyers where confidentiality agreements prohibited) came out to discuss their situation with the man who had previously held no public office, but still ran for the Republican nomination for president.

Nothing we were greeted with was particularly as salacious as Clinton’s situations (consensual, by the way) or Kennedy’s before him (likewise and with good reason – it was Marilyn f*ckin Monroe, man!). Public record often trumped the lies Cain tells, apparently practicing for a second career in politics, but man did he keep us listening.
It eventually got to the point where no one heard mention of the “9-9-9” plan, but rebuttals to women he had been or tried to be with.

As it were, considering legal confidentiality and vague tales, we were left with “he-said/she-said” with most of these, with only the frequency and consistency of the stories mounting against Big Daddy Cain serving to legitimize the claims.
Then came Ginger White. 13-year affair is her claim. “we were just friends” was his claim. Married man, giving this woman money, with records of calls and texts from his ACKNOWLEDGED cell phone ready to be shown off. What married (or single) man calls or texts a woman at 4am if it isn’t his wife or an emergency? A good friend’s mother once said “ain’t nothin’ open that time of night but Waffle Houses and legs,” and that is the third time I have been able to use that in my blog.

Most entertaining yet is how I imagined I was hearing his responses and then my own (in italics), of which I am surely not finished…

“man, I don’t know that bish”
“… here’s a picture of you with her”

“I ain’t never settled with NOBODY!”
“… the company you headed paid her a 35k 'agreement' and she had to sign a confidentiality agreement to get it”

“man, these heauxs be LYIN’ son!”
“care to explain these 4am calls and texts to a woman that isn’t your wife?”

“yeah, I send that heaux some money, but we was just friends”
“… Mr Cain, do you hear yourself talking?”

“man, this dude that works for Rick Perry used to work for me, I told him ABOUT some of this stuff, it is coming from PERRY’S camp!”
GOP Leadership: “Mr. Cain, what happens if he gets the nomination and you don’t? please don’t out our snakery like that”
Cain: “LIBERALS DID IT!!!”

A wise man named Antonio Hardy once said that “pimpin’ ain’t easy,” and if the last 3-5 weeks of revelations of the life of one Herman Cain is any indication, apparently Trickin’ ain’t easy either.

In all, this one was played by the book.

  1. Deny, deny, deny

  2. Blame the "victim" (or accuser)

  3. Blame the media

  4. Blame the "liberals"

  5. Total no-sell, ignore it like it didn't happen, or disappear for a little while and hope it all goes away
This late in the game, #5 is not an option, and may be the backbreaker of the whole situation.

Suffice it to say, when this situation buries Herman Cain’s presidential aspirations, it will take his attempts at a political career with it.

“Blame the liberals/Democrats” was actually a bad stance to take on this one. They would LOVE to have a political rookie with ZERO public office experience and even less foreign policy understanding to make their election a total layup. Why make the man talk about policy when he is too busy fighting extracurricular stuff? Hell, the smart move if this were a Democrat move would be to wait until the real elections and not now.
The blame for this one clearly can only be placed within Herman Cain’s own party, specifically with himself (in my opinion, of course).

As with anything of this nature, I am eating this up!
Not only because I like to see someone step into a ring in which they do not belong and get knocked the fux out – which I do – but because this is REAL reality TV, not that scripted shit they sell on VH1 and that channel that the Kardashians apparently own.

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