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Showing posts from 2017
1,138 Days

Just Spell My Name Right

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I am not famous for a living.
Shit, I am not famous for free.
I guess you could venture as far as to say I am not famous at all.
     There was a time in my younger days where I would legit get angry when people talked about me.  I really didn’t want the attention, mainly because it was usually negative.  Not that there is this aura of negative around me, but I watch people enough to know that when they’re discussing people and not places/things/ideas, then that conversation is very rarely positive. I learned, though, that you can’t stop ‘em from talking.  What you can, however, control is what they have to talk about.  It makes sense to me that if a motherfucker is trying to hang me, the last thing I want to give them is more rope.

1 – Don’t tell ANYONE everything you know.      Some shit ain’t for everybody.  Some shit ain’t for anybody.  If ever, these days I find myself at a juncture where I can’t tell betwixt the two, the world will be largely uninjured by ALL being treated…
1,140 Days
1,139 Days
1,141 Days

True Story©... Suicide is Painless

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How the shit do these people find me?
[Phlip note: I know my email, FB, Twitter, Paypal and website handle are all the same…  it was a rhetorical question]

Minding my own damn business on a seasonably warm November afternoon.  Looking busy working on a project, waiting on SOMETHING to stem the tide of a series of bad newses.
I get an email…


References: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]
I was kind of concerned about how I could carry this one for her.  I had some questions that might help me to my decision…
     Does this house have a garage?
Yes
     Does this guy have a car? Yes      Do you still at least hang out outside the house from time to time?
Yes      Do you drink?
No      Does HE drink?
Yes      Would it be a far stretch for you to go out and he get drunk and you drive his car back home?
No, happens often

I had all I needed to know.  With those details, I arranged for her to meet me in person as I have too much to lose to go putting some shit in a traceable medium.  She had her instructions…
1,142 Days

Hotep Heroes -- The Joseph Walter Jackson Memorial Black Father of the Year Award

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(wait…  Joe Jackson isn’t dead yet?  Well damn, is he like a little bit sick or something?  Oh well, carrying on!)

     I think you see where I am going with this one.  Previous winners would include the likes of Earl Woods and Richard Williams.
While the days of whooping your kids asses in order for you to live off of their success are gone, there still exists a world where you can push them to continue to do something they may or may not actually want to do to the point of extreme success, for which you will yourself be rewarded with a share of.
     F’rinstance, no one exactly knows whether or not a young Eldrick Woods actually wanted to play golf, but his father – an old-school Black man raised through Jim Crow – pushed his son to be good at what was and still kind of is a white man’s game.  It worked to the point where he was the best to do it for a very long time.
     On that same token, no one exactly knows whether Venus and Serena Williams themselves wanted to play tennis.  W…
1,143 Days

Phood Phun with Phlip -- Jambalaya Love

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Sometimes the best things come up in the last seconds of a planning session.
It was Sunday, we had a post to make for Tuesday and we hadn’t even been to the damn grocery store yet.  This may or may not be because someone was couponing instead.  While in Sam’s getting our haul for the two weeks, the couponer in chief Mimi suggested a jambalaya, a comfort food we’ve all come to know and love just in time for the cooling weather outside.

     Cool, something we all like, something DEAD simple to make.  Basically mixing everything in the pot and letting the flavors marry nicely.
Wait…  I don’t eat pork.  She CAN’T eat shrimp.  We aren’t eating rice.  How in the blue hell are we going to pull this off?  Quite easily, actually.  Let’s get into it.
1 cup each green onion, green bell pepper
1 can, rotel
2 cups diced onions
Meat from a rotisserie chicken, or about a pound of shredded chicken of your choosing
1/2lb turkey smoked sausage (but you can use beef or pork, even andouille if you cho…
1,144 Days

Writing about Writing Vol. 7

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Short post today y’all…
“Fearlessness”
     Not everything is for everybody.  Don’t let fear of catching a brick keep you from trying.  Some days, you will do something and present it to the world and at the end of the day, the only hits you’ll register are the ones that came when you visited the post to share it…  In your head you will hear the cartoon “whomp whomp whomp…”
Fuck that, you stand learn more from having it happen than you EVER will from pussing out to avoid it.
     Don’t be afraid to be the only one laughing.  Of course, when you find yourself in that position you should be working on what got you there to stop it.  Do. NOT. Shy. from being taken there from time to time.
Don’t get comfortable BEING in that spot, by no means am I suggesting that being unfunny is a desirable place to reside.

