2012 Election, The Aftermath pt IV



Trump:  “Okay, Governor Christie, are you with us or are you against us?”


Christie:  “I never said I was against you.  I questioned who stands to benefit from being WITH you?”


Trump:  “AMERICA stands to benefit.  It is high time we take back America!”


West:  “Yeah!!! Take back America!”


Christie:  “’Take back America’ from who?”


Mitt:  “From the moochers.  From the people in America who are only here for liberal handouts.  From those people who want to take, take, take but can never be bothered with putting back into the system themselves via working for a paycheck and paying taxed, from the people who--…”


Christie:  “From the people who watched their houses washed away from a hurricane and genuinely NEED FEMA?  And let us not go talking about taxes, buddy!  Right now, I am apparently a hot commodity in the party.  The President came up and spoke with me, he spoke civilly and we got stuff done in the interest of doing right by those who needed it most desperately while YOU tried to play it up to your advantage and your attack dogs were at my throat.  And why the fuck are Akin and West still here?  Don’t they have desks to work on cleaning out?”


West:  “I am not cleaning out a thing until I get a FULL recount!”

An uncomfortable silence gripped the room.  Everyone knew of Christie’s short fuse and habit of making himself out to behave in a manner one might expect of Jersey natives as shown on television.  No one was touching that one.


The meeting continued as a think-tank, full of presentations showing why the GOP needed someone of Christie’s outwardly shown bipartisanship.  The rest of the party had apparently become too hostile to their opposition to ever be taken seriously or trusted in an attempt to even APPEAR to be willing to work with them.  Never mind that NO ONE mentioned ever an attempt at ACTUALLY working with them for the common good, rather just appearing to do so for long enough to gain a toehold on control of influence over the country again.  Having had to actually work with the President and seeing that he was willing to deal if dealing fairly, Christie had had a moment of realization that perhaps the vitriol was not working.  The old adage goes that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.  Everyone with a career in politics would want a legitimate chance to be made president one day and right now was no different.

But it would not be on these terms.  One major part of BEING president is being a good enough president to warrant reelection, and then to leave a mark lasting enough to have your time in the office understood as “positive.”  With a pair of Bushes turning in a single term and then one of the most lambasted administrations in our lifetime respectively, he was NOT trying to go back down their road.  Not when they were bookended by successful (Clinton) and historic (Obama) campaigns/administrations.  No one wants to be the guy in the souped-up Civic that follows the Rolls Phantom in the parade, now do they?


Christie:  “Why does it feel like you guys are setting me up?”


Romney:  “Because you set US up, Chris!  I mean it is one thing to be thankful for help from the President, but you gave the guy a reacharound on TV, right when we were talking about how wasteful FEMA was and had him in our sights for being lax on getting help up there.  Right now, I can afford to let this roll off.  I don’t NEED to be President, I am rich and will be alright without it, but you owe it to the party and the country to make it right.  And don’t you go getting a conscience on us now, fat boy!”

Christie:  “If you gentlemen will excuse me, I am going to leave you to it.  I have more immediately pressing issues to attend to back in New Jersey, I am sure you all understand.”

With that, and disgusted at the waste of his time, Chris Christie got up and left the meeting.  Just as he was leaving, the phone in the middle of the table began to ring from an unidentified number.

Trump:  “Who is this and how did you get this number?”

Michael Steele:  “It’s Michael, and I got this number from having sat in on these meetings before.  I figured you rookies would be in here trying to cobble together a new strategy on how to regain power.  You KNOW that we won when I was in charge, right?”

West:  “and you’re not in charge anymore, I think we have no need for you now.”

Mitt:  “no, let him talk Allen.”

West:  “I think we’ve reached our ‘quota’ here.  No room at the inn, and don’t have ol Spermin’ Cane call either, he makes us look bad!”

Akin:  “Allen!”

And with that, Allen West jumped up and hung up the phone on him before anyone could stop him.

            To describe what happened next as “maelstrom” would be the understatement of the century.  The group left in the meeting never seemed to be fully in line with the issues that had caused their recent defeat, more or less looking for reasons to not be personally scapegoated for it.  The irony of this fact was completely missed on all participants, their concern was more for the fact that someone they detested being in The White House than for the fact that 19 states had citizen-driven petitions to the White House for secession based on the vitriol that THEIR public speech had caused.
            Meanwhile, Chris Christie had already made it to the airport and was actually AT The White House, this time as a visitor to the President and his team to discuss strategy over a dinner.

Christie:  *licking fingers*  “Mr President, I sincerely thank you for having me over.  I know that you MUST be busy right now with the events of this week and all.  Malia, could you please pas me some more of the barbecue sauce?”

Obama:  “No problem, Chris.  I appreciate you putting politics aside at a time where it would not have been politically expedient to do so.  It shows a real leadership quality in someone to be able to do that.  Willingness to work with the “enemy” for the good of everyone was a really big thing to do.”


The President might as well had been speaking to Sasha or Malia… hell, he could have been speaking to Bo the White House dog for all it mattered.  Chris Christie had completely lapsed out of the conversation as it were.  This was the first time he had been in the White House in this particular capacity.  Most of what he could think about was consumed by that specialty formula White House barbecue sauce and the fact that he could have it every day.  Also on his mind was the half-melted pack of keepsake White House M&M’s he had placed into his pocket while on Marine One with President Obama.
In his mind, he was going to do the right thing AND do some things he always wanted to do.  For one, he would do what he needed to do to be in position to partake in those M&Ms and barbecue sauce EVERY day if he wanted to.  All of this would naturally take a backseat to getting things right in his home state and thereby making himself look better when the time came.  This would also serve to the completion of his ultimate goal.  After this planning meeting, he thanked the president and went back to the secluded meeting location the next day.

When he arrived, Romney, Trump, West and Akin were STILL arguing over having hung up on Michael Steele.  No one had apparently slept, left and the appearance was that no one had eaten anything either.
None of them had noticed that he had even walked back into the room.

Christie:  “guys… Guys…  GUYS!!!”

Everyone in the group stopped and looked at him.

Christie:  “I’m willing to do what it takes… I have had the barbecue sauce and you promised me that Springsteen would agree to meet me.  Let’s do this, Chris Christie 2016!”
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