Posts

Showing posts from December, 2016

True Story©... New Year, New You!

True Story©…
                I am here to help you ACHIEVE that “new you” in the new year.
I know I have said this before, but I was on some New Year bullshit too at the time.  We all go through it sometimes, I ain’t mad at myself.  So here’s how it will go.  Sometime between December 30th (that would be Friday) and January 2 (Monday), you will PayPal me $25 or $50 and provide me with a contact email and phone number.
What you will also include is WHAT about you it is that you need to leave behind in 2016.
With the $25 plan, I simply call you every day and email you every afternoon to remind you that you’re still doing the same ol shit that you've BEEN doing every other year that you tried to reinvent yourself and that every year on 12/31 you’re still miserable for the same reasons you were on 01/01.  The underlying aim of this approach is to anger you into action, even if that action includes coming to my house – or sending someone to my house – to be shot dead in my front yard.

True Story©... Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

True Story©…

                Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

This is one that has been up for debate for many years.  We’re to understand that Santa already had his reindeer fleet set to go, and all of a sudden another one shows up out of nowhere with a bright red nose?  Nah dawg, that ain’t how the story went.  It CAN'T be.  Today, I am here to lay it out for real.

                We readily believe that Santa handles his Christmas duties every year with the same 8 reindeer; Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen…  Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (admit it, you sang that shit, didn't you?).  All of a sudden, after 100 years there is a new reindeer at the North Pole?  HOW LONG WAS THIS DUDE THERE?!!?  And to make the story just a little more juicy, how about the fact that one that no one was allowed to see or hear of him from the beginning of the Santa Claus story in 1839 to the discovery of Cocaine in the late 1850s and then still remaining COMPLETELY hidden until the story they…

True Story©... Outside the Library...

True Story©…
                Sometimes I like to sit and listen to OTHER people’s True Story©.
In my current position, I am downtown Burlington NC.  Before August, my building was right across the street from the public library.  One consistent in the whole of the United States of America is that a public library will draw the infirmed; homelesses, unemployed--…  the needy public in general.  I don’t judge people for their outward appearances any more than a reasonable person would – and trust, ALL people do if they admit or not – but sometimes I would sit outside on my lunch breaks when I was up there or will walk by when I walk around the block now on breaks/lunches and I talk to people about their stories.
                I have gotten a lot of good stories: -A woman who had a couple of kids by a drug dealer who did well by them until getting caught, but literally didn’t know how to hold down a household when he was gone and now was in this position during the days because her gran…

True Story©... Sleepwalking/Live Dreaming

True Story©…
                It’s been said that one way to have control over your dreams is to sleep with the TV on.  Me?  I sleep to ESPN or whatever comes on after the last NFL or NBA game I watched, so for years I have lived these wild fantasies of mystical worlds from Supernatural, I have solved crimes on Bones, a combination of the crime and mystical on Grimm and this is JUST from the nights that TNT carries NBA games!  I am pretty sure that some of the recipes I have dreamt up come from me falling asleep on Chopped on Tuesday nights.
Anyway, you get it…
                Sometimes, I crash at my girlfriend’s place and her television Du Jour while sleeping is the 24 hour informative murder porn channel ID Discovery…
THIS creates a new obstacle, as I am often unaware if I need to wake up and defend myself or wake up and make that phone call to my three most top people to have a hole dug in the middle of nowhere ready for me to drop something off that we shall never EVER discuss ag…

Maybe Hip Hop ISN'T dead... 2016 was actually pretty damned good

Truth told, 2016 was not a bad year for the kind of hip hop that I listen to.
Jan 15 – Lecrae: Church Clothes 3
                You know what?  I tried to sleep or let this dude be what he is outside of my view because he was a Christian rapper, but I gave this one a few objective listens later in the spring in the car and really enjoyed it.
Jan 15 – Torae: Entitled
                I was worried about this album because he launched it off of a Kickstarter campaign…
What that allowed him to do, though, was whatever in the fuck ever he wanted to do.  If that means Praise does several beats, we get introduced to the album artist’s cousin on the album, we have to listen to a spoken liner notes/outro or see Phonte show up with one of the best verses of 2016, then the independence of the album leaves us free to experience all of that.  And we were better for it.
Apr 15 – Royce Da 5’9”: Layers
Almost 8 months have now passed and I am STILL forcing people to take this album in for the first t…

True Story©... Please heed the warnings

True Story©…                 Sometimes I operate opposite of my apparent plan to see the world burn and try to warn people that they’re about to do something SUPER stupid.  Unfortunately, 98.772% of the time, these attempts fall on deaf ears and people wind up failing anyway.
You see it all the time on FaceBook…
“I just won $700 on a scratchoff”
                “I’m pregnant”
                “I’m gay”
                “I think I am in love with someone”
                “I still love my ex”
                “If you’re in High Point and have $15, you can come get this pussy”
                “I’m moving to Mongolia for a new job!”
                “I caught my husband cheating, someone come help me get rid of this body”

…  and this is where I find it in myself to get involved.                 Someone on my timeline posted that last one.  Well, someone on my timeline posted one of EACH of these (except the $15 one, that is an inside joke), but I figured the one that might get someone touched…