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Showing posts from January, 2017
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True Story© A Weekend In Guantanamo

True Story©  
                The date was March 20, 2003…
If you’re keeping proper score, you know I this date as the first day of of the fraudulent war in Iraq.  If you know me, you also know I was in school for aviation maintenance at the time as well.  The whole of the 18 months between 9/11 and this date, we had been watching the news in class breaks, as the “airplanes” side of this situation led to a special bit of attention from us.  Also of note is the fact that the aviation campus was on the northwest end of the air strip, so we were often greeted with additional security, especially during the TWO times president Bush came to Greensboro while I was there.
                Anyway…  Me being the asshole I am, decided that I would make a spectacle of the day that began the war with the help of Outkast and their song Bombs Over Baghdad.  From the minute the first strikes took place clear on through the rest of the day – class breaks, lunch, home to walk the dog, on the way to wo…
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True Story©... I am going to open a luxury vape lounge!

True Story©…  A Luxury Vaping Lounge
                One of these days I will come up with one of these schemes and make enough money to not have to work with people who actually hate my guts and talk behind my back. There are a great many things I happen to dislike intensely, one of them is the smell of smoke and the fervor for the acquisition of such in those who consume it.  It is not enough that smoke is one of my worst asthma triggers as it is, but the smell of stale smoke in the car or house of someone who smokes often in closed areas.
Never mind that, there is a worse version of smoker, even with the smell abated a bit.
"Vapers”
I call them “vape douches” or “vape bros.”
                One of my theories is that the LAST thing I want to have to do to someone is to EVER have to pay them, even worse to pay them on my own volition.  Something about having to contribute to something I DETEST irks me to my very soul, not terribly dissimilar to my tax dollars having to contrib…

Special Coverage... True Story©: The Process

True Story©, The process…
                I have been asked – well, once – just where in the hell I come up with my story-a-week presentation.

It is REALLY quite funny, actually. Well first thing's first, it was never actually supposed to become a "thing," so much as me being silly in a FB post back in September, which grew to "Phlip, you should do this every week!" which grew to "Phlip you need a blog," which became "wait, I have a blog!"  and voila, I was out of retirement. Now that we have established how this became a thing, back to business... I generally go about my every day just looking at the world as only I can see it and wait for SOMETHING that happens that I can wrap a story around.  Then it becomes a multi-part process.
1 – Wait for something interesting, funny, bombastic or otherwise outstanding to happen.  It doesn’t even have to happen to ME, it just has to happen for me to see or hear.  This is where being a people watcher …

True Story© Love at First Sight

True Story©…

                Do y’all believe in love at first sight?
I used to.
Like with about any situation one finds themselves soured on, my story begins with me in an unhealthy set of circumstances that didn’t end pretty and birthed a lack of trust in the process that would happen to endure through to the remainder of my adulthood.
I might be so inclined to be angry at what happened, but I am largely to blame for it and I learned a lesson from it, so there is not a lot for me to be angered about…  I’m alive to tell the story, so at least there’s that. Enough of the setup, let’s talk about what happened…
Back when I first got home from Vietnam, before I found myself in Guantanamo later in life, I happened to see this young lady waiting for the GTA one day on my way to work.
Wait, I have something else to explain…  The way my situation at the time was, I had a license but not a car yet so I caught the bus to work and either got a ride or a car dropped off to me to get home from work…

True Story©... Sometimes the World Must Suffer

True Story©…
Sometimes it is solely my decision that the world needs to suffer.
                I’m sure a great many of the two of you are inclined to want to ask “how, Phillip?” and I am here to tell you just how in somewhere between 4 and 700 words. As my woman continues to try to starve me to health I get a full slate of things like green vegetables, various forms of yogurt and very little in the way of junk food these days.  With that said, I am regular as they come and quite often gassy.  I try to be mindful of small spaces that I will have to stay in without ventilation, but anywhere else is up to the limits of my imagination and mood as it relates to public safety.
                One time in Wal Mart with Mimi, I went to the bathroom to pee and there were these four kids waiting on their mother at Online Pickup.  Anyone who walked by them, they made a fart noise and giggled.  Well, when I came back out of the bathroom, I had saved a silent-but-deadly to slowly leave with the…