Angel on my left
shoulder, telling me “Phlip, don’t get on that plane.”
Devil on my right shoulder, telling
me “Phlip, get that money and get the fuck out.”
Internal tug-of-war, provide for my family in a manner that
I had to learn to contribute to as a child, in a manner that I might have never
imagined so easily attainable or stay here in the United States and drive this
bag around and watch these companies shovel out all of the magical coal they
might so need. Pick your poison,
Phillip. Slow burn and hard work or hit
this international lick and be straight one at a time.
Why am I even
second-guessing myself? I KNEW I shouldn’t
be on this fucking plane. As
opportunistic as I have been about trapping this cash over the past six months –
I am at a million and a half now with my under-the-table museum contracts – I am
still quite liberal as far as environmental issues go. At least those in my own back yard, I feel
something when I see my family and friends of my fa…
So last month, I made about $113k
on ill-but-legally-gotten coal, right? I’m
on. We on, right?
I SHOULD have put half of it in the bank or in some investment vehicle and made
a ginormous principle payment on my house and paid off all my credit with the other
half. That makes sense, right?
And just so we’re
all on the same page here, robbing Santa Claus is a BAD thing, children. Never mind that what was SUPPOSED to be a
punishment for it has turned into a windfall for me and mine. As Santa is a scumbag dopeman anyway, we can’t
FULLY consider that he might have thought of the outcomes when it came all the
damn way down to it anyway. I can’t
care, really, because damned if I didn’t get paid.
Not only am I
sitting on big bank, but I rolled out of the museum with the blessings of the
manager of the place and--…
WAIT!!! I need to explain something.
Doctors tend to hang around other doctors, lawyers hang around other lawyers,
professors do the same. You get it
So I …
This is one that has been up for debate for many years. We’re to understand that Santa already had
his reindeer fleet set to go, and all of a sudden another one shows up out of nowhere with a
bright red nose? Nah dawg, that ain’t
how the story went. It CAN'T be. Today, I am here to
lay it out for real.
We readily believe that Santa handles his Christmas duties every year
with the same 8 reindeer; Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen… Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (admit it, you sang that shit, didn't you?). All of a sudden, after 100 years there is a
new reindeer at the North Pole? HOW LONG
WAS THIS DUDE THERE?!!? And to make the story just a little more juicy, how about the fact that one that no one was allowed to see or hear of him from the beginning of the Santa Claus story in 1839 to the discovery of Cocaine in the late 1850s and then still remaining COMPLETELY hidden until the story they…