Counting off


     If we’re going to keep it 100

I feel like I need to come up with 99 ways in 98 days
Seems I’m forced to 97 reasons to deal with 96 cretins

95 destructive elements come in to uproot…
… my 94 productive attempted inputs

I came in with the goal of 93 rhymes
Shit, I might scrap the whole thing 92 times

Welcome to the great state of NC, 91° in the shade!
Well, 90% humidity…  We do not have it made!

89 is the percentage of the chance you’re taking mine
Seems like good odds, but believe I ate 80 of the last ones who tried
[Phlip note: see what I did there?]

87, they say, is an unlucky number
So I’ll just 86 it, man what a bummer

Hey, I remember ’85, Kareem and Magic took it home!
84 – I am beginning to regret even starting this poem



“High of 83°,” is this even August?
82 year-old senators deny climate change is what to call this

Nine added nine times is 81, that’s simple math mathematics
Jerry Rice wore #80, y’all knew I would add this

Since 79, I’ve made a mockery of these proceedings
Including the 78 cards in your tarot readings

Look, 77!  I lost my spot in this rhyme
Philadelphia 76ers are good for a bad time

I just learned 75 is the age limit for Canadian senators
Hell it seems in the States that 74’s where the enter

Herbie Hancock once played a Fender Stage 73 Piano
72 was the year that the government screwed Rambo

I wasn’t there, but 71 was the year we lost Jim Morrison
Holy shit, US 70 goes from Utah to Maryland?


I get to 69, and you already KNOW what I’m thinking
68 and I owe you one,” and I swear I’m not drinking



67…  the number of counties each in Pennsylvania, Alabama and Florida
Route 66 happens to pass through exactly none of 'em

65 Pontiac GTO, that car is my dream
On a chessboard, 64 squares in pursuit of the king

MJ scored 63 in the playoff double overtime game with the Celtics
Once Kobe dropped 62 in three quarters, the Mavericks felt it

Northrop P-61, the plane they called “The Black Widow”
Gone in 60 seconds is what you’d be when caught in the middle

59 sides on an icosahedron
58 is quite old to act like a heathen

Y’all remember the movie Passenger 57 with Wesley Snipes?
Feel like it took him 56 months to get his taxes right

55 is the year that my mother was born
Africa’s 54 countries call the continent home

The atomic number of iodine is 53
52 pickup is a cruel joke.  Get these hands, come see

Fifty-One” was the 50th episode of Breaking Bad
As a 49ers fan, I spend a lot of time being mad

48 hours is all you get in your weekend
After work drives you to take up your Kalashnikov and off of the deep end
[Phlip note: heh, I am good at this]

Oklahoma was the 46th state to join the United States
45 is a presidential purveyor of hate

44 was wonderful, can we get that guy back in?
43 is more bearable without puppeteers and spin

42 is the number of the great Jackie Robinson
A war he was drafted into started in 41

Way back when, we drank 40s on corners with friends
The Honeymooners had 39 episodes in its only season


The 38th parallel divides Korea, North from South
37 people witnessed Kitty Genovese and didn’t open their mouth

Enter the Wu Tang was an album that changed my life back in school
Monopoly was first sold in '35, that game is cruel

Miracle on 34th street, is Santa really real?
I bet that store sold gramophones with the 33rpm wheel

32 is how many teams are in the NFL
31 was a movie basically about clowns from hell

February 30th is the day I offer as a “when”
And about 29 days is when a lunar month ends

There is about  grams in an ounce
27 bones in the hands they’ll cuff when indictments are announced

26 each red and black in a standard card set
25 is an Adele album that my daughter won’t forget

24, the “Jack Bauer Power Hour”
23 pairs, they say that’s what gives us the power

I wasn’t ready for this undertaking, I’m in a catch 22
The 21st Amendment applies to what I like to do

20/20 vision is a long lost pipe dream
Getting old, it’s not even as good as when I was 19

They say 18 is “grown,” we were so pressed to see it
Well we grew up fast, 17 would be it

All the while they told us 16 would be sweetest
Shit, I’d stay forever 15 if I knew it would be this

14 is the number of days in your fortnight
Friday the 13th is bunk, if I’m forthright

The 12 Days of Christmas takes forever to sing
I was 11 years old before I knew the whole thing

We count down from 10 when we’re in the home stretch
9 circles of hell is what I feel I might catch

8 is for infinity, or that’s what they say
Opposite sides of dice always total 7 if you play

The cells in a beehive are always 6-sided
5 people, one bathroom, that house is divided

We’re on Final Four, like the semifinals
Like one man with 3 horses, this was hard to bridle

Speaking of twos, y’all know I’m a twin?
Hey, there’s #1, let’s let this thing end
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