I wasn’t ready… I wasn’t given a
You arrived as a surprise to your mother and I and we had to
hit the ground running.Took to it
pretty easily, you made the process pretty easy over all, and the rookie in me
thanks you for that. If I’m selfish,
though, I wanted you to be little forever.I might have only mildly minded the diaper changing thing, but the 6 - 11 months time was magical.In my mind, you were a perfect chubby little
ball of tiny human and I didn’t want anything about you to change. The house was a giggle factory, everything we did was completely adorable and I wanted NOTHING about it to change.
Even if I knew that was asking entirely too much of the world.
Today – well technically tonight – you’re seven.We’ve been through a ton and have yet a ton
to go through and I am a million percent with you every step of the way.
Happy birthday, Ava!Daddy loves you.
You know what,
Phlip? This is what the fuck you
deserve. You had three customers set to
make you a million and a half dollars every six months, but you had to break
all kinds of international laws and shit being greedy.
Oh wait! I’m home, I’m safe and I have one month to
figure out how to get my fucking bag back from those crazy-fuck European
governmental gangster types. I’m home, I
am safe and I am sitting on enough cash on hand to not EVER have to work again
in my life, considering that the only bills I have are “consumption” ones; utilities/food/etc…
But I am also
So here I am, in the FBI Field office trying to explain how I was robbed for a
bag of coal by the government thugs of some small eastern European country that
I could not name because I was not able to see out of the van I was riding in.
Agent: “Okay, so help me understand the damages
these people have done to you. You say
they took WHAT from you?”
Me: “A bag of coal.”
Agent: “I—I’m so…
As I try to be more
responsible in my adulting, I find myself coming up with, or simply employing
things I have heard, into my saving routine. This one here is one I’ve previously used to
ramp myself up to something nonessential that I may find myself wanting to
throw cash at a ways down the road. This
is not a quick-and-fast savings scheme.
That said, don’t expect to necessarily get rich off of this. I call it The Money Diet. I know that sounds like a
silly-ass name, but it is simply what I came up with to call it when I first
tried it about 3 years ago. It is really a simple thing to do in theory, once you work yourself
up to it psychologically. That last part
though… When you leave your house
in the morning, things you should expect to have to spend money on should be
paid for with cash. When you are going
to make this purchase, you basically plan not to pay exact change – especially for
your first expenditure of the day – and know that you will be breaking a bill…