Hotep Pussy... Revisited



     Y’all remember before I met Mimi and had it stuck in my head to get at a Hotep chick and she wound up slowly ruining my life?
Sure you do.
Lemme remind you.
Caught up now?  Let me continue…

So I am chilling at work a couple of weeks ago.  I gets a text message from a number I had apparently not saved or had since deleted.  If you read the link above before continuing here, then you know I deleted it instead of simply not saving.

Texter: “Peace Yakub
Me: “Huh?  Who dis?”
Texter: “So you just gon act like you don’t remember me?”
Me: “Well, I got a new phone/carrier in October.”
Texter: “Oh, okay…  It’s [redacted].”
Me: “OHHH!!!  But, um…  Yakub?”
Texter: “Oh, I forgot, you was faking shit.  Normal coon-types say ‘hey bighead.’”
Me: “Watch that coon shit, I can block you just as easily.  You were the one who had me in crocheted pants and shit.”
Texter: “Chill.  I was just checking in on you.  Hadn’t heard from you in a while.  What you been up to?”
Me: “You ain’t miss me, you miss what this mouth do.”
Texter: “Likewise…  Stop it.”
Me: “Nope.  I’m chillin.  Working and raising a little girl.  Got a lady now.  You?”
Texter: “Oh…  A lady?  Just one?”
Me: “Do I need more?”
Texter: “Of COURSE you do!  By the way I was taught, you need three.  She tryna share?”
Me: “Never asked?”
Texter: “See, I knew you was a fuckin coon.”
Me: “Last warning.”
Texter: “Sorry…  But I had you ready to be on some king shit.  Ready to be something special.  Me, plus you and her and her.”
Me: “Her and her who?”
Texter: “Oh NOW you wanna ask?”
Me: “Look, I was just trying to get some pussy.  The nag champa and good food were secondary.”
Texter: “I was just trying to make a king.  The ‘toes throwing gang signs’ was a bonus.”
Me: “Uhh…  Toes throwing--…”
Texter: “And you took that from me.”
Me: “You RUINED MY LIFE!”
Texter: “Did I?”
Me: “I had to go to therapy and shit?”
Texter: “Coon shit.”

[Note: I missed this one in the heat of the moment.]

Me: “Seriously.  I have no reason to continue this.  What do you want from me?”
Texter: “I told you, just to say 'hello'.”
Me: “Do you know how long it took me to get the smell of your incense out of my house?”
Texter: “I have never BEEN in your house!”
Me: “Do you know how long it took me to get the smell of the incense you influenced me to buy out of my house?”
Texter: “How is that my fault?”
Me: “Do you know what the resale value of size 40 crocheted pants are on letgo is?”
Texter: “What the hell is letgo?”
Me: “Never mind.  But do you know someone who need some size 40 crocheted pants?”
Texter: “Can't say I do.”
Me: “You mean to tell me you stopped your soul collecting with me?”
Texter: “Well.  I can't say that is an inaccurate assessment.”
Me: “I'm showing my girlfriend this.”
Texter: “You think maybe she'll let me join y'all?”
Me: “You're totally not listening.  Good bye.”
Texter: “Fine, live your life.”

     It’s like a revolving door of situations I have brought upon myself, yet can’t seem to avoid going RIGHT back into.  Classic moth-to-flame shit.  I should have cut her off at the first ‘coon’ but was morbidly curious to where she would go before I actually just ended the conversation.

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