True Story© - At Gunpoint

True story...
I'm walking to my car from Wal Mart and a dude jumps out of a maroon GMC Safari and puts a 12gauge to my head...
"Where the f*ck you think you going, n**ga?!!?"
"c'mon, man, I am just trying to get home to my little girl"
"Daughter? So I guess you got a woman somewhere around too, huh?"
"What?"
"BITCH n***ga, I axed [sic] you a question!"
"Yeah!"
"you love her?"
"of course!"
"call her on the phone right now and say 'I love you bae' right now!"
"dude"
*cocks shotgun* "d-d-did I stutter, motherf*cker?!"
"but 'bae' seriously my dude?"
"you heard me, unless you wanna die out here in front of all of these people!"
... forced with the prospect of my funeral and using the word "bae," I am here to inform you all that my funeral will be on Monday. My mom has been left with instructions to pay off the house and put the remainder away for Ava to go to college. I'll miss you all
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