True Story© Professional Band Namer

(I. need. this. board. game.)

     If nothing, I fancy myself a bit of a hustler, I ain’t EVER gonna starve, dammit.  Sometimes in the course of normal daily life, I come up with plots I might one day use to sustain myself.  I have noticed that conversations with my friends often turn to topics on things that should probably never be joked about and sometimes end with me saying some fucked up shit that would probably fit the name of a punk band.  As a service, I am going to begin writing these down and offering them up to people looking for names for their bands.  As an value-added service, I will even offer to title the songs of said punk bands’ albums.

     Below, I have recorded some of these instances as employed and will offer some freebies as far as how this service will work.

Round 1:

Background: I was speaking to someone who likes to prattle on about how wonderful babies are and that she would love to have another one or two, but shouldn’t at her age because “they might be born with ‘mongoloidism’.”

I WISH I could make this shit up.  I thought it was hilariously sad and minorly fucked up that she was not aware that “mongoloidism” is not a thing, but an offensive colloquial that should probably never be uttered in polite company.  Because of this, it became a topic of conversation between a good friend and I (I am in the green):

Feral Mongoloid’s self-titled debut album…


  1. Who’s Kids Are These?
  2. Runaway Retard
  3. Lickin’ The Schoolbus Windows
  4. Helmet with the Chinstrap
  5. ‘Tard Rage
  6. AssBurger’s Syndrome
  7. My Father’s Bastard
  8. Life Goes On
  9. Velcro Shoes
  10. Freestyle Karaoke



 Round 2:
Look, I don’t even remember what this comment thread was ABOUT and the person whose timeline it was on is a  busier BookFacer than I am – and that is to say fucking BUSY – so I got lost in my lack of an attention span trying to get back to it.  I am pretty sure it was something related to something deep fried that probably shouldn’t have been deep fried:

Prolapsed Vagina’s second album “Bursting Out”

  1. Hangin’ Loose
  2. No Takebacks
  3. Surgery
  4. Eww, Nasty!
  5. Pain and More Pain
  6. Bursting Out
  7. Injury to Insult (feat. Feral Mongoloid)
  8. 3 Hours in the E.R.
  9. Quarantine
  10. Hold it In (stage 1, denial)
  11. Let it Out (stage 2, anger)
  12. Let it Go (stage 3, depression)
  13. Wait it Out (stage 4, bargaining)
  14. Concede Defeat (stage 5, acceptance)



[Phlip note: the amount of “see what I did there?” to this point in this presentation is chuckle-worthy to say the least]

Anyway, I think y’all get it by now.  For a small(-ish) fee and after a short amount of fucked up conversation with either you or one of my friends – with screen shots to prove it – I will name your band and 10-15 songs from your upcoming album.

PayPal Link is on the left.  I NEED this shit after losing my job last week.
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