     Back to the leading thought.  You canNOT please everyone.  More importantly, you shouldn’t try to.  Do what works for you and let the chips fall where they may.  Do, however, take th…

Christmas Spirit

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Christmas is still three weeks out, yet… From about the time in my life that I would fully credit with making me what I am now, we had some adult-ass Christmases.  I say that to say that we had a couple of things under the tree – if there was a tree at home – and a ton of practical things.
Socks, drawz, clothes and shoes fit to be worn to school were staples.
     At 12, this was kind of hurtful, but at 38 I would LOVE someone to provide me with some of these things.
[Phlip note: no shit, email me for size/address information]
There was no secrets at the time as to why things were the way they were, and since we liked to live and eat, indoors at that, we had no good reason to complain.  We appreciated what we had.
     On into actual adulthood, I was kind of conditioned not to give a whole lot of a fuck about the general mechanics of Christmas given our history with it.  A gift or two to the people around me, special focus on helping the kids to not feel what I felt.  2011 came, I…
1,145 Days
1,146 Days
1,147 Days
1,148 Days

True Story©... The Internship

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Man, we still talking about THIS shit? I guess as long as it stays current events, the shit just ain’t going away, huh.
     Y’all remember when I got fired last month for staring at, and then mentioning titties and no one came to assist me with the PayPal donations? [link] What about now?
     Anyway…
After that ordeal, no one offered me any money to help with my situation and I am still wrangling with Wells Fargo over conditions with which to keep my house and creating tricks to save and make money back during my shopping haul over the Christmas season. [Phlip note: this would be made easier if more people would share my posts and click on ads, y’know]

     One contact I did receive was from a small production company looking to publish and make some online shorts in hopes of one day getting a show on a big network somewhere somehow.  They had a small staff and SOME grant money, but after reading my writing they offered to bring me in to work with them with the promise that whe…
1,149 Days

Hotep Heroes - Prince Henry of Wales

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Prince Harry might low-key be the absolute most wokest person in the whole-ass world… Stay with me here.
While his father shook up the game by challenging norms in marrying in the first place – and subsequently divorcing – his mother, it can be said that Charles set the blueprint for the bucking of norms that Harry has now taken to another level.
Not only is he NOT slated to marry a woman of royal British lineage, he is marrying one who is not even British. On top of that, he is marrying a woman born in America. He is marrying a divorced woman born in America.
And now for the coup de grâce…
She is a Black woman.
You read that right, the man who is 5th in line to the throne is planning to take himself a woman from a middle class, albeit well-to-do family in America and turn her into a prominent Black princess. Bearing his place in the pecking order of his family, she is five heartbeats (not to be confused with Duck Matthews and them) from being a prominent Black Queen.
Yes, we are very sur…
1,150 Days

Phood Phun with Phlip... When We Rice (and Chicken)

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Guess who got to play with the stove without adult supervision this week?
     This week, taking a break from taking a break on the diet thing for the holidays, we wanted chicken fried rice.  We wanted chicken fried rice, but not with actual rice because, you know, low-carb living…
Enter (again): riced cauliflower.  Make it yourself by grating a cauliflower or buy a bag frozen at Aldi for $1.69.
     Honestly, this dish will include only three main ingredients:

1 12oz bag riced cauliflower 1-1.5lb boneless/skinless chicken 1cup green onion
The cooking part is really simple too.  Start with the chicken, sautéing in the pan, add some ground ginger and salt/pepper to season, all to taste.



Once the chicken is done, set it aside and the cauliflower can go into the pan.

Cook until the liquid is mostly cooked out and add the onlions.

Cook until THOSE are wilted and add soy sauce to desired color/taste.

Add the chicken (or whatever meat YOU chose to the pan) and cook until the liquid is all …
1,151 Days

Loyalty

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I’m as stingy with loyalty as I am with respect. I don’t often avail myself to people, so the ones I have shared any information they felt should not be shared had better be treated as if they should die with it.
As bad as my memory happens to be in the short term, it is dangerous when the topic is things that I feel are important.
     My continued circle consists of people I have been given reason to be loyal and respectful to.
Sure, I am prone to fits of personal stupidity, but I am at least dumb enough to not be interested in majorly fucking up my plays in a manner I might find egregious.
     I have a team…
A twin brother, a best friend, several really good friends and some cats that I have never actually met in person.  The amount of “me” that I have given these people is a testament to who I perceive them to be.  This is usually a result of what they have done with or for me with no reason to otherwise.  This is usually a result of shared common interests on a great many …
1,152 Days
1,153 Days
1,154 Days

Donny Got Barz... Who's Balls are the Biggest

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And then the news just keeps getting more and more surreal…
Media Darling Attention-whore LaVar Ball accompanied his youngest son to China week before last for an overseas game in China that coincided with the opening of a couple of popup shops for his disastrously ugly sneakers.  Teenagers being teenagers, one being from a well-to-do family who could have ostensibly paid for the shit, decided that stealing some sunglasses from a Louis store was the cool thing to do.  An international crisis ensues and 45 decided to insert himself as the liberator-in-chief.
     Except, no one has any real PROOF that this happened other than his own claims on Twitter, and no reasonable adult actually believes much of what this man claims.

     LaVar got options and a media fully lapping up HIS bullshit.  The thing with his, though, is that he is brutally honest.  Well as honest as one with something to sell can be taken as.
The back and forth wound up with us seeing 45 on his back channel twitter…
1,155 Days

True Story©... Horrible Advice, continued

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I am beginning to think that True Story© is beginning to ruin my fucking life…

Chilling at work on Monday, minding my own business, I gets an email:
Fuck My Existence

Well I guess it stands to reason that I have BAKED this damn cake, so it is totally on me to frost the sumbitch.
We shot some back-and-forth around and he was clear that he was not willing to approach ANY of the holidays with this woman, that he had taken Wednesday off and that would be when he wanted to complete this whole thing.
     Well shit on me, I guess I got no time for setup. After work Tuesday, I sat down at the computer and planned and plotted and daydreamed just how I could bail this man out of a VERY shitty situation.
At least the kid was not hers and would not have a lot invested in them breaking up.  I mean, it only makes sense that a kid – especially a boy child – is not going to be there for someone disrespecting his father when that father is actually present, no?
     Before going to bed on Tuesday ni…
1,156 Days

Hotepsgiving...

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Sometimes it just isn’t worth it to continually shit in someone’s cornflakes.
Rather than take the wind out of the sails that is the conquerors’ favorite holidays, we will take just a few minutes of your time to say what WE are thankful for.
-We’re thankful that white people have not managed to fuck up Chadwick Boseman. -We’re thankful for President Barack Obama…
… no, stay with us here.  The saying is that a presidency isn’t a presidency until the elected individual has ONE legislative victory.  And in playing by those rules, the last previous president who DID have any remains president.  -We’re thankful for our wives…
and our other wives
…  and our OTHER wives -We’re thankful for Robert Sylvester Kelly -We’re thankful for then enlightenment that will allow Hollyweird to burn to the fuckingground.
-We’re thankful for Colin Kaepernick…
… we’re still cautiously wary of his lightskinndedness, though

See?  How hard was that?  In a world that hates the ankh-right, there’s a multitude o…
1,157 Days

Phood Phun with Phlip... All Pies on Me

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Get it?
See, because it is a pot pie!  And 2Pac had that song that and album that--…  Never mind.
This was INITIALLY supposed to be a dessert post, but the logistics of a dessert escaped us because someone has started back couponing and the other is preparing for Mattel to release the new Hot Wheels lines this week.  Crap, I am off topic again.
Anyway.
Mimi came up with this one TOTALLY on the fly without my input.  It isn’t terribly difficult to make either.
Start with 2tbsp butter, 1 cup each of onions and carrots, 1/2 tbsp each salt/pepper, 1tbsp thyme and 1tbsp minced garlic:
(note: carrots are NOT considered low-carb, but for as little as this really is, you'll be fine)
Sauté the veggies and then add cooked chicken.  Out of convenience, we went with a rotisserie chicken, as we were both out of the house and Mimi was working at the last minute:

     Heat the chicken through and stir in 1 cup of chicken broth and ½ cup of heavy cream:
Heat until the sauce starts to thicken.  T